


Creativity Takes Courage

by evilNira



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Art School, Alternate Universe - College/University, Awkward Sexual Situations, Epic Sadness, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, M/M, Mentions of canon-characters, Romance, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Smut, the smut has happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-18 02:48:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 73,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5895118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilNira/pseuds/evilNira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn is a college student, working towards his B.F.A in Illustration and Design. He dorms with his adoptive sister, visits his adoptive father when the two have time, and is generally, living a good life--no major complaints, at least the ones unrelated to daily living, such as needing new tires for his car, finding out is phone *doesn't* have insurance on plunking it into water, you know, life's little mishaps.</p><p>That all would change- well- a *factor* would change in his routine, and begin to take a prominent shape in Finn's average life; Poe. The would-be model walks into Finn's advanced drawing class and the ability to manage Finn's passion and new interest begin to manifest and mix in ample amounts of drama. Just for effect.</p><p> </p><p>for a prompt on the tfa-kink.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1: Introductions to be Made

**Author's Note:**

> "Every artist was first an amateur."-Ralph Waldo Emerson
> 
>  
> 
> **This is a prompt, so go look at the bottom for an explanation.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW AND IMRPOVED: Not at all, this is just your lovely author exciting you into thinking I posted something new about this fic (^__~) my name's Evil for a reason! No, a lovely lovely fan emailed me a few months ago (and yes I'm going to tell you this story and you're going to read it and sob). A fan of this fic wrote me to my email which I posted here on AO3 just for this reason or to better talk with people I befriended over writing. Short story, she emailed me to tell me how she enjoyed my fic so much, she wanted to tell me more personally than dropping a comment. Now this might not be thrilling for some people, but as someone who does not post their work (at allllllll though I should) this made me incredibly happy. For a few emails we went back and forth and she informed me she was going to make a piece of fanart for me. WELL NOW YOU HAVE IT, PLEASE LOVE THIS INCREDIBLE HUMAN AND ARTIST. She has an instagram: @4eyesBarbie. Please lavish her with love because I have, and I don't really know what to say about it besides I'm frigging blessed and thrilled--someone liked MY thing enough for fanart (I feel like I should insert self-depreciating comment here, fill one in for me).

 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/158459215@N05/36710706672/in/dateposted/)

 

Finn was sure that there wasn’t a single time he felt uncomfortable with the human figure. Never once, he swore to his friends, on his parents grave (if they were truly gone), or to God, whomever or whatever they’d say swear too, he’d give his fullest, that he never felt the least bit squeamish about nudity. Not as a child, not a teen, not as an adult. Perhaps it was simply the way he had been educated. _That had to be it,_ Finn would say, the way he was raised. Again, perhaps, he was just as comfortable and well-attuned to the natural order of things than most people ever become in _any_ age. Granted, they were at college, it wasn’t as though _every_ single person there groaned in disdain about having a nude model, but it was apparent who would avoid taking the front-angled shots versus the back.

Who would take the easy way out of figure drawing.

Regardless whom it had, Finn had never been much swayed by his models—perhaps they were unattractive. Or something else. Or Finn just wasn’t entirely interested _sexually._ It might have been a little bit of both. However unphased he was, he sat down, before the platform their models usually sat and waited patiently for the teacher to introduce the model. The term was rapidly coming to an end and their final project was announced to incorporate what they would take away from figure drawing. Granted they were allowed new poses, obviously, their pictures did not have to be _of_ the model, but it was for them to decide. And Finn was ready to do a good piece—he had some ideas already in mind—

And they all disappeared when the model walked through, waved cheerfully to the teacher, Mrs. Solo, chatted her up before moving around to the partition to disrobe. His hair was unruly, dark with easy curls, a five o’clock shadow, Finn decided, probably _never_ vanished from that gorgeous face- and that smile—

It wouldn’t be the first time Finn felt aroused by seeing someone—pretty people were everywhere, but- Finn hoped, _with luck it’s all in his face._

As _luck_ would have it, he had _more_ than just a good face. The teacher explained what he wanted the model to do, first a few short motion poses, allowing the students to capture motion rather than hard anatomy. Next short 10 minute poses, easing into 20’s and then finally an hour long one. Finn ducked his head bashfully, already the ideas of his project flooding his vision with a man like _that_ at its centerfold? His cheeks darkened and he felt blessed that no one could see the flushed cheeks.

He had grace. He had the body of a dancer, hands of a pianist, face of an actor, hair of- well- of a young bachelor with its unkempt look. Alright, so maybe he was _mostly_ perfect _looking._ Finn found himself falling into drawing though, rather quickly despite the man’s easy-on-the-eyes look. Motion was difficult for Finn to capture and when he looked back down after a few minutes’ break, he sneered at them before turning over to a new page. The model took a gulp of water and looked to the timer as Mrs. Solo prepared a new set, a ten minute interval set.

It was during the 20 minute sets that Finn took a moment to relax his hand, his eyes settled upon the way the model was sitting, hand loose hanging limply as his arm was strewn over a hiked knee—a revealing pose and he knew two of the girls that had been facing him more directly had to _leave_ and when they returned, well…

Needless to say they sat somewhere a little less intrusive. Finn noticed the grin the man wore, cocky almost as if he expected it but a part of it looked a touch… bashful for it. The artist hadn’t realized he was staring quite to blatantly (without _drawing_ ) that when deep hazel eyes focused upon him, he straightened. The model began to grin and Finn swallowed thickly, and he winked and Finn found himself quickly busying away to draw, to try and distract himself that he’d been caught staring like a tween.

Only problem was that whenever the model would move, he would make sure he could keep his eyes on Finn, grinning at the way the man squirmed under his gaze—like _he_ was the one naked and modeling. The hour passed quickly, and when the teacher said it was over, a few of the students whined at _having_ to end class, whilst others ran out so quickly, it was hard to tell them they left their sketch pads behind. Finn began to pack up when he felt those eyes upon him, looking up and down before a smile- another wink.

Mrs. Solo corralled him as the model was dressing, a thankful Finn finding breath as he packed. “Thanks so much for doing this, I know it’s not my usual request…” 

“It was fine,” he waved at her incessant worrying. “What pays the bills right?” He encouraged with a grin and she nodded, prepping some papers for her next class.

“Well, thanks anyway, Poe, you didn’t have to and I appreciate it,” she offered instead. _Poe._ Finn would remember that name, and maybe ask around if Poe modeled often—he seemed to if he knew the teacher a bit more than employee-employer. He didn’t eavesdrop much further, packed his things and said goodbye to his teacher who did pause her conversation with the model to wave goodbye.

_Poe_ also waved goodbye.


	2. Chapter 2: How Do You Like Your Coffee?

When Finn arrived home, Rey was already busying about in the kitchen, probably making some of that godawful meatloaf she would try and pass around. “Hey Rey.”

“Oh Finn!” She waved with a soda in hand- “You did bring dinner right? That’s chicken I smell?”

“Never do anything less,” he offered and raised the bag of food with his hand as he stepped within the dorm, setting the food to the table- “The others home?”

“I don’t think so,” she eyed the door, wide open and dark within. “I also didn’t ask if you brought  _ them _ dinner.” Finn laughed and allowed her to pick through the bag and boxes whilst he set his things down. He’d come back earlier after his art class to deposit his materials, and was now just tossing his backpack to the bed and pulling himself out of his jacket and swapping jeans for sweats. “Anything exciting happen in class? I had this guy, Ben, shoot up in class and all but cuss this other student out. Temper tantrum!”

“Oh, I didn’t have anything like that,” he grinned as he returned with his huge drawing pad. “I had something much nicer on the eyes.” Finn and Rey had been friends probably as long as they’d been orphans, abandoned by parents who either didn’t care, or didn’t remember them. Whatever excitement happened, they’d always share, there were no secrets kept between them- so of course, when Finn opened his drawing pad and showed her the sketch of Poe he’d done, she asked who the hell was that and why he wasn’t here for closer examination.

“Thought you weren’t interested in ‘physical’ appearances?” Finn jibed and she shot him a playful glare.

“No, he is gorgeous, but I was asking where he was for  _ me _ to approve of you going after him,” she gave a punch to his arm and he groaned, rubbing it as she went and grazed through his other sketches. “Wow, he was the nude today? Damn, where do they keep men and women like you?”

“You know Mara right?”

“Yeah, red-headed chick?”

“She walked out of class,” they laughed- “She had the awkward position of sitting in front of him, like he all but had his dick just hanging out to her. So, she left for a bit and found a new seat.”

“Well, more for you,” though Rey teased Finn relentless of his lacking in the love department, she never once pushed him too far, never once questioned why or when. As much as Finn liked her, he wished he could have liked her  _ that way _ at least a bit to show an interest—perhaps things would have turned out different, and he wouldn’t be the one to tell everyone he’s had only a  _ single  _ relationship and then listen about how good of a guy he is and he’ll find  _ the one _ soon enough. Her big eyes softened when she next looked to Finn- “So, what’s his name?”

“What?”

“You did get his name—“

“W…” he rubbed at his neck, feeling that blush return, to be reminded of his gorgeous frame did nothing to suppress how attractive he was, even hours later. “I didn’t  _ directly _ get it, but I overheard it. Poe.”

“You better get it, I expect results, my friend, end of the week, it’ll be a project-“

“Two weeks, you know I’m terrible,” he offered and she eyed him for a long minute. “Class is like four hours long-“

“Alright  _ two weeks _ , but then I better see first and last name and where they house fine men like this,” she pointed to his hands- “He has nice hands.”

“I didn’t embellish. I didn’t need too,” Finn added, reaching into the plastic bag and drawing out a cup of mashed potatoes and a biscuit. They ate in relative silence before they divied up cleaning their dinner and heading to their shared room to do homework. The rest of the week was rather uneventful for Finn, of course, until Friday rolled around and he was sitting in his drawing class, looking at the platform in Poe had sat and stood and posed. Finn sort of wondered if it would be a new model again, or if he’d ever be that lucky to see Poe again-  _ I could ask Mrs Solo- she did seem to know him- _ that looked and sounded like pining. He waved his hand to clear his head and slumped, drew his sketchpad out and quietly began drawing a scene in space, floating in a suit, the face clear and bright. He arrived early, the peace of an empty room relaxed him, it also happened to be the only class he had on Friday’s, he was usually the first there anyway.

No one was within the room, not even their teacher and he found himself at ease to let things be the way they were and not spend a lot of time  _ daydreaming _ if the gorgeous model would return. A few moments later he heard footsteps enter the class, but paid no heed, half into the music thrumming in his ears and half focused upon his drawing.

“It’s not every day there’s a student in class who can actually  _ draw _ here,” this was said close to his ear and Finn jumped slightly, drawing out the earbud completely and turning up to face his speaker— _ Poe. _ Poe was fully clothed, as he expected him to be, but he got an extra jolt out of seeing the man so close. “I’m usually surprised there are still old-fashioned artists sitting in  _ art _ classes.”

“O-Oh- what do you mean?” Finn didn’t bother dissuading the conversation, suddenly his heart rushed to his throat and nearly choked his words.

“I dunno, technology comes with a new way to doodle,” he waved his hand- “All this technique of sketching and rendering light and texture can be done on a computer with about half the effort—maybe less.”

“Well, I didn’t come from a lavished artsy background, all old-fashioned stuff for me like pencils and paper,” Finn offered with a smile and Poe seemed to brighten to that. “I’m Finn, by the way.”

“Ah, I’m Poe,” his hand was soft- but a surprisingly strong grip returned. “I see everyone’s late for Friday’s class.”

“It  _ does _ start at 10,” Finn blinked and checked the time- still 30 minutes until class would begin.

“Oh shit,” he eyed the clock to the wall, then to his phone- “Alright, so my phone decided to switch time zones—how am I in New York right now.” He groaned and fumbled with the device for a bit and Finn chuckled at his frustration. “Damned thing.” He shoved it back into his pocket- “I swear it’ll keep track of every other task, the time, well…”

“I get you,” Finn offered and for a few breaths there was this bated silence that began to build in the air.

“You always here so bright and early then?”

“Gets me in the mood,”

“Coffee gets  _ me _ in the mood,” he looked back to the clock- “You uh- want me to grab you one? I’m heading to that craptastic shop that serves what they call  _ ‘coffee’. _ ”

“Their uh- blended things aren’t bad,” Finn murmured.

“A sweet-tooth kind of guy,” Poe brightened- “Any flavor, or should I surprise you-“

“Regular coffee—unless it’s the blond chick, just order a black coffee then,” Finn’s eyes owled a bit at the description, something akin to mild horror.

“What, she put a bug in the blender?”

“I don’t know what she does, she isn’t cut out for coffee slinging, that’s  _ all _ I gotta say,”

“Alright, well one shake, and if the blonde is there, one coffee, back in a jiff,” he waved and trotted out but no sooner did he leave did Finn have his phone out, rapidly texting to Rey that he just got asked for coffee.  _ Coffee. _ She responded if he had his number and when they were going on a date, he sent an exasperated emoticon back, but the gesture  _ did  _ make him smile.

The idea it might be with  _ Poe _ made him smile.

No matter the silly fluff that started to bubbled in his chest-  _ Oh, Christ. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little longer, right? Riiiiight? :3


	3. Chapter 3: Not Here for the Looks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why should I paint dead fish, onions and beer glasses? Girls are so much prettier." -Marie Laurencin

With caffeine in his system and their model before the class, Finn didn’t think the day could find a way to spoil itself—unless he did something completely agonizingly embarrassing. But lucky for him, when Poe had been changing positions to model, one of the students wolf-whistled at the spin, and Finn had caught whom it was, another guy! He almost wanted to clap, to show that the guy had balls to do such a thing. Yet when Poe turned around to see who it was—his eyes didn’t search long.

He knew which man had whistled and they stared for a second before Poe winked, one of the girls nudged the guy who whistled, they were cheering it on. Finn wanted to protest, but the teacher got to it first- “You have a problem with something Mister Emerson?”

“No,” he said with an apathetic huff—people like that respected no one, didn’t _want_ to or find any reason too.

“Then you’ll keep the catcalling to outside the classroom, is that clear?” Mrs. Solo never took any bullshit, she was tough as nails when it came to her passion and what was better, she encouraged _real art_ to happen— she didn’t just teach a curriculum. “Go on.” She waved to Poe who frowned a bit but did find his next pose, and Finn found it a bit strange then, his chest flitting in this sudden cold quiver.

Poe didn’t meet his eyes _once_.

Poe seemed eager by the time their class came to an end, and Finn took a bit longer to pack up, trying his best not to stare, not to gaze over at Poe who was shrugging on his jacket now—but as his eyes lingered upon the model, Finn realized, so had the student who whistled. That Finn was _not_ the only one to notice Poe’s… _physical_ attraction had him finishing packing his things with furrowed brows. His feet needed no guiding, no commands, they carried Finn expertly to the door where he bid Mrs. Solo a good day. _Had_ Finn been gazing upwards instead of down at the floor, he’d have noticed how Poe looked to him, smiled—

_Followed after_ him.

But when Poe poked his head from around the corner, Finn was nearly down at the end of the hall, squeezing his coffee cup like it’d done some great misdeed. Poe wondered if the artist was in a hurry, wondered for only a second before his name was called-

His eyes had returned to the man who’d whistled at him, Poe only knew him by what Mrs. Solo had called him _Emerson_ and he was standing, waiting for Poe to come back. Waiting for a reward for his whistle at the man. Poe only let his eyes return to Finn once more before sighing and returning to the man; after all, there were _others_ seeking his attention just as adamantly.

Finn took a breath of the cool afternoon air once outside and kept his feet from stopping and turning back around. When he returned home, Rey was busying herself with homework and when asked about Poe, he found himself full of hype about that morning—how he’d been early, that they chatted a bit…

The awkwardness only arose after he explained the whistle that Rey seemed puzzled by his upset. “He’s pretty good looking, if what you’re drawing is accurate, can you blame him for giving that guy attention?” There was something off about it though- but assured eventually by his friend put his mind at ease. Maybe Poe was going to tell him off? Why that made Finn’s heart flutter, he’d rather not admit it—a gorgeous man was nothing to be jealous of.

By the time next week rolled around and he strolled into class, a little bit early, Poe was already there, sprawled on the platform, texting and playing music from his phone. Finn went and took a seat as Poe then sat up- shutting his music off with a beam- “Beat ya this time.”

“I had a few too many drinks last night. You know, football’s a big deal,” Finn waved a cup of coffee in his hand, yawning soon after.

“You go to the games—“

“What, hell no,”Finn laughed- “Pro football. Hard not to hear about it or watch it.” Finn set his things to the easel, began to open up his drawing pad again- “Roomies and I just got together and tried to play video games over everyone hoohawing into the courtyards about which team won—so we might have been inebriated, to make us more chill.”

“I imagine, not much for sports myself,” He shrugged and then his eyes fell to his sketchbook- “What else do you draw?” Poe had noticed Finn carried a smaller sketchbook around- easily fitted into his backpack. Finn smiled and handed it off without regret until he went through his backpack and realized that was his usually _unsafe_ sketchbook. His eyes immediately snapped to Poe looking through more completed works—as he had argued, nudity was nothing to be ashamed of, and no one ogling his nude works would fluster him…

_However,_ with that being said, he did draw _some mild_ erotica. Not quite something he’d advertise, it was mostly what _he_ enjoyed. And he enjoyed _men._ Though as he saw Poe skim through the sketchbook over certain _questionable_ drawings of his, he watched the man’s face for any reaction.

Anything at all.

He was surprised by what he found. Mostly _disbelief._

Poe hadn’t squirmed or made a disgusted expression, but quietly looked at each, eyes roaming over the entire picture and when he had decidedly enjoyed it, moved on to the next. It was an awful worrisome few moments, watching a total stranger gaze through to your _interests._ Your own _sexual_ ones too without so much as a bat of his lashes. “Fantasy.” He eyed Finn then, after he’d finished leafing through the book. “I like it- you got a good touch of color in there. I hated color myself, when I first began drawing.” He handed the sketchbook back and Finn opened his mouth to question Poe—

_Tell me I’m gross, right? For just wafting cocks all over your eyes- something-_ “I mostly paint nowadays, but, hell, that kinda stuff comes right outta the sci-fi books yeah?” Poe’s smile was so _sincere._  

“I um-“

“Little steamy, I imagine, but hey, the elves gotta get busy too, somewhere,” and the strangest thing about that statement wasn’t even that Poe had _mentioned_ the sexual situations his drawings had found themselves in, but that it was as casual as talking about the weather or a good movie. A _‘you’d really like this one artist’_ found itself into the conversation a few times but Finn was flabbergasted, for lack of a fancier word for his utter speechlessness. Usually only _teachers_ were privy to _that_ sketchbook and that was simply because they wanted to see what Finn drew outside of class, versus in class. Of course, his good friends had seen it- teased him for it, but nonetheless encouraged his work. His adoptive _father_ had stumbled upon a few- told him they were good- but uh- to keep them a little more tucked away before he went and cleaned their room.

“So you don’t mind… then?”

“Mm? Mind what?”

“The uh-“

“Good dicks?” Poe laughed at how Finn’s eyes owled, how he ducked his head bashfully as though afraid of being shamed. “If I did, I’d have said ‘eww dicks’ and flung it quite excessively in another direction.” He smiled, that soft and small sincere smile from before, his eyes focused upon Finn so _powerfully_ it made the artist squirm under the gaze. “Or, as an adult, I’d have asked for something less sexualized, and acted as such. I happen to know what a good dick looks like, and those are it, my friend.”

“Whoa- I-“

“Come on now, I don’t get wolf-whistled in class and _not know_ what is good looking,” Poe beamed brightly, full of white even teeth. That smile and laughter, rich as it was, made Finn laugh, contagious.

“You’re a prat,” Finn snorted after a moment, leaning on the easel. “You know you look good, so you model to show it off.”

“Pays the rent,” he grinned in return, his arms and chin upon his knee. “Extra money never hurt nobody.”

“Amen to _that,”_ Finn agreed. “I didn’t actually mean to hand it to you-“

“Oh, you have a nastier one in your bag?” Poe’s hand instantly struck out, like a child’s, opening and closing into fists, a needy sort of look on his face. “Gimme.”

“No, it’s my safe one-“

“Boring,” he huffed, rolling his eyes which had Finn laughing again. “Well, I can’t offer you coffee again-“

“I have something else in mind?” dark hazel eyes flickered onto Finn so quickly he felt the air in the room become a vacuum- his chest tight with such a focused face. “I know this is kind of presumptuous of me but-“

“Yeah?”

“I… I was hoping you might pose sort of specifically for me?” Poe blinked, obviously not what he had expected to hear. “I-“ Finn sighed and threw open his sketches and ideas for his final project. He explained his purpose, a man travelling through space, a sort of illustrative piece that mixed in with his love for comics. Finn went on to tell Poe he had a few others he had intentions of submitting for the Spring Art show if this piece turned out well enough. “I mean, it’s kind of presumptuous- and I don’t want to ask if you-“

“Who’s gonna know?” Poe clapped him on the shoulder, eyeing the sketch before him, a piece broken up into panels like a comic spread, different angles of the same character- “I mean, besides me and you.” Poe had stood to see what Finn wanted to show him, ask him, so he was hunched over by Finn’s shoulder—the man smelled good- like- good when you _have to_ stand around and work and a customer walks in with the _good kind_ of cologne that you just compliment the _hell_ out of them because you’re so pleased they aren’t wearing a gallon of that cheap shit from wal-mart? “Aww, thanks, it’s actually my soap, keeps me all silky smooth and all.” Oh.

He spoke.

_Aloud._ And Poe had the _kindness_ to explain what the scent was- “Something frilly I’m sure for most guys.” He rubbed his neck- “does fucking wonders, will not _care_ if someone jibes me for taking extra long showers. I feel and smell amazing.” A few other students had walked in, but Poe didn’t seemed frightened by them as much as Finn did, tensing as they entered, minding their own business.

That didn’t stop Poe from sitting back in front of him and asking him more questions until Mrs. Solo walked in and waved to Poe and Finn alike. Poe winked as he stood and said he’d see Finn later, maybe, if they were free, and went to speak with her, leaving Finn feeling as though he just got asked out on the sly.

During class, Poe accommodated Finn's pose requests, and Finn discovered that Poe liked to see himself sketched _as_ an elf. As a knight, as a satyr even, though he guffawed at him, feigning shock at Finn when he flashed the drawing to him during one of the sets. Finn learned after class, that Poe wanted a finished one, one day, signed and framed- of whatever Finn would want to draw him as. The honest smile was the selling point for Finn to do one. That Poe offered whatever sort of payment had Finn flushing and telling him a friend needn’t ask _how much_ from him. “I insist. No matter the relationship, every artist should be paid in due for their work.”

“Maybe you can pay me with your company then, instead,” Finn blurted out before he could stop himself- “Uh- I mean- friend-wise- not like- shit- just-  uh-yeah sure- money.” Finn took a breath- “that’s- cool. Too. I mean, I’ve never really… I uh- I’ve got class. So-“

“See you Friday then,” if Poe winked and smiled as he said it, the smile growing larger at Finn’s flustered expression, Finn would not discuss this with Rey later that evening when he began to curl up into his bed, avoiding her pillows thrashing against him, asking him what he had said.

He did _eventually_ cave.

She did _eventually_ laugh with maniacal charm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting excited yet? Frustrated? If it seems like it's running in circles, or is whimsical and I'm just throwing drama around to relish in my readers suffering, it isn't, whimsical, I mean. I know where everything is going (more or less) and how I shall destroy you dear readers- er- I mean, how it will end up developing, I mean.
> 
> Totally that.
> 
> Comment if you enjoy it, bookmark it, kudos it, love to hear if its as good I as I think it is? >:3


	4. Chapter 4: Missing in Action

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The artist is a receptacle for the emotions that come from all over the place: from the sky, from the earth, from a scrap of paper, from a passing shape, from a spider's web." -Pablo Picasso

Finn was told as he left for class Friday morning—wait, no, back a little.

_ All week _ Finn was told that he had to ask Poe out on a proper date- the witty banter obviously killing Rey, who insisted, “Something as easy as lunch! The school’s diner isn’t  _ that _ terrible, Finn, and if he’s a student, he’s just as poor as we are! Go do something with him that isn’t looking at his damn naked body!  _ That _ , my friend, can be for later” had been her very insistent statement.

As Finn left  _ Friday morning _ he was reminded by Rey to  _ insist _ at least upon coffee, out of the school grounds to  _ catch up _ and all things that were boring about human lives; where do you work, who’s in your family, the small talk of  _ where you grew up _ , and  _ how’s the weather _ there.

Not that Finn didn’t have those idea’s in mind, he just wasn’t sure if his last attempt at asking Poe for his company had come out as clear as he wanted it to. Sure perhaps Poe’s mind hadn’t immediately dipped into the gutter at the phrase  _ pay me with your company _ but it sure as  _ hell _ sounded that way to Finn, who he recalled  _ very clearly _ had sputtered around like a ninny and left more flustered than he’d been in his adult life. So he stood outside his art classroom for a moment, or several- no one else in the halls, lucky for him- and with bated breath waited.

He wasn’t sure what he was waiting for.

In fact, he waited so long, someone stumbled  _ into _ him after opening the door- “Oh my bad- Oh.” Poe blinked up at Finn who now looked distraught. “Didn’t see ya there buddy.” Poe eyed the hallway, wondering if Finn had perhaps been preoccupied to notice he was standing so blatantly in front of a  _ doorway. _ But not a soul- “You uh- coming in?” He opened the door further and Finn rushed inside, his cheeks burning and again praised his parents heritage for his dark skin.

“My bad, man,” he cleared his throat after realizing he looked like an idiot. “I had uh- some- uh- reservations, coming to class today.”

“Oh?” Poe allowed the door to close- “Hope you’ll stay.”

“Y… yeah I am,” he assured eyeing Poe who looked genuinely concerned. “Just uh-“ he laughed nervously. “silly thing, really.” But Poe was smiling- it started off as a small little tug on the corners of his lips, before it began to bloom, partially blinding Finn with his teeth before such a gorgeous pair of-“Um-“

“Coffee?”

“I-“ Finn choked- “yes.”

“Good,” Poe patted his shoulder as much a friend would and left, if he looked like he had a pep in his step, Finn would just say it was the way the man carried himself. He sunk a bit that he’d become a complete  _ idiot _ during his confident strides from his dorm to class, and now sat alone in the studio room frowning at his hands-  _ I’m never gonna be able to do this. _ Rey texted him as though she had a sixth sense for his suffering and wrote to him:  _ <You will do this Finn! Get that ass!> _ Whilst not the most encouraging or particularly nice choice of words, it did make Finn feel a bit more comfortable, and when Poe returned, Finn smiled. “Your favorite barista was there today. She’s a bitch.” He handed him his coffee and Finn eyed it- that Poe remembered- no- it was a memorable story. Of course he’d remember. “I think she might have spat in this latte.” He took a sip and his face scrunching up in disgust was enough for Finn to laugh. “Oh  _ Christ _ that’s- that’s just foul.”

“ _ That _ is why I don’t get her drinks,” Poe glared at the cup before moving to the sink and dumping out but before he could throw the cup away, Finn reached for it- for him. He poured half of his coffee into Poe’s cup.

“At least you got something,” he said with a smile. Poe bit his lip, an almost bashful smile playing on his lips after he released them from their bite. Finn was sure Poe thanked him, but his eyes had been so focused upon that action he’d forgotten to breathe.

“Anytime, least I could do,”

“It’s coffee, I’m not gonna starve,” Poe had teased back. “I’ve got enough top ramen to last me  _ years.” _ They laughed together as Finn retook his seat at the easel and Poe to his usual spot on the platform. “So what’s your major?” The conversation wouldn’t have stopped if people hadn’t begun to file in closer to the starting time for their class, and it was only when Mrs. Solo walked in that Poe managed to wind down the conversation- “You uh- got a minute, at the end of class?”

“I’m uh- yeah- I do,”

“Good,” nothing else was said and Poe popped off the platform, flailing his arms to Mrs. Solo about something or another before he went and disrobed again, the class beginning. It was their usual routine- well- a new routine set upon them by what most recently had been  _ fun _ and enjoyable. Finn would sketch, maybe show one or two to Poe who’d feign an expression and snort, though the minute the teacher would eye him, he’d mask whatever it was he was trying to hide through a smirk.

Finn took extra long to pack his things, a classmate actually came over and asked him about homework from another class, laughing about the professor and his sandals that he wore even during the rain before thanking Finn for the help out. When he next turned around to look for Poe…

The man was gone. He took a bit more time, sparing as much as could before accepting that Poe had left. Finn checked his phone, but a few minutes was less time than the 15 Finn had actually waited. He sat there for a second and collected himself, this tense sensation bubbling in his chest which made him sluggish and lethargic. His brows furrowed together and it began to dawn on him exactly why he dragged his feet from the art building, why he made a passing glance to the windows of the classroom, then to the door outside the building.

He had the  _ fattest _ fucking crush on his nude model. No way around it.

He didn’t feel stood up- but there had been boiling excitement. Anticipation. Finn was relieved Rey was not at home, a little smiley face on a sticky-note to their door told him all he needed to know about her departure. She expected to walk back and find the sock on the doorknob, he guessed. He laid to his bed for a while, staring out the window before deciding he shouldn’t spend the day lounging about—after all finals were around the corner.

Two weeks whizzed by and each and every time Poe spotted Finn in class when he arrived, he’d apologize and  _ insist _ that the next time he’d ask Finn to stick around, he would not leave him high and dry. Whilst there was a bit of upset that had bubbled within Finn the first Monday he spotted Poe coming into class, it had dissipated as time progressed; Poe must be a busy man, even if the artist had no idea what the model did outside of the studio, he couldn’t have been a complete heartless bastard. Poe explained eventually he helped move a bunch of pieces at a local studio (which included several of his own around) to another shop, and that they asked the artists to at least oversee their work being packed.

He then  _ further  _ explained (though Finn tried to tell him with a series of waving hands and chuckles and sighs he needn’t heart it) Poe insisted, explained that they were setting up into a bigger studio and busy making it presentable. That Friday, was no except as they stood talking and Poe apologizing to Finn  _ once more _ , with the same somber and guilty voice he’d used two weeks prior. “I just completely forgot about you-” Poe’s eyes rounded at the words, the look of shock on Finn’s face had Poe’s own expression dropping to the pits of stomach- “Shit, I didn’t mean it  _ that _ way- smooth, Dameron, smooth.”  

“It’s alright, I got what you meant, people get busy, you know,” a grin, but even as Finn said this, he knew it wasn’t reassuring the model in the least bit. “Look, there’s always next time too, you know.” Poe eyed him, eyes widening a bit in response. “It’s not like I have a due date on getting lunch with you or something.” He waved, pencil in his hand, drawing it back to his drawing pad. He began to smile, unknowingly, like a fool. “So you could try and ask again. Maybe… stay around this time.” It wasn’t a question but he phrased it with a bit of hesitancy at the end…

Maybe Poe had changed his mind at the last minute?

The bite to Poe’s lip, however, said something else entirely.

Finn was quickly becoming a bit overwhelmed with Finals fast approaching, but he’d never admit that openly to anyone, let alone let them in to  _ tell them _ he had too much to do and too little time. He got the  _ nerd _ comment enough as it was, the  _ goody-two-shoes _ always seemed to come around when finals time rolled in—it wasn’t  _ his fault _ he excelled in school and enjoyed the challenge. It also wasn’t his fault that he  _ wanted _ good grades. Maybe that  _ was _ his fault.

Alright, it was  _ entirely _ his fault for desiring good grades, he wanted to prove he could accomplish his goals- prove to himself he was better at whatever he pushed himself to do—had anyone else come and tapped him on the shoulder with a sheepish grin and raised brows at the end of class, Finn would have told them he was busy with school and needed to study.

That it had been Poe all but rocking on his heels at the end of class, smirking like he owned the place, asking if he could come out with him for lunch… “So, you stayed. I stayed. Thought I’d try this again- got some time Finn? For lunch at least?”

Finn blinked, and it wasn’t until he began to see Poe’s smile falter a bit that he stood to his feet- eager- a nod of his head- “I’ll take that grin and silent nod to mean  _ yes let’s eat _ in my favor.”

“Ah- sorry-“ Finn cleared his throat, eyeing Poe. “Sure, I’d like to have lunch.” He eyed his things- “Though, do you mind giving me like 20 minutes? I hate lugging that around. I live on campus, so I can just run over there, drop it off… do you uh- want to eat here?”

“Either here or off campus, either is fine,”

“Here’s good,”

“Good,” Poe brightened. “20 minutes. Outside the student store?”

“Got it,” that  _ Finn _ was the one to wink in confirmation had Poe biting his lip- a sight Finn swore he would  _ never  _ grow tire of watching. The furl of heat that pooled in his gut and  _ much lower _ also enjoyed the sight of a pink lip caught between even teeth. Finn had to tell himself as he walked back to his dorms to keep his dick down, and maybe it’d get lucky—though Rey only seemed to awaken it by asking what he was going to wear. “Clothes, Rey, I’m going to wear clothes.”

“Ugh, you can’t wear what you wore to class!” She retorted-

“We’re having lunch, I told him 20 minutes, not an hour!” He set his bag down and straightened his shirt, eyeing himself in consideration. “It’s just lunch. Nothing more-“

“Wear a cuter jacket than that then?” She brought out one of his nicer jackets, a good leather jacket they bought at a store when perusing the mall one year. He’d gotten a lot of compliments.

A lot of numbers for it too. “This one.”

“Does it have to be that one?”

“Yes, you look good in it, Finn, and if he is actually  _ that _ concerned about not going out with you that last Friday, he’s probably dressed himself up too,” Finn rolled his eyes but shrugged out of his hoodie and slipped on the leather jacket, moving to the bathroom where Rey poked her head around- “Looking good.”

“Ugh,” he groaned and batted her away gently as she giggled- “I’ll have you know, he just brings himself, like there isn’t a secret bag he has laying around with clothes in it.”

“Oh I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised,” Rey corrected.

“And for the record, he didn’t look sad about ditching me the last Friday,”

“Uh huh,” there was no convincing Rey of anything if she already set her mind to it. So Finn left with a sigh, a bit of relief and returned to campus, though nerves began to prickle back up his neck, suddenly he felt too hot and too cold in the jacket and he’d remembered why he had to tell himself to stay calm the entire way back.

Poe, sure enough, was outside the student store, texting, a cigarette hanging from his lips as he whizzed away typing. He did pause to drag the cigarette from his lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke and typing some more.

“Poe, hey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are we pleased?
> 
> I do so like drawing the sweet pleasure out and replacing it with the gnawing madness of desire >:D


	5. Chapter 5: What's on the Menu?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Art is art, even when unsuccessful." -Danish Proverb

“Poe,” he had called out and those sexy hazel eyes landed upon Finn and he grinned, snuffing the cigarette almost immediately and shoving his phone away into his coat pocket. A  _ nice _ coat- wool it looked like, thick too, warm. “Hey.”

“That was the coldest twenty minutes of my life,”

“My bad, man,”

“I can’t feel my fingers,” he rubbed them together- “I had to speak half of my texts because my fingers wouldn’t work!”

“Gloves might solve that problem?” Finn teased and Poe gave him a raised brow and pursed lips to disagree.

“Scooter would be better, to zip you to and from the dorms,”

“It really is a hike to the dorms and back,” Finn added, and apologized once more but Poe waved at him, chuckled.

“I remember I would run to class and to my dorm room to swap out notes and books for classes when I first started here,” Poe guided Finn inside as they ogled which place to buy food from. And it was only reluctantly and a lot of fussing that Finn allowed Poe to buy him lunch, though he insisted  _ he’d _ buy lunch next time. “I look forward to it then.” Had been Poe’s sultry reply.

And yes, it was sultry, because there was no rhyme nor reason for that much rasp  _ to be present  _ in one’s voice to reply. They picked a table by the windows, sat down, warmed by the afternoon sun, tinted as to not blind them. They both had burgers, various ingredients littering them, and they ate in some silence, enjoying the company and the food more than either expected too. “So now I’ve asked you here, I feel a little silly in doing so.”

“…Regrettable, silly… or…?”

“What? No!” Poe said, waving a french fry around until it flung to the floor, broken in half and they both staring at it for a moment, before laughing. Poe reached for it, picked it up and set it to the tray his food still lingered on. “I uh-“ and for the first time, Finn saw Poe genuinely embarrassed. There was this light tinge of pink that colored his cheeks, the crease in his brow had deepened and he was having these nervous ticks of rubbing his neck, scratching his jaw, biting his lip—the latter he didn’t mind seeing. “I guess I hadn’t thought about what to talk about before… asking you for lunch.”

“Did you need to—“

“I have all the others times, it was much easier with you drawing, to engage you,”

“I’ll be damned, Mister Confident doesn’t know how to start a conversation,” Finn jibed which had Poe frowning, pouting really, at him, snorting through his nose in retort. “I’m Finn Skywalker. You know my major, know more or less where I live- I have a co-ed dorm, room with my best friend and… uh adoptive sister, I guess is what you’d call her.”

“You have a sister?”

“Adoptive,” he corrected. “I was orphaned when I was a baby, she came a few years later as a toddler. We grew up together in the same orphanage. Got adopted by the same man, so adoptive sister, we’ve always been family though.”

“There are some people in the world that mean that much to you,” Poe added, agreeing. “I guess I should reply, I’m Poe Dameron, you don’t know, but I’m a student here too, my major is the Fine Art degree. A masters.”

“You’re a grad student?”

“Don’t look it, do I?”

“You- how  _ old _ are you then?” Finn realized exactly how that sounded- “I mean- you’re perfectly fine- the way you are- age- uh- I meant-“

“I’m 37,” he laughed- “And I am  _ fine.” _

“Guh,” Finn snorted at Poe’s tease, shaking his head. “Really, though? 37- you don’t really look a day older than 27.”

“You don’t have to be nice to me because I take my clothes off in class,” Poe responded which had Finn blushing, looking away with a thick swallow. “Though, I guess you would hold a more accurate perception of my age  _ because _ I’ve taken my clothes off.” Poe was enjoying teasing Finn, enjoying it because Finn would duck his head out of bashfulness, would look the other way and whine at Poe. For a few moments, Poe could… relax. Could smile like he meant it. Of course, he realized, he’d meant every smile he gave to Finn, whether or not he told himself something else was a different story. “Anyway, I am a grad student. I’m sort of known in the art gallery circles, and I sort of T.A. around the art department and when I’m not doing that, I help out with the art committee, and when I’m not at school, I’m working. At the art store.”

“Is there anything else you want to tell me you do, and make me feel bad that I complain I have a full-time job, and a full-load of classes and I’m feeling stressed about a  _ B.F.A? _ ” Finn sighed, exasperated by the long list of things Poe had prattled off he did on a daily basis.

“You got into the BFA program? That’s good Finn!” Poe squeezed his forearm. Finn noticed he hadn’t take his hand away after the initial touch. That Poe kept it there as he told Finn the program was hard to get into, and happy to hear Finn was in it, well… the artist wasn’t about to tell Poe to  _ move. _ He did, after all, have soft hands, a warmth he hadn’t felt before too. “Did you attend somewhere else, or come straight here?”

“I came from a J.C.,” he waved with his other hand- “Took all my pre-req’s there, a few art classes and transferred when I completed the lower G.E.”

“Oh really? Most students don’t get that far, they’re a lot looser now about pre-requisites than when I applied,” his hand finally drew away, though not without dragging his long fingers against Finn’s arm and the back of his hand. He prayed his hand would keep still, that it wouldn’t twitch and grab that wrist and keep it close—he thanked himself he was able to keep it still. Relief swept through him.

“So you don’t really get a lot of time?”

“Oh I do,” Poe chuckled- “I might do all those things, but I am first and foremost a student, so they like to make me feel cush, especially since I’m a grad student. I take what I can do, and  help them out, like the modeling.”

“You offered?”

“I also get paid,” he rubbed his fingers together. “Money makes the world go ‘round.”

“So what else do you do? That can’t be all,”

“Well I play guitar and sing, but I definitely don’t get paid enough for that, and my main source of income is the art store, I’m a Supervisor there and I run a few classes on the weekends, pays a bit extra.” He winked- “I live off campus, I like movies, long walks on the beach-“

“Poe,” Finn gave a playful glare- “Had I realized this was a date, I’d have freshened up.”

“I love impromptu dates,” Poe jibed back, a grin just as wide as Finn’s. “I mean, normally I’m holed up in my apartment, or here. I’ve got a couple of friends I go way back with, we hang out when our busy schedules line up just right.” He chewed his lip- “I uh…” he paused then, his eyes lowered to his hands now fiddling with themselves on the table. “As charismatic as I might appear, I have a hard time making friends.”

“You? A hard time?” Finn wowed quietly. “And here I thought I was terrible at it, and you’re telling me if I was as confident and charming as you I’d still be at a loss? I’ll take my wins where I can!” Poe laughed and agreed- so he didn’t spend much time with friends- or other people.

Finn learned so much about the man sitting opposite of him- what sort of music he liked, what concerts he’d been too—how old he’d been when he had split his chin open playing with his siblings. Oh yes, and the day would have progressed well into the evening- well  _ it did _ actually, until Finn’s phone rang. He answered it-

“Hello?”

_ “Are you on your date still?” _ Rey.

“Uh- it’s not one, but yes, I guess,” he rolled his eyes and Poe just propped his face up on his hand, watching him with a grin. “Yeah, obviously I’m not  home- eww, gross no-  _ no. _ We- no, Rey.” He scrunched up his face in horror and annoyance, mouthing  _ sorry about this _ to Poe who just told him,  _ go on  _ cheerfully. “Yeah, no I’ll be back- yes before midnight  _ mom. _ Yeah, no, there isn’t any glass slipper involved- what- oh god- good _ bye _ Rey.” He hung up before she could continue to harass him.

“Older sister?”

“Younger, actually,” Finn eyed the call and then time-  _ it’s already 9?! _ “Wow… time flies, it’s 9:30.”

“Oh shit,” Poe stretched in his chair, giving a great big yawn at the end of it before smiling. “Well, that’s the first time I haven’t treated my date right. Bought you lunch, ignored dinner.”

“I’m more accustomed to dates that end  _ at _ night, usually in a bed anyway-“ Finn froze, eyes becoming saucer-like as he realized what had tumbled from his lips- “I mean-“

“Well if you wanted to see me naked again, all you had to do was ask, Finn,” he teased, his hands lacing together under his chin as he looked smugly at Finn’s flustered reaction.

“That isn’t- I meant- if this  _ was _ a date, it’s usually you know, dinner, maybe a movie, and then, to bed, together,” he rubbed his arm conscious. “Right? That’s how they go.”

“You haven’t been on a date?”

“I  _ sort _ of have dated,”

“You  _ sort of _ have dated,”

“Yeah-“

“You’re gonna have to explain that one, then,” Poe explained and stood- “Next time, yeah?” Finn swallowed and then stood, quickly, rustling the table as they both laughed at his nervousness. “Come on, I’ll walk you home.”

“I’m not a teen, needing an escort,”

“Well, maybe I’m just trying out being a gentleman, then,” he took their trays and dumped them, held the door open for Finn who shivered the moment the cold air hit his face. “Come on, walk and talk.” He began to hustle himself, bundling his coat closer to his neck as Finn came to his side. They bumped arms, then shoulders, then… stayed that close. Finn would defend it was for warmth, though anyone would say there wasn’t enough warmth there to sustain anything. Later, Finn might have agreed. “I guess I never asked how old you are?”

“I’m 24,” he exhaled shakily, cold attacking his nose, making his teeth chatter, though he was able to hide  _ that _ embarrassing feature when he spoke. “Quite a bit younger, I suppose.”

“You look good though,”

“Oh-“

“I meant- you look mature, for your age,” he waved- “kids nowadays are wily little brats, who expect the world at their feet. Hard work gets you where you want to go.” Poe sighed- “Sorry, old man syndrome. You look like a man who’s worked hard to get where he wants to be. Is all I meant-“

“You won’t hear me complaining, getting a compliment from  _ you,” _ Finn blushed, he could feel it in his ears, a sharp difference between the icy bite of the wind that night.

“What’s that mean?” But when Finn glanced over Poe was smirking, whether his cheeks were rosy from the cold or a blush, Finn wouldn’t say. 

“Good looking guy who’s pretty set off in the world telling a punk kid like me I’m good for my age?” He huffed at him- “Best compliment I’ve received since  _ Finn, you’re a stunning beast.” _

“Who on  _ earth _ told you you were a stunning beast? Oh that’s awful,” they laughed together and Finn had said it was a girl from his junior college, who really liked Finn, tried her very best to get into bed with him, but he hadn’t been interested—Poe of course, knew why, so Finn left out the part about being gay and that was his reason for disinterest.

“We had gone over to a mutual friend’s house for a pool party- so obviously, I’m in shorts and good shape,” Finn shrugged which made their shoulders rub together, it also made Poe shuffle in a bit closer.

“Well, next time I need a model, you can volunteer, and I’ll be the judge,” Poe grinned- “If you’re a beast- that’s so terrible-  _ you’re a beast!” _ Finn laughed, he couldn’t help it. “I’m sorry, I haven’t heard someone be called a beast since  _ I _ was young and a tween. I guess that means you could have swooned her off her feet if she was of a- uh- different sex.” He eyed him then, to assuage whether or not he could make that assumption off the  _ highly _ homoerotic drawings Finn had done. And by the way he’d bowed his head, this shy smile twitching on his lips, Poe could only smile in return.

Finn guided him to his dorm and they stood outside a moment, Finn saying he hated moving about every summer, but that it wasn’t that bad, the rooms weren’t terrible or anything, but when he stopped rambling, when they both sort of stood there, in close enough to hear the other breathing, feel each other’s warmth radiating off their bodies…

Finn was the one who directed himself to the door with a blush- “Thanks for walking me home, are you sure I can’t give you a lift home?”

“Nah, I’ve got a few things I need to get from the art department, then I’ll bus,”

“You have two jobs, pay for school, have an apartment, but no car?”

“Oh I  _ do _ have a car, it’s just cheaper to bus here than drive and pay that ridiculous fee for a placard,” Poe corrected with a groan at the price for it.

“Yeah,” Finn mimicked the same groan. “I agree. Well…” he awkwardly shuffled but never moved to do anything  _ to _ Poe, though he felt like he should- a part of him wanted a kiss. The reasonable part said a hug- the absolute  _ rational _ part of him told him do nothing and wave. He did that and Poe mimicked it, but wrapped his hand around Finn’s, used it to grip him and pull him close- a clap on his back, and then gone—

That warmth- that heavenly warmth, the rich earthy smell, the subtle pine scent at his hair- the smell of his soap on his skin- gone. In a blink.

“See you Monday then?”

“Y-Yeah,” Finn waved-

“Maybe if we can schedule it, we can have lunch again, I uh-“ Poe cleared his throat with a cough, stepping backwards slowly, like he too, didn’t quite want the night to end.

“Dinner might be better,” Finn offered- “Maybe not on campus, next time too.” Poe bit his lip, looking down to his sneakers, then back up to Finn, a serious expression crossing his face that the artist didn’t recognize, couldn’t decipher and before he could figure it out, it vanished for a grin.

“I like dinner,”  _ somehow I knew you would, _ Finn wanted to say, but kept his mouth shut. “I know a good seafood place, Japanese cuisine, if you’re up for it.”

“Been dying to get some quality sushi and not the cheap shit from the store,”

“That shit ain’t cheap though,” they both laughed for a minute longer than necessary before Poe sucked in his lip again, looking over Finn… for what, the artist couldn’t say, but he would admit he liked those eyes on him, Liked the way Poe looked  _ at _ him.  _ Into _ him. “Well, good night, Finn.”

“Good night, Poe,” it was awkward, shutting the door on him, more awkward that Poe waited for it to be closed before leaving, a rock on his heels before he had turned about to trot down the stairs to the first floor—Finn would delight in telling Rey how once Poe had hit the bottom, he chanced looking back up to his dorm, a shake on his head, a smile. “Good night.” Finn whispered to himself, chewing his lip like he truly  _ had _ just been on a date. His hands were shaking once he thoroughly stepped into his dorm, rooting through the fridge for something cold to drink. He ended up spilling the soda, his hands shook so fiercely and Rey poked her head out with a grin split to her ears-

“He wants to take you out to dinner!”

“ _ I _ want to take him out to dinner,” Finn corrected, but he saw the glint in his adoptive sister’s eyes.

“Ohhh, excuse me, I hadn’t realized you were the one making the moves-“ he cursed himself afterwards, of course, he hadn’t  _ planned _ on this lunch date to be…  _ more _ than lunch with a new friend. Maybe a good friend. He suffered through her teases and jibes about what he found out about Poe, explained what they talked about and after a while, she stopped making comments and Finn straightened—

“That’s unlike you, to just listen and not comment,”

“It’s not that I don’t want to, Finn,” she smiled, kindly, her eyes shimmering like she knew something he didn’t. “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you really happy Finn.” She met his deep dark eyes with a wide beam- “It’s good to see you happy.”

“I-“ he hadn’t quite expected that.

“I remember when you first got accepted here, you were so happy, ecstatic,” she giggled and rubbed at her cheeks- “And now you have this adorable cute and sexy boyfriend- when do I get to meet him?” she beamed, but of course, he flailed, explained, or attempted to explain, he was nothing of the sort and that he wasn’t anywhere near on par on him. “Now, you listen to me, Finn, loud and clear, you are a wonderful and kind man who works hard to get where he wants to go and you’re willing to go that extra distance. You’re absolutely stunning and he wants you- end of story. Got it? No more self-pity of how you’re dick and body aren’t good enough or that you aren’t clever enough or smart enough. You are, and if he passes that up, then that’s his fucking loss.”

Finn that night went to bed reeling from his impromptu…  _ date-lunch _ from Poe and considering the words of Rey heavily, with all seriousness.

_ Am I good enough, Poe? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because it's not a slow burn if they made out nastily in the dorm hallway, right? Gotta have some desperate!Finn pining, otherwise, it just isn't dramatic and romantic enough.
> 
> >:D
> 
> BTW, if anyone's wondering, I'm basing this off of my own experiences at College (no, not the steamy hot model part, obviously) but the mentions of school, work, finals, dorms, living a college life, etc. I didn't go to art school, I went to State College, so I figured, that's where they are now, taking gen. ed. classes mixed in too. So, if there was any confusion, resolved now. (I'm also not basing this ON a particular college, either, for the record)
> 
> Tell me what you think, comments allllllllways appreciated!


	6. Chapter 6: Treasure Hunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Art is the stored honey of the human soul, gathered on wings of misery and travail." -Theodore Dreiser, Life, Art, and America.

With finals looming over Finn for another month, he wondered honestly if he would be able to sneak in a dinner. Of course, the memories of meeting Poe had only enticed him further, had only forced him to keep his head down when he studied, and felt prepared for every test and upcoming essay he had due—

Because if he was prepared, studied, read up, and pretty much _done_ with his art finals, he could see Poe again for lunch… or maybe even dinner? Maybe he could wear something nicer than he usually wore? Something crisp- Rey would know what to dress him in, only because she knew what he looked _good_ in. Not a clothes shopper herself, but she did enjoy seeing Finn looking his best for the best occasions.

He realized he was scribbling these sort of notes in his anthropology notes, rubbing at his eyes and sighing. He had a _paper_ to write, as the teacher was explaining something about the bone evolution in the primates to humans. He had real work to write, not silly notes to _ask Rey about clothes._ Finn realized he might have been overstepping his bounds.

Maybe all Poe enjoyed was the company- the friendship, companionship.

It ripped a hole right through him, though he tried to save face and persevere.

When Friday rolled around he dragged himself to class, realizing he felt more down about Poe perhaps just seeking friendship than anything else- when he came to the door, he remembered when he’d stood outside of it- he felt like a child now. He began to open it when he heard it- a moan- two voices- _oh don’t tell me someone is fucking in the studio-_ but as his eyes peered around the wall- it was unmistakable who it was.

Dark curly hair, that strong back- not rippling with cleaved muscles, but defined, smooth torturous muscles gripping- a thigh- a thigh _hiked_ to his waist- a whimper- _Poe._ Finn left.

Needless to explain why he would feel uncomfortable with that scene. He went to fetch a coffee, and walked back to the studio with two. No, perhaps a friendship would be best, if Poe was that sort of bad boy. Though having sex in the studio before anyone arrived wasn’t necessarily _bad boy_ stuff- he groaned and when he returned, the door was open- a couple of students were already there and Poe… Poe was talking to someone he didn’t recognize- not a student or a classmate not of his at least. Finn was about to wave when he saw what was in Poe’s hand- coffee. He looked silly holding two now, realized perhaps he’d taken to long with Poe or perhaps all Poe was looking for was something quick.

He dropped the second coffee into the trash and no one turned to look- no one particularly noticed that Finn had two, and if he did, they’d say one was empty. He sat down and began to draw out his things when he smelled that musk- pure sex lingered in the air and he nearly gagged, turning to stand to find himself in front of Poe- “Hey there.” He smiled- and Finn for a moment couldn’t find his voice.

Poe looked normal.

His cheeks weren’t particularly flushed, his hair tousled from the hands streaming through it- but the smell. Raunchy- maybe no one noticed it, maybe it was just Finn being particular about it—he’d never consider sex to be a whimsy, a passing joy not to be shared with many, but with the few you trust.

Maybe that made him naïve. “What’s wrong, you alright?”

“Uh- I’m well, just- haven’t had my coffee yet,” He took it and tried to move past Poe-

“You weren’t here, early, I was worried,” Poe admitted as Finn turned to fetch his drawing board from behind his seat, he didn’t like Poe’s eyes on him now. Didn’t like the way the rolled over him with desire—

“Oh, had to get coffee, stopped by, you know, usual barista, was really excited cause I didn’t see her,” he chuckled and set himself up then began to leave- coffee in hand- “Be back.”

“Hey Finn-“

“I’ll be back, I need a leak,” he teased, smiling, winking like nothing had changed— _because nothing_ has _changed,_ he thought bitterly to himself.

Poe stood at the doorway watching Finn head to the bathroom before he ducked back inside and noticed steam rising from the trashcan at the door. He poked his head over the rim and saw it- a fresh cup of coffee sitting at the bottom of the bag. Finn _had_ been here. And suddenly he couldn’t wipe the sweat and sex from his skin at all. Couldn’t get the smell of the man’s shampoo from out of his nose- couldn’t stifle the moans in his ears.

Finn had been there all along.

When their class started, Poe couldn’t look to Finn- even as one of the girls catcalled him for the huge hickey at his shoulder. The others laughed and when Poe looked to Finn, the man’s brows were furrowed- like he was ashamed to know Poe.

He’d never felt more kicked in the stomach by a horse than ever before seeing Finn _avoid_ looking at him. He had to have seen. _Had to._ Mrs. Solo calmed the class back down so they could begin, but Poe never once saw Finn raise his eyes- at least never to meet his face. And if he felt his eyes upon him, Finn never made a sign he saw him. Their time in session usually had them smiling at one another, Finn sharing silly drawings he had done of Poe whilst doing their motion drawings or when he’d do longer poses.

And Finn found it _so fucking difficult_ to avoid looking at Poe. No, he had seen the hickey, bright under his golden skin, angry and bluish, he could see there had been passion. Poe was a flirt- it was no wonder he would _take it all the way_ as well in that regard. Had he been trying to pick up Finn? No- he wouldn’t do that- he wouldn’t sit there through tedious small-talk _just_ for a lay. It became quite clear in Finn’s mind that all there could be was an easy friendship. Jibes and teases aside. When class was dismissed, he sat there for a moment, eyeing the drawing- he’d made Poe look sad, though he’d never looked to his face to see if his expression mimicked that of his drawing.

Most everyone had already packed and left, but he was still staring at his drawing, he felt disappointment? Maybe it was a bit of disheartening? He began to pack up, listlessly, putting pieces away without much thought when Poe came to stand before him, his hands on his hips, ticking away, picking at his sweater with irritation? Worry? “Poe.” Finn blinked and the man must have mirrored his expression because when Poe met his eyes, they widened and he took a step back.

“I’m…” he looked around the classroom, Mrs. Solo chatting with a few of her students, talking about their final project, but they were paying them no heed. He took a shaky breath and then he sat down on the opposite easel, hands steepling together and wringing against one another. “I’m uh-“

“Busy today?” Finn questioned and packed his things up- “I mean, I can’t imagine what a grad student has for finals- you guys kind of do like, self-finals, right? You uh, basically are just given critique and check in with your teachers right about what you wanna do and when to complete it?” Finn shook his head, impressed. “I still think I need dates that aren’t assigned by me, you know? Too much pressure.” He chuckled- but Poe hadn’t said a word, in fact he was looking down at the floor. “So, if you’re busy, I’m good with meeting another day. I turn in most of my work Monday, we could meet for lunch then?”

“Sounds good,” and Finn all but _ran_ for the door, waving Poe goodbye and the teacher as well. No, Poe had other things to say, Finn was sure.

He wasn’t sure if he could hear them out.

Rey saw how frustrated Finn was with his homework, how he sat reading a novel for enjoyment to pass the time rather than work on his studies. She didn’t pester him, but instead sat on his bed and waited for him to stop.

“I think he plays around,” he murmured and she turned to clarify- “ _Fools_ around, I mean. I- I’m pretty sure I caught him getting… with another student… in our studio today.”

“Well, at least we know he has a pair,” she tried to make light, and despite it, Finn did smile, chuckle.

“Would call that sloppy, but you know me,”

“A prude,”

“Yeah,” Finn frowned.

“But a sweet one, quickies aren’t your style,” she shrugged- “Doesn’t mean it has to be fit for everyone. And it doesn’t mean he wants that with you.”

“You don’t flirt with someone like he does, then fuck someone else the next _day,”_ but Finn didn’t really want to argue about it- and he could see that Rey knew it too, so they steered away from that. “Maybe I was just being paranoid. It was him- he smelled of it.” He sighed and rubbed at his face- “Ugh I don’t need this before finals.” He took a breath and straightened, slipped from his bed and into his desk chair, cracking his knuckles- “Time to get down to it.”

Whatever Rey was thinking, she didn’t share it. She sat on Finn’s bed for a while longer, watching her brother pick through his anthropology readings and write down a few notes and type out a few good sentences. What she wanted to ask was how their next lunch was going to be, when that was. She did eventually ask and he said that Poe was busy but- “But?” she questioned.

“I didn’t really let him finish, he had something to say to me,” he paused, stiffened. “Could have been anything, an excuse. I asked if he was busy, said finals were here, that I couldn’t imagine their easier for grad students… he never denied it, said Monday would be good too- no. No more.” Rey wished he hadn’t returned to his homework so quickly.

Rey wished that things would smooth out for them by Monday- seeing Finn just mechanically  _complete his_ work wasn’t as thrilling as seeing him _enjoy_ it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's a story and a slow burn without a bit of awkward discoveries about the main love interests?
> 
> Well it'd just be smut. Maybe some happy times (who likes that shit?). >:3
> 
> I hope you enjoy! (not in the masochistic sort of way, of course, o__o)


	7. Chapter 7: Eyes Ever Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "For me, painting is a way to forget life. It is a cry in the night, a strangled laugh." -Georges Rouault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, some notes here.   
> #1: there's some steamy bits in here, but its nothing to lose your marbles for (I think). If you think so, drop a comment, I'll change the tag. maybe.  
> #2: We've been following Finn's perspective (more or less) and this will take place in Poe's perspective, so if you're asking yourself "wtf is going on, we know this" well, now you know.

Poe always found his gaze lingering upon attractive men who caught his attention, those who he already set in mind to  _ get _ with. Oh, he might have been told he was a shallow soul, but he had once tasted love,  and he knew what passion had felt like. He wasn’t at all shallow, understood completely what having sex meant for some people-- and that's why his eyes would never linger upon those he befriended, would never linger upon those he knew would not be open to that sort of disimpassioned proposal.

Why his eyes then, would fall upon this gorgeous man, this sweet and funny and passionate artist, whom he instantly knew would disagree with everything he was, everything he stood for… why did his eyes linger upon Finn?

He couldn't tell you. Not right now in the least, perhaps he never would be able to explain why that first day of class he winked to the youth, smiled, caught his attention… how his own heart thudded loud enough in his ears to ring. He swore the young artist could see right through him, all his dirty little secrets, how cruel he was, how foul he could be. Yet he wouldn’t stop his eyes from following how those deep obsidian eyes, how soft they seemed, even how dark they were or how reflective they were, Poe would say they could catch the rays of a thousand suns, and never lose their brilliance.

Most of all? He enjoyed watching Finn’s hands work, not a hand-man himself, but men with nice hands were always preferred to the  disfigured looking sort. Finn was ginger with his hands, lithe almost unlike the rest of him which was strong, thick. He could wiggles his fingers over the pages of his drawing pad and could mesmerize Poe like a magician’s volunteer, hypnotise him and lure him in. He supposed, it didn’t help that Finn was attractive either, smooth skin, a winning smile, in shape, well dressed, and could carry just about any conversation- his youth and eagerness refreshing for once.

And Poe cursed every single time he found himself guilty of giving Finn those come-hither smiles, the ones that made Finn bump their shoulders together as they walked to get coffee before class--that happened to be coincidence, he’d defend, that they ran into one another on the way for coffee one early Monday morning. Finn had looked a little low, and upon seeing Poe, he brightened a bit- upon hearing the man wanted to get a coffee with him before their class? He all but lunged at the model, smiled happily at him, if a bit groggily. It became a routine soon after if they decided together the weather was worth bundling close to one another (and it was always worth the effort to go together).

Oh, Poe found his gaze lingering more than it should. More than any man simply looking for release. Their lunch date was Poe’s first example of how far he was falling from his usual love ‘em and leave ‘em style. He was wrong to invite Finn out for lunch- it had to be right?

Yet, it felt so good, so  _ right _ being around him, being in his space, listening to his life. And when they awkwardly danced around Finn’s door that night, it was  _ obvious _ he was not the only one who wanted something more than the innocent wave goodnight. And god, he felt it too when he got home, when his skin hit the hot showers, he moaned aloud, when his naked body collapsed against cool sheets, he grunted and twisted against them. He rolled to his back, his hand sliding down his chest, feeling over hardened nipples, rubbing,  _ scratching _ at his skin, begging for contact, for a touch. His hands swooped down his stomach and between his legs, and just grazing his hardened cock had his body shivering for it, convulsing forward.

_ That quick, eh? _ He thought as his eyes peered down between the moons rays shedding through his window blinds. His hands shook as they clutched his cock, as one stroked upwards, the other slipped to his balls, rolling them softly and moaning shamelessly against the pillow- “fuck.” His cock was dripping wet- he wouldn’t need lube for this, which both excited him…

And  _ terrified _ him.

Not enough to stop,  _ mind you. _ His hands worked quickly and easily, familiar but teasing. His body began to writhe against the sheets, now warmed by his desire, his muscles tensing and contracting to enhance the feeling. Though, he didn’t need too. He had enough memories and imagination to fill in the gaps of another person-  _ “Fuck yeah-“ _ plenty or too much experience, as some might accuse.

But he paid that no attention. His fingers rolled precum about the head and dragged it down his cock and his eyes peered open and in the darkness…

Those hands were dark, chocolaty, dexterous-  _ Good for you, Poe? _ A beaming smile would have lit his room and his head crashed back into the pillows, curls fanning out, his hips bucking from the bed-  _ “Yes, fuck, yeah- like that-“ _ he chewed his lip, stifling moans for no real reason-“Just like that- F-Fuck- Finn-“ he cursed through his release, milking his cock against his stomach and groaning when some jettisoned to his neck and face.

And when he found cool air once more, when his hands slowed their pace to drawing lazy designs against his skin eliciting mild trembles, he realized one awful thing;

_ I really fucking like Finn. _

It never mattered how much distance Poe would tell himself to put up, the moment he saw Finn’s bag and his back in the art studio, he’d cheer to himself, trot over with a grin—even after catching him by chance walking to class from the dorms, when they fetched coffee together. It wouldn’t have ever mattered if Poe had sworn to a deity or punished himself for such base desire to be around the man—he’d have done it over and over again.

He couldn’t let that happen- he couldn’t let this—

So he’d find himself a distraction, let out some steam to rid his endlessly tormenting imagination of Finn and bring focus back. At least, a bit of habitual assurance always helped to add structure to his chaotic thoughts. He found that distraction in a sophomore multimedia student who had the pleasure of sitting through a class he had subbed for. The kid stared so shamelessly that even Poe felt a bit of embarrassment coloring his cheeks--  _ the kid's got guts, I suppose, _ Poe thought before said boy approached him, bright-eyed and bushy tailed. It’d been a whisper, a passing greeting, to anyone listening. ‘A quick one, I know how you like’, had been the greeting, instead of ‘goodbye, thanks for class’. 

Most, Poe thought, would have taken that as an insult, to his pride or to his person, either way, but Poe delighted in not having to explain himself to his…  _ temporary companions. _ He told the kid where to find him, the only open room that wouldn’t be in use for a while, the only place Poe could be- brought him to the studio, stripped him down- _ not as dark as Finn- _ but he had little time to wonder why that thought flickered into his mind- the other had stripped and was sliding to his knees before Poe. He wasn’t a talker and Poe appreciated it.

He wasn’t sure if he’d say anything to freak the kid out. It certainly didn’t require words either, to tell the kid he wanted to fuck him, right there. The kid was all but begging for it- young- desperate- _ horny _ for anything that would lay him. This was how Poe spent that morning on Friday.

_ Not _ waiting for Finn.

_ Not _ thinking of the artist.

They went for coffee after- or rather, Poe did, and the kid followed, hoping for a round two, an irritation Poe found in reminding the kid he  _ did _ have things to do- but Poe couldn’t have been more distracted when they had left, the door ajar, and not just by the gusty winds in the  _ empty as fuck  _ hallways either. Something swelled angrily in his gut at the incessant kid, who returned with him to class. Yet when Finn walked in, Poe immediately knew what that swirling discourse in his stomach had been— _ he had to see have seen us.  _ That could have been the only reason, and his attempt to speak with Finn as the kid left, it was apparent in the way Finn dismissed him. The way he left him with a chuckle and told him he had to take a leak and he’d be back, that Poe knew Finn had spotted him. His eyes fell to the trashcan at the door-  _ steaming.  _ Curious, his eyes followed the steam downwards into the trash can that held a full cup of hot coffee, the smell rich, the memories that were soaked in the earthy and smoky aroma only made Poe queasy to recall the uncouth events of just minutes ago.

He was hyper aware of his body- of everything and when one of the students he’d befriended at the student gallery pointed out the fat hickey at his shoulder—well—to say he felt disappointment in  _ himself _ when Finn refused to meet his gaze had him fussing for the entire period. This was how he came to stand at Finn’s side, waiting for the man to look at him, meet his gaze- apparently he now  _ had _ to wear clothes for that to happen. “Poe.” Finn, Poe learned, was not only a talented artist, but a very good actor. They would often get lunch together on Fridays- but during the month before end of term, they kept it  _ truly _ to just lunches, a meager one to two hour session, before parting from school grinning like idiots.

“I’m…” but the words had died on his tongue before he could even  _ try _ to get them out. He eyed the classroom and thanked them for mostly hustling out. His eyes settled to their teacher and he returned his concerned gaze to Finn, who was looking up to him almost innocently. “I’m uh-“

“Busy today?” Finn was packing his belongings up, a smile, half of one. “I mean, I can’t imagine what a grad student has for finals-“  _ don’t remind me why I’m standing here, Finn-  _ “-you guys kind of do like, self-finals right? You uh, basically are just given critique and check in with your teachers right, about what  you wanna do and when to complete it?”  _ Please, stop, look at me. _ Finn had smiled, shaking his head obviously impressed with what grad students had to contend with. “I still think I need dates that aren’t assigned by me, you know? Too much pressure.” A laugh- not at all forced or strained, but Poe couldn’t find his words, like they were being sucked right out- or maybe they were on an entirely different frequency that Finn couldn’t hear. Couldn’t decipher. He did know, that Finn frowned at him for glaring at floor to swallow him up, however. “So, if you’re busy, I’m good with meeting another day. I turn in most of my work Monday, we could meet for lunch then?” _ Now. Tell him you want to have lunch now- talk- dammit- _

“Sounds good,” and whether Poe had noticed Finn irrationally packing his things more quickly today, or that he’d imagined the shaky hands and nervous jitters, he’d never be able to ask. He stared at Finn’s back as the youth smiled and waved him and their teacher goodbye.  _ I have more to say. _

The weekend found him in-between the sheets, figuratively, with men or completing his finals for his own work and when Monday rolled around, he made sure that there wasn’t a hickey in sight. He did his hair, he wore  _ some _ of his best clothes and when he walked in Monday morning with two cups of coffee, he didn’t let his heart waver when Finn wasn’t there.  _ He’s always early. _ And that proved to Poe right then that he’d been playing with Finn too much.

However, as time ticked by loudly in his ears, Finn was beginning to become a no-show. It wasn’t until the last few minutes that he snuck in with a smile and wave, drawing his earbuds out with a gentle smile—and a coffee. His chest panged and hid the second cup discreetly. Much like he thought Finn had done. The time would seem to drag now, whereas before, it slipped by far too quickly, though he tried his best not to lay eyes upon Finn, when they did, the man would just nod his head a bit, a shy smile.

“Finn, buddy,” he’d seen Finn packing hurriedly, so he dressed more quickly, running a shaky hand through his hair when Finn stopped before him. “I uh- I wanted to apologize.”

“For what?”  _ Don’t be a damn fool, you know why. _

“I uh- was sort of out of it on Friday, caught up now,” he assured, biting his lip, hoping that his nervous habit of worrying upon his lip wasn’t showing. He hated that habit- some told him it gave him away. “I’ll take you up on that lunch offer if it’s uh- still on the table.”

“Yeah, I’ve got class at 4,” he eyed his phone then- “I could meet you? After I drop my stuff off of course?”

“For sure, here,” he opened his hand and asked silently for his phone, and Poe quickly, with shaky fingers, typed in his phone number. “Now there’s no excuse not to find out when I have time for our school’s shit-tacular cuisine.”

“One of these days you’ll have to just take me off campus then,” Finn took the phone back, their fingers brushing and slowly, with purpose. Finn bowed his head to gaze at his phone’s screen, to eye the new contact, to swallow thickly and Poe felt his breath shorten at the sight. “I still haven’t gotten my expensive sushi yet.”

“Well, maybe after the quarter’s over?”

“Really?” Finn brightened the room whenever he entered. To see the man smile had Poe all but writhing in his spot. “I’d- uh- I’d like that, if you can spare the time, mister business.” They walked together, insisting had been as easy as asking once and grinning to Finn who caved. They walked together and split when Poe headed for the cafeteria and Finn to his dorms. He’d realized, belatedly, the youth hadn’t texted him  _ his _ number, but they had steered the conversation away from it. So he took a smoke, checked the usual social media sites and waited.

And  _ waited. _

Until half past four and that cheeky kid came around, spotting Poe—

If the kid noticed how sad Poe looked when he glanced back to the dorms, then agreed to leave for another quickie, he never spoke a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MUWAHAHAA. Not exactly what you all wanted is it?!
> 
> IS IT. (T^T)


	8. Chapter 8: Time Flies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Perfection in art, as often in life, is better captured by eraser than pencil." -Robert Brault

Finn had a decadent vocabulary. And he had planned every word, every thought, every line until it could sound rehearsed, but he had plenty of time to learn how to twist the words right, to make them believable. How to bat his lashes or smile just the right way to convince his audience of his meaning.

He told Rey he hadn’t done any of that, but she was probably the only person that could tell he was lying as if he just said _I’m lying_ after every sentence. And that morning as he did up his shoelaces, as he eyed himself in the mirror _again_ he told himself, _just say what you’ve practiced_ and everything would be as right as rain. He headed to class, got his morning coffee and when he spotted Poe, he waved, and slid into his easel.

He had to be straightforward. Had to look like he hadn’t noticed the blatant and primal fuck he had witnessed Friday and he had to look like it had just all amounted to a stressful week. _That_ was all it had to be.

“Finn, buddy,” Poe had appeared as he tried to pack, now whether he managed to convince himself to _act out_ his little performance to speak with Poe had worked, the model hadn’t commented on it. “I uh- wanted to apologize.” Oh? _Oh._

“For what?”

“I uh- was sort of out of it on Friday, caught up now,” Poe bit his lip, a gesture Finn recognized more often happening in situations where neither was sure of the result of the conversation. Both a nervous tick _and_ a sort of, come hither tick. “I’ll take you up on that lunch offer if it’s uh- still on the table.” _Score._

“Yeah, I’ve got class at 4,” Finn let his eyes flick over his phone, about to set a reminder for it- “I could meet you? After I drop off my stuff, of course?” And Poe lit up a bit, as though he’d been stuck under some sort of gloom.

“For sure, here,” and silently asked for Finn’s phone. Oh. _Oh, do I get his number?_ Finn handed off the device quickly- _this is going better than I even thought!_ Fingers gingerly pounded in his number and when it was returned, Finn made a point of their hands touching, and when Poe didn’t pull away too quickly, but that his eyes seemed to become hooded at the sight, Finn would tell Rey that it was an improvement from Friday’s misadventure. “Now there’s no excuse not to find out when I have time for our school’s shit-tacular cuisine.” It had them both chuckling, grinning.

“One of these days you’ll just have to take me off campus then,” that line, Finn was proud to say he remembered from his “rehearsal” over the weekend. His eyes flitted over the new contact, listed as a _Poe Dameron_ and in the _contact_ list it had read _hot models and others_ . He felt his cheeks dark and his throat constrict. _Much better than I had planned._ “I still haven’t gotten my expensive sushi yet.” Finn added, hinting that this lunch thing shouldn’t just stop after they no longer met.

“Well, maybe after the quarter’s over?” Poe didn’t seem disinterested, in fact, he leaned in a bit, a quirk in his smile, teeth beginning to bare behind his lips.

“Really?” That… well, he had expected to get a _maybe_ but an actual time- well- close to one- he ground his teeth together to stop himself from losing that chance. “I’d- uh- I’d like that, if you can spare the time, mister business.” Poe had laughed, offered to walk with him until the cafeteria where he’d said he wait. Finn was nervous.

His body teemed with nerves shooting off like little firecrackers, buzzing in his hands and arms. When they parted ways, he’d been so happy that he burst back into his dorm where Rey was talking to their adoptive father via Skype. Finn and Rey loved hearing from him, a teacher himself, who taught many students throughout his day, but always had time for them. It was only fall quarter, but he asked how they were, to see if they could spare a weekend or a couple of days at home for dinner to catch up.

They both agreed, and made the proper arrangements and plans. When Finn and Rey finally disconnected from the line, Rey said she was going out with their roommate to do shopping, and to make a list. Finn asked if they’d need help, but she insisted he actually _go_ to his class instead of trying to skip out on his Monday drill. “I’m surprised he said I didn’t have to go-“

“You _do_ have to go,” she teased. “At least let him look over your paper, that one part you mentioned over the weekend…”

“Oh yeah, that part on my theory of the bone diversity…” he eyed the papers again- “Yeah I guess I should go, shit.” He eyed his phone- “Look, get my usual, some sweets, some drinks?” He winked and she returned it. “Oh- and I’m probably going to have that sushi date with Poe too-“

“Shut up! Go to class you little cunt, before I make you spill it all right now!” He laughed and headed to class, carefree and grinning. The professor finished his lecture early, most students milling about and a few lingered to speak with him regarding their essays—

And it wasn’t until his phone dinged soon after. It had been from Rey; _ <Go get that sweet model ass!> _ and he smiled, about to reply when he saw the time.

Remembered exactly why he had been so _happy_ to get home- lunch.

 _Lunch!_ He rushed out of the class, hustling up the steep steps and rounding the corner from his class- the cafeteria wasn’t far from the building, but he knew he’d never find Poe there. He’d never see the man there because despite how well his plan had gone, as always, there was something he was missing.

 _He’d forgotten_ about _Poe._ His chest panged with guilt, destroying guilt and when he came to entrance, he looked around, half expecting to see the man there, phone in one hand, cigarette in the other… but instead it was just people moving around him—but then- in the distance- he’d recognize that coat- a distinct brown leather coat- worn, well-worn too. Ridges along the edges, a splash of red—Poe.

But Finn froze at the sight of the coat disappearing in from view. An arm was draped around a waist, a hand in a back pocket, awkward kissing displayed as _Poe_ walked away with someone else in his arms. Regardless of who it was, Finn wasn’t interested—what _interested_ him was that Poe had waited.

For three hours here for him. And it was only the chance of some _lay_ that he left. It was a few moments later that Finn realized he’d left all his things back in his classroom, and with more reluctance that he turned around and retrieved them, still in their seat, untouched. He did slink down and speak with his teacher, encouraged the paper and gave him some pointers before shooing him off.

Somehow Finn thought he’d just fucked this all up again.

It was late when he texted Poe; _ <I am so fucking sorry I ditched you today. My dad, er, adoptive, had called, and we had got to talking and I realize I’m just making excuses. I was in class when I got a text from Rey telling me how excited she was for our date and… I’m an idiot.> _ After a moment, Finn wrote again; _ <obviously, this is Finn, from art class. The loser without a brain.> _ It wasn’t long that he received a reply:

 _ <Hah, no worries man. Ran into a FRIEND. Chatted up, and left soon after. I didn’t wait long buddy. No sweat, just don’t stand me up on sushi. Counting on you to pay your portion ;p> _ but Finn knew he had lied. Right then too. Maybe he just _thought_ he saw Poe, maybe he just _thought_ that was his jacket, but he could have sworn- _no, I’d recognize that swagger anywhere_ he thought, though it came with a heady blush and a wave of arousal. Since he’d modeled, Finn was sure he could have spotted his body with any sort of clothing on and never even have to see his face. Which was a bit disconcerting, considering, but… maybe he’d been wrong? He _hoped_ to god he had been. _ <but now I know you’re an airhead, I’m gonna have to insist we put this date down in solid ink or something, set your calendar and shit! I still don’t have gloves, ya know!> _ Poe’s finishing text had relieved a bit of Finn’s choking worry, but it still remained with him through the day, and when Finn arrived early on Friday morning for class—

He couldn’t have been more disappointed when another model similar to Poe’s build had come in with their teacher. “Alright, class, psst, hey, headphones…” she pointed to the one student who was still drumming in midair who ducked his head as he drew them off. “Our regular model was unable to make it, but Robin here will be more than happy to pose for the last two sessions before our final.”

Finn found he had no interest in this man. There was no spark, no interest. He might have shared Poe’s physique, but that was all he shared. He had written several texts after class asking Poe how he was, did he feel alright, did he have a lot of work for finals coming up, but each just sounded like he was a desperate lover seeking the attention of their absent lover. _Absence makes the heart grow fonder,_ Rey would have said, but that would have been to cheer him up.

A hand on his shoulder jeered him from his seat- Mrs. Solo was standing at his side, staring down at the blank page and the few unfinished sketches he’d done of their new model. “Something about our young Mister Dameron that caught your fancy?”

“W- I-“

“And before you question, I do mean that in the artistic sense, I know he has his own wiles,” she waved as though she knew a lot about him, as if… he were familiar.

“Oh, I suppose, so, then, Auntie Leia,” he thought it weird, all through his public school years he had to call teachers by their last name, but suddenly in college, your professor could be a friend- and no friend referred to one another by their last name. He supposed, she wouldn’t have minded being referred to as Mrs. Solo, but then again, this was his adoptive family- Luke's sister wouldn't have approved of being called Mrs anything by her own nephew, let alone just her first name. Finn though would try his best to avoid calling her that in the midst of class- least he would be called out for it later on. She had insisted to her class at the beginning of the year to call her by her first name, and Finn thought being a relative was hard enough, he didn't imagine just being her student. “Is he alright?”

“He’s well, he’s a grad student, if you didn’t know, and he’s put off quite a few of his projects to model, so I insisted if he wasn’t finished with two by this week, I wouldn’t let him return,” she seemed pleased with herself at such a victory. “I just happen to notice you seemed out of sorts. I see you’ve lost your muse.” Now Leia was his favorite teacher, too, apart from being his favorite aunt, she was intuitive and kind, but able to grant critique to encourage further and advanced development. She was _also_ the teacher who insisted he join the BFA program too.

“I… he’s got a lot of personality, and you know my final, what I’m trying to put together for the spring show, he really-“ why were these words so hard to say, suddenly. “He really added to them, gave it shape and character.” He sighed and rubbed at his cheek- “Feel a bit weird about it though.”

“He’s a good kid,” she smiled, though it seemed to waver just the slightest. “He’s had a sort of rough beginning, as a student, so I can imagine he’s full of confidence and charm, a good friend even, maybe even to you.” But Finn, no matter how the conversation had turned, he was confused over how her expression had even changed—why had he had a rough beginning? What made him so confident and well-liked? What made Poe Dameron so fucking _special_  to him? “Forgive me, I shouldn’t be spilling his life history like this.” She sighed- “Poe’s a tougher nut to crack and that’s how he likes it. If you ask me, that sort of devotion is hard to stay by. So, if your muse seems unaware of your friendship, it’s not his conscious decision. Ask around the gallery some time, or the art committee, they’re bound to know where he’s at or what he’s up to, if you need to ask him anything.” She squeezed his shoulder as if she read right through to his very core—and it terrified him immensely. “He’s always willing to listen. Besides, your project is coming along excellently and I’d hate to see it lose its spark over you not finding that inspiring streak again.”

The wink she gave was what made him thank her and stumble to leave. If she saw him trip, he didn’t hear her laughing about it.

“What the hell was _that?”_ He hissed as though someone would have answered—one more week until the end of the quarter- then- _then_ he could talk things over with Poe.

 _If_ he could muster the confidence to ask him _out_ , that is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, I won't spoil anything (though I'm finding it REALLY difficult not to), I'm so happy you guys are enjoying this (even if you want to maybe punch crassy!Poe for being Hoe Dameron instead of his honest self).
> 
> I will say this, we're not near the end, so if you were hoping for early-redemption, we're in this for the long (very long) haul :3
> 
> Maybe not that long.
> 
> Also, I know we haven't /also/ been introduced to Finn's adoptive dad, but we do know it's Luke. I realized, very late, that I hadn't written Leia to be very "aunt-like" especially how Finn spoke to her (I literally had her still being his teacher, even with me keeping Luke/Leia as siblings, so if that part was awkward, my bad--I figured, she treats him at school like a student first, hence her direct concern for him. Sue me, it was a slip up, I'm just rubbing my hands together to get to the smut scenes.
> 
> As always, love to hear what ya think!


	9. Chapter 9: Break Time Before Crunch Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Art is never finished, only abandoned.” Leonardo Da Vinci

The week of finals was that of a bumpy rollercoaster. Finn  _ didn’t _ see Poe again, but somehow leafing through his previous sketches reminded and inspired Finn why he had enjoyed his project so. His chest panged at not being able to present it to him—Finn had this strange idea that Poe might have been there during their drawing final to see all the works present, after all, in part they were  _ of him. _ Despite that, Finn didn’t allow Poe’s absence bring him down. He had his own plans for the week or two they would be relieved before starting fresh again. He planned on celebrating and enjoying the time away.

He already had what he needed for the following quarter, so supplies and books weren’t an concern. His eyes lingered upon his phone as he waited for his art final to  _ be done with _ already, wondering if he shouldn’t ask how the man’s own finals were, or that if he  _ did _ still want to see him—what stung the most was that Poe  _ too _ hadn’t ever texted him in return.

That ever since his debacle of skipping on Poe… neither had texted or talked or seen one another. He waited until the weekend, when parties were held, students less common meandering the grounds, he visited the campus once more to wrap up a few things, but the elusive model had slipped out of his life much like he had slipped in; unexpectedly and without a salutations.

It was when Finn and Rey finally travelled to their adoptive father’s house that Finn bothered to text Poe in the evening after a good dinner and a movie.  _ <hey! Just checking in. How’d your finals go? Kinda wringing my hands together I get that A in my creative writing class… just wanted to check in. Sushi sometime if you’ve got the time? I’ll remember this time. promise.> _ And though he sent it late, Finn tried his best not to check the phone all night and through the morning.

When his phone did buzz, he felt a rush of excitement warm his face, and felt such disappointment when it was another friend, their dorm mate who had said they were going to go into the city on Wednesday and wanted to know if they’d join. He said he’d find out and let him know, but-

“You look like someone just walked all over your heart with cleats,” Rey eyed Finn who jumped at her presence. “Poe said fuck off?”

“Worse,”

“ _ Still _ hasn’t texted you back?” Rey didn’t need to see Finn shake his head in a negative answer and she sat down on the couch with him, slinking a bit. “Maybe he’s got more things to do? I doubt he was leading you on that long. ‘Sides, we can go and bug the art department about him.”

“I don’t really want to do that, just to talk to him,”

“Oh you’ve never been one to chase your dreams,” she argued, brows furrowed in disbelief.

“I do too,” he countered, but it half-empty, it’s meaning. “Relationships that are one-sided are not worth chasing  _ after.” _

“Every relationship you had was one-sided Finn,” and Finn would have been angry if this had been over another person, another time. He would have argued she wasn’t exactly the person to give advice on that, considering she’d been pining over plenty of people without speaking a word of it to them, and letting them slip through her fingers.

But he’d already dug himself that grave, and climbed in. No use denying that he was neck deep in dirt when you could taste it on your tongue. Despite the tiff between them, brother and sister and father all went out for a day of shopping, ogling at trinkets and eating sloppy food at the mall, catching up. Luke too, had his own breaks, but he’d never miss seeing his children- if that meant taking a few extra days off to visit them, well, these kids were more important he’d say.

“So, when do you apply for the Spring art show? Rey hasn’t stopped chatting about it,” Luke turned to Finn who paused, hand squeezing his phone before replying.

“In spring, I’ll have to talk to the head of show, and they’re sort of flopping back and forth who it might be this year,” Finn murmured. He continued, “the girl who had been in charge of submissions graduated, and the teacher who was helping her was dismissed- you know, I swear, every year they cut an art class and replace it in another three!” He’d been frustrated, the teacher had been a fascinating class, and better taught by her own schooling. “I can always talk to Leia- you know- she’s the next in line, so I’ve heard.”

“Well, that’s my sister,” Luke sighed. “Never could keep her fingers in only one pie. Or this time, piece.” They chuckled at his joke, lame as it might have been to others, Finn and Rey would never tell him. Though they were sure he knew it. “Rey showed me the drawing you did for your final- it’s brilliant, son, absolutely. When I can have it back, I’d like to put in the house-“

“You want it?” Finn sounded strangled- the memories connected behind the piece had him blushing, the memories of Poe… his smile.

“Of course, it’s marvelous, I’m proud to see you develop your skills, Finn,” Finn didn’t have a terrible upbringing. Many of his classmates during his younger years might have said that his life was a hard one, but since it had been all he had, and he survived to be a successful young man, it couldn’t have been that hard. Although, compliments had always settled oddly about him, as though he didn’t  _ quite _ deserve the praise he was receiving. Though, from Luke, they always made him feel at home and welcomed.

“Thanks, Dad,” he smiled brightly. “Means a lot, I worked hard on it.”

“Wanted to be working something  _ else _ hard though,” Rey butt in, nudging her brother’s ribs who groaned in embarrassment when their father’s brows shot up to his forehead.

“Oh dear, I’m not listening,” Luke had teased, turning about with a  _ la la la _ tune humming loudly, Finn and Rey smirking between one another guiltily giggling.

By the time they returned home, Finn had forgotten  _ completely _ about texting Poe again.

 

The break, whilst restful and welcomed, was only a reminder Finn that he did  _ not _ get anything more from Poe before the new quarter, but fucking  _ silence. _

Silence.

That was all. If the man was ignoring him, all he had to tell Finn was that he had no intentions of keeping up a relationship. _Honesty goes far with me,_ should have been a disclaimer. The artist would have been wounded, yes, but at least he could start the quarter with a fresh mind, and a new slate. Here he was like a pining youth again, eyeing every drawing or modeling class to see if Poe had been spotted, but sadly, the man was nowhere to be had.  _ At least not the first week. _ He remedied that he’d check towards finals to see then, if he could spot Poe modeling again.

He did enjoy the Quarter system much more than the semester system. Finals were only in two months- a short amount of time to wait and see if Poe truly  _ didn’t _ have intentions of seeing Finn again. Perhaps, if luck would have it, he’d forget entirely about it and not  _ have _ to go soul-searching.  _ When’s luck been on my side? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty short chapter, but a tiny filler for the story. Should tag this as #Sad AF (not necessarily this chapter, but you know).
> 
> Kind of have an idea how many chapters this'll have, though that's subject to change, so if you see it change, that's what's going down.
> 
> Lemme know what you think, super appreciate you all reading/liking this fic, totally enjoying writing it for sure!


	10. Chapter 10: Discovering Your Faults

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “art is not what you see, but what you make others see.” -Edgar Degas

His classes were a bit tougher this quarter. Perhaps it had been because he took an extra load of General Ed classes, and less art, since it fit into his schedule- another Anthropology class, his online art history class was dull and his teacher only graded up  _ well _ if you agreed with his opinion, his online “ethnic study” class could be considered a joke, his other English class on dynamic writing and  _ last _ but not least, his animation class. Five classes, but they allowed him the extra units—he had a high enough GPA to allow for it, was good enough for it.

Yet, it didn’t seem like  _ school _ was actually tougher, but that he had a lack of enthusiasm for it. Sure, if it wasn’t art, he wasn’t particularly keen or interested in remembering what year some silly dispute over trade had been four centuries ago, but even that rubbed him wrong. He was sitting in the art department’s break room, waiting for his animation class to start as he texted Rey.

She, however, had a bit more free time. The classes she wanted or needed weren’t available, so she had a considerably lighter load, but that didn’t stop her from keeping busy. In fact, she now made it her point to ask if Finn had checked in with Poe, or if he had asked around the art department as his teacher had told him to do before the end of the quarter. The artist could hardly respond to any of her insistent texts, it felt like he was lying to her when he said he wasn’t interested, yet his heart and curiosity were certainly  _ very _ interested.

Rey didn’t wait for Finn to make a decision either.

Rey insisted they speak to the teachers first, they obviously knew of Poe, or at least, Mrs. Solo had according to Finn. So that’s where they went first. Her class was wrapping up and she was pleased to see Finn. They talked for a while about his project before she finally asked what he came to see her for. He froze and had never before been so pleased Rey was the decisive sort until she gave him a soft shove. “I uh… I was wondering if you had seen… P-Poe?” His hands wrung together and it was obvious to Leia that Finn was desperate and quite uncomfortable with the decision to speak to her.

“I saw him last week at the committee meeting,” she answered smoothly, without tension or emotion in her voice. “I was a bit surprised he did show, he explained to a few teachers he needed some time to work on his projects, thus I hadn’t expected him.” She eyed the way Finn seemed to sag at the words- “He did ask if you were taking drawing again.” Finn looked up with hope- “And no he isn’t a model this time-“ and watched him glare down in despair. “What did you need?”

“I haven’t-“ he pursed his lips.

“He’s concerned, since he wasn’t able to get a hold of him recently,” Rey, ever-blooming in confidence strode up. “They were really getting on, you know Auntie?” Leia chuckled softly, she never expected to hear the word ‘auntie’ ever, especially after Luke’s fiancé had passed. “Finn wanted to know what you knew of Poe… or where he spends his time maybe?”

“Well, I’m not at liberty to give up his spots, I’ve seen him in the library before, but as far as I know, if he isn’t on campus, he’s at his own apartment, working,” this seemed to sadden her nephew. “You know he’s a grad student, Finn, I’ve known him to visit the other grad students from time to time, you could poke your head into their lounge, just ask really quick if they’ve seen Poe, they won’t mind directing you further.” She was a bit taken aback that Finn came to her, she sooner expected him to find the man on his own. “I’ve told you before, Finn, that he’s a kind-hearted young man. He hardly ever says no to those asking for his help, but I think he overlooks himself. He’s a busy-bee that one, be gentle if you find him.” As if Finn had intentions of shouting at the man or causing a ruckus over abandonment. Yet, something struck deep with Finn at the plea—if Poe was such a welcoming and loving sort, why had he chosen so harshly to ignore him?

With nothing else to ask, Finn turned to leave, saying goodbye as Rey followed after—Leia wondered then, if Finn had thought of himself as something special to Poe, and hoped that Finn  _ had not _ fallen for Poe’s charms too hard.

Rey wanted to go right down to the grad student lounge but Finn needed a few moments to collect himself, unsure he could listen to another person tell him Poe just wasn’t interested in speaking to him. He busied himself with homework that night, and Tuesday, Rey and him found the grad student lounge with only a couple of students in it. A larger heavy set dude started towards them, saying they couldn’t be here-

“We’re actually just looking for Poe,” Rey said quickly. “Is he around or have you seen him?”

“Oh, our illustrious  _ Hoe Dameron,” _ another called from behind the heavy set man, dark straight hair brought into a high ponytail. She laughed and shrugged lightly to them, standing from the desk and approached them. “Nah, whilst we all share the title of art grad student, Poe’s been more the solitary fellow.”

“I can’t imagine why when you call him by  _ that _ name,” this was said by Finn, with a furrowed brow and a sneer on his lips.

“Ease up, undergrad,” the woman called with raised hands- “We happen to be friends of his.”

“Or as close to friends as he has,” the man said who went to retake his seat. “Poe doesn’t come down here much, preferring to work and ask questions from the safety of his apartment. What’re you looking for him for…?”

“I’ve been-“ Finn swallowed-  _ what have I been trying to do? _

“-trying to get a hold of him, he doesn’t answer,” Rey completed and the others just sort of looked to one another, each set of eyes bouncing off the others before the room seemed to take a collective sigh and groan unanimously.

“I wouldn’t fuss then,” this was said by a lithe fellow behind a large easel. “If he hasn’t reached out, you just aren’t on ‘the list’ I’m afraid.”

“ ‘The list’?” Finn questioned.

“It’s not an actual list, mind you,” the woman waved her hand to answer. “He’s got the art department's reputation as being the playboy.”

“Love ‘em and leave ‘em,” the first man added with a grin. “Never gets old- remember that first year that came here, sniveling about him?”

“Oh god, I try not too, thing was all tears and  _ ‘why doesn’t he love me’s’ _ ,” the woman shivered and Finn huffed, frustrated, but this caught their attention. “Look, kid-“

“Finn,”

_ Finn,” _ she corrected with a frown. “If he’s not responding, he doesn’t want to talk. Though, not sure why, you seem his type.”

“Clingy though,” the second man looked from around his easel. Finn’s glare was something to behold, a leer that could make anyone cower and lower their eyes. “Been a great  _ help.” _ Had been Finn’s snarl as he took a breath and left- hurriedly out- he needed air.

Left alone with Rey, the three grad students looked to her for questioning.

“This isn’t some sort of proposition we’re trying to have you  _ pass on,” _ Rey said firmly, her arms folded tight across her chest, eyeing each of the grad students coolly. “Poe can’t possibly sleep around like a common wh-” but she stopped her words and lowered her eyes,  _ perhaps he does, _ was her unspoken thought.

“Poe has a- well- he is pretty closed off,” the second man continued, his expression concerned, a bit older he was, than the two others. “So if he isn’t reaching out, there really is no use badgering the man- if anything, he’ll just walk over that boy’s heart like the sidewalk.”

“Help _Finn_ out,” Rey demanded one last time. She couldn’t believe that _friends_ would just let Poe down like this- would watch the hapless and helpless suffering of someone they knew was hurting, _wasting away_ under their friend’s attention. Rey could not believe that Poe was as slutty as these three students portrayed him, or that his heart was really only gold-painting, and not at all _made_ of kindness. Not with the way he treated Finn- and Finn? Finn never fell in desperate, tooth-rotting love over just _any_ person. He had a keen sense for people and their types, her brother, the best man, could not have crushed and desired the school’s common _fuck._ _I will not believe it until he tells me,_ she thought angrily.

“Look, maybe calling him will shake him out of his hole in the wall,” the first man started, rubbing at his scraggly cheek. “But Poe’s just particular. He doesn’t like to hurt people. And with your friend the way he is, he most definitely would walk all over that heart.”

“No wonder he doesn’t hang around here more often,” Rey sneered- “What a charming bunch of people you are, talking about your ‘friend’ like that.” She slammed the door, and had to search for Finn. She didn’t need to look far though. Finn was sitting inside one of the bench alcoves carved into the walls in the art building, staring at some of the pieces from another class upon the opposite wall.

"I thought that day had been a mistake,” Finn murmured- “I really told myself I imagined it all-“

“Maybe you did-“

“With the way those three talked?” Finn laughed, though it cracked under the weight of sadness. “I wouldn’t be surprised if half way through our lunch he had changed his damn mind.”

“He’s not like that- why go through all that trouble-“

“Maybe I was worth it for a second,” Finn whimpered. “Maybe he thought I was worth it until I ran away like a coward when I saw him. Like I was in love.”

Rey didn’t pressure Finn to visit the art gallery that day. In fact, she hadn’t wanted to press him to visit it at all until a couple of weeks later when Finn asked if she’d accompany him there. She asked if it was what Finn really wanted to do, and Finn nodded, though she wanted to question some more, the brunette trailed after her brother, arms linked together as they snuggled against one another against the chilly breeze. They’d do this together, as they always did everything together.

She was suddenly pleased she’d never met this Poe Dameron—she wouldn’t be sure that she could restrain herself from punching the man’s perfect teeth out if she had spotted him on campus. Rey made a mental note to go back and look at Finn’s sketches,  _ just in case _ she so much as  _ thought _ she spotted the man and he responded to the call of  _ Hoe Dameron. _

They stood in line waiting for the chance to talk to the few students working the administration for the art gallery before being called over by a young man. He looked chipper enough and asked how he could help. “Um, we’re looking for Poe- Poe Dameron, I mean. Uh, the grad students told me I might ask you guys down here where he might be?”

Both the man and woman working the desk looked at one another for a second, before the young man stood and walked them away from the ears and eyes of the gallery, outside into the courtyard and sat on one of the benches, lighting up a cigarette. “They told me he works with the gallery and-“

“You’re looking for a good time?”

“I uh- well-“ Finn glared down to his shoes then, unable to answer. That  _ also _ wasn’t what he expected to hear.

Nor what he  _ wanted  _ to hear.

“He usually does this himself, pick out his trysts, but, from time to time, newbs hear about him,” the youth hummed at the taste of his smoke, breathed it out through his nose. “I’ll admit, he’s a great fuck, but are you really so desperate for him? You have a pretty lady latched right there on your arm-“

“I’m his sister, creep,” Rey snarled and the man blinked, eyes bouncing between them, clearly in disbelief.

“Whatever,” he flicked the ashes from his smoke before inhaling another bout. “Look, just saying there are better people to spend your time with… he’s not…” and Finn wondered why the man hesitated. His eyes were distant like he was peering right through them into the past or future- Finn knew not. “No one ever gets closer than a phone call. Maybe you get coffee together, but it’s never private, never at his place, it’s just a casual fuck and it’s good for what it is, ‘cause he treats you like you’re worth every fucking thing.” The man stood then, snuffed his cigarette. “I’d tell you not to chase this but, I can see it doesn’t matter what I say.” Finn’s mouth fell open in disbelief and concern- “If you really need to catch him, we all know to send people to the studio rooms on Saturday nights. They’re open, he’s made it clear he’s usually there.” The man began to turn, to leave and then paused, eyeing Finn for a long while- “I thought I could have been a friend, you know, but he’s got no room for that. He has his art and that’s all that man will ever have.”

Finn wasn’t sure if he’d been punched in the chest or if he had really become that  _ breathless _ over what the student had told them.  _ No room for that. How? How could he not, he’d been  _ so _ kind! _ But Finn recalled then how the man had looked, somber, regretful at the events that had obviously come to pass regarding Poe and himself. It was clear, the student had been  _ one of the many _ who’d slept with Poe and been ditched as softly and gently as possible.

“Are you going to see if he’s there?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet you're wondering what's gonna happen too, much like Rey? It took me a long while to decide what was going to happen. Better get that wine prepared.
> 
> Enjoy it! And thanks for being awesome, I know I'm terrible, I strive to be bad example for dragging hearts through the mud. (^___^)
> 
> Is everyone enjoying those art quotes after I hinted they summarize the current events? ( Breaking hearts is my day-job. I live off of sapping the tears from crying/sobbing readers in order to survive >:D )


	11. Chapter 11: The Hole in the Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere." -G.K. Chesterton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This follows Poe's PoV, so if you're wondering why it's all about this twat, now you know.

Poe had spent his life trying to decide on what were the important things in life to live by. Which code of morality and ethics that best fit his own ideas and how he should put them into practice. Every step had as many faults and mistakes as there were progressions forward and remedies.

College had only been a breeding ground for solidifying what he truly believed in; what  _ he _ valued most in this world.

His freedom and his expression were what he valued, his art embodied that, and if you couldn’t stand by this, then he had no qualms cleaning his hands of you—except for a single person.

Finn.

Finn had waltzed into his life with as much as an adolescent curious of the surrounding world would, with beauty and kindness and happiness. An odd set of traits, to be sure, but there was never a time Finn didn’t radiate joy when he’d spent time with him. Almost contagious as it was.

Anytime he thought on Finn and his contagious smile- and he did it a lot, he would regretfully would look guilty when asked about it- it would always end with a big  _ smacking _ …

_ Why. _

Why had the man, whom he chose to ignore through the break between Fall and Winter quarters, been such a reminder of elation? Of enjoyment o-or of passion? Of creativity- of falling into art like a dream! Of a simpler or more innocent time—no no, the man wasn’t an  _ innocent _ by any means, Poe thought with a fond smile.

Oh his heart had thudded awfully strange too, when Finn had forgotten about their Monday lunch, and he’d waited like a desperate lover would for an abusive partner… pining. It had been such a strange concept that when he spotted one of his lays, that cheeky brat he’d met earlier in the week, and was asked if he was free, he was so desperate to get away that he didn’t even wait for the other to respond.

He sought him. Kissed him, they looped arms and left just as quickly. When Finn later explained the situation, he shrugged it off.

Because that what he needed to do  _ for himself. _ Perhaps Finn picked up on it too, a bit. He only received one more text during their break asking if he’d been alright (he figured it was due to the fact he’d skipped out on modeling for Leia’s class, and he  _ told _ her how his… life was becoming topsy turvy. If she had thought it was related to school work and grad-related issues, then, he wouldn’t correct her for it.

He did, however, wish he’d popped in to see their finals, to hear the students talk about their pieces, because he had spotted Finn’s- Leia insisted she keep it until he submitted it to the gallery in a series and it hung on her wall like a real piece of art.

The first time he’d seen it was at the start of the new quarter- a late night, his usual hideaway and he set his things down, eyeing the room before gazing up at it. For a long while, he hadn’t realized he’d just been sitting… staring at it, the piece was moving, touching. When he stood to read the name at the edge, to see the signature, that’s when his breath was caught. As if he  _ needed _ to read the name to know whose hands created this masterpiece.

He chose that studio every time, after that, for his quickies after that. In a way, if Finn ever found out, maybe it’d scare him off enough- that he was crass or vile. That he  _ was _ below Finn’s standards, after all, a piece of Finn lingered in the room, a reminder, as punishment.

_ Somehow, I think, he’ll never show up here. _

Winter Quarter wasn’t as tough as others had been- he’d been given a bit of slack for finishing a project, and since they were making plans for the Spring Art Show, Poe had more work swirling around that than anything else, but he made a point of avoiding the art building if he could—not that he knew what Finn’s schedule was like, but he needed to get his mind out of the gutter, out of that kind smile.

However, on the rare occasion he  _ was _ around the art building, he chanced sneaking into the grad student lounge to check in with his friends, to see how the developments were going with reserving spaces for the Spring Art show, or if they had any information about their collaborative animated comic series they were working on. Poe didn’t get a chance to open his mouth to  _ ask _ any of those things, when Snap bumrushed him, ruffling his hair like he was a child. “Whoa man, my hair is my selling point, what’s going on?”

“You don’t know?” Snap blinked and eyed Jessika who shrugged, eating a sub and chips. “Oh. Well, never mind then.”

“Okay, well now you have to tell me,” Poe demanded, a hand on his hip- “the whole trying to be subtle shit just doesn’t work.”

“You fucked uppppp,” Was Jessika’s sing-song voice after she swallowed her bite. “You pulled that  _ I’ll never fuck a virgin _ shit again, didn’t you?”

“I- what?”

“What was his name?”

“Oh  _ shit,” _ Jessika snarled to herself at the question. “Dammit, he even corrected me- Oh! Finn!” and the excitement of the room vanished into a void- when his friend’s eyes fell to Poe there was this flaring manic rage upon him—confusion and pain. A bit of surprise. “He came by, looking for you. With a pretty girl.”

“Mind in the game, Jess, mind in the game,” Snap chuckled and Jessika brought her thumb up, winking.

“Always is-“

“Quit fucking around,” Poe sneered then- “He wouldn’t have come here. I haven’t talked to him for two months nearly.”

“Yeah, he mentioned as much,” Jessika said around her sub, then let Snap finish for her.

“He was pretty upset with what we told him,” though whatever emotion had flashed over Poe, it was gone just as quickly, he looked smug now, arms over his chest, half-exasperated by his friends jibes.

“Oh, I’d be upset too, if I didn’t know you two didn’t mean a drop of what you said,” he chuckled but they seemed to eye one another before deciding to continue. “What’d he want?”

“To see you-“

“Well I hope you told him I don’t do pity fucks,” Poe clarified, smirking now- yes- hook, line and sinker. “You think he might show up?”

“No,” Jessika answered. “He looked defeated, really. We sort of felt bad for giving you such a bad rap, we actually almost apologized.”

“Calm down there, Jess,” Snap threw his hands up to her- “That almost sounded honest.”

“Oh god,” the three of them laughed and Snap assured Poe that Finn most likely wouldn’t come around. If he did, he probably wouldn’t stick around to find out what was going on  _ anyway. _ Finn was just that sort to be disgusted with how Poe conducted his…

_ Business. _

Poe did, quietly however, ask around about Finn, if he’d made any contacts, but everyone seemed to have not heard a thing—at least not regarding Poe’s concerns of Finn cropping up where he didn’t  _ want _ him too. So Poe went about his usual routine…

And come Saturday, he was pleasantly surprised by this ginger boy who came to the art studio, late, dressed for the rain, was damp from it—they talked- a bit longer than Poe desired and when the boy made a comment about Finn’s painting, Poe set to work to distract him. The ginger was a mewling sort, all desperate whispered pleas like someone would hear them, hushed  _ more’s  _ and  _ harders _ streamed from his open his mouth.

When they finished, the ginger asked if Poe would be here Saturday and the model cocked a brow—

“First come, first served, kid,” the ginger seemed to roll those words around as he did up his pants and slung his poncho over his head.

“Thanks man,” he said in return and Poe stiffened- “Don’t think I’d come back though.”

“You might,” but the kid shook his head.

“Nah, once is a fuck, two is a tryst, and three is a habit,” the ginger beamed- “Maybe in a year, if you haven’t become a hotshot. Not that you aren’t already.” When Poe had the drawing space back to himself, despite having  _ brought _ his large sketchpad to draw and doodle in, he found his mind empty of an imagination, empty of desire to work. His eyes lingered for a moment on his sketchbook before gazing up to Finn’s painting hung high on the wall.  _ Three is a habit, huh? _

If Poe recalled the times he made eyes at Finn, or bought him a coffee  _ just _ to be nearer, he pretended he never did it more than twice.

Because three times could mean something more.

And if it  _ did  _ mean something more, then his passion, his ideals, his  _ art, _ might be swallowed up and vanish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are we getting ideas of the next installments? Are we wringing our hands together in anticipation of dragging Poe through the mud and telling him he's an idiot? :3
> 
> As usual, thoughts, comments, likes/dislikes, shout out, I love to hear it (and respond)!


	12. Chapter 12: Fat Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Without art, the crudeness of reality would make the world unbearable." -George Bernard Shaw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back to Finn's PoV, f.y.i., loves.
> 
> (Also, I'm posting this earlier than usual because I feel like my die-hard readers purposely ignored commenting on 11 because you all have suspicions on what's gonna happen next and I'm just like here to crush your souls and collect tears of sorrow for writing Poe to be a dickhead. So, have 12 a few hours earlier than I wanted you to have it :3)

It was bitterly icy, the wind howling eerily through the trees of the campus and the rain was pounding against the concrete like waves against the rocks- hoping to wear them down a little further. Hoping to wash away their shape and form a new one—ever-changing art and an ever-recreating artist.

His feet carried him through the glass doors, shucking his umbrella into the bin at the door and eyeing the empty hallways- a room or two was open, a student or two lingering within, but nothing vulgar- nothing _physical_ beyond work. Study. This was, after all, a place of learning. Wet and squeaky sneakers brought him to the stairs, led him up and to the second floor where his gait began to slow, the rain water slicking against his suddenly hot skin- he wondered if he was steaming down the hallway- like a cannonball whizzing through the air, aiming for a heavy impact.

Feet stopped, a breath was taken- a door he’d never ventured into before but seemed so familiar.

Instinct had guided him, and this was how Finn came to be standing in front of one of the studio doors in the art building- by instinct. _No,_ he thought a second later, _decisive_ action had led him to stand there, half soaked from the rain and now shivering from his lack of courage. _His_ actions brought him here, and _he alone_ was responsible for bringing himself here. Though now, he was paralyzed _stiff_ with cowardice. He wondered if his inability to knock upon the door was somehow due to the elements, that he’d been frozen solid and couldn’t move.

Finn _wished_ that could have been truth.

It was simply that he was scared to see what was beyond the door.

 _My heart can’t take it,_ was his first thought, but rolling that around didn’t seemed _honest_ enough. _I can’t stand to see him do it,_ made sense, his stomach knotting at that fact, and then…

_He shouldn’t have to do._

Like church bells of solid brass and silver clamored deafening above the city , the epiphany almost sent him reeling. When Finn reached for his head, he realized, it _was_ ringing like a bell, and he _had_ stumbled back- not by much, but regardless, it accelerated his heart rate and he felt dizzy- like intoxicated.

His eyes focused upon the heavy wooden door and reached…

It opened with a click, there was music, though it came from a phone’s speaker, and Finn began to step within, eyes searching around the bright room for two men—to say he was surprised to discover Poe sitting against the wall in an easel with his knees brought up to hold a sketchbook would be to say Finn wasn’t expecting that.

Especially not after the details those of Poe’s class had explained. _Everyone knows to send them to the art studios on Saturdays_ echoed in his mind and for a moment, Poe hadn’t realized someone was there, his head bobbing softly to the music, fingers sketching across the page—detail work, the image must have been close to finishing or at least, well on its way. It was the first few steps within the studio that Poe’s head shot up.

He looked expectant and pleased for all of a second before he recognized Finn’s face.

It fell _quickly._

“Well,” Poe rubbed at his neck, then cursed as he realized charcoal was upon his fingertips and he just rubbed it all over his neck. “Shit. I had a lot of expectations tonight, but I hadn’t ever included you in them.” Poe stood and moved to the sink to snatch a few paper towels and soak them in water to clean his neck.

“Why would you have?” Finn looked around the room, mostly to keep him grounded, to keep him from bolting out into the storm like he’d seen a ghost. “We’ve not talked, texted, emailed or seen one another for two months.” This had Poe’s deep amber eyes resting on him, adamant in keeping eye contact. “I’m the _last person_ that should be walking in here.”

“Yet here you are,” Poe glanced to the paper towel in defeat- “Mind uh- seeing if I got my neck clean?” Poe took a step or two forward, but waited for Finn to close the rest of the distance, drawing the youth completely within the room. Poe turned and held up his curls and Finn took the paper towel with disinterest, wiped the smudge that Poe had missed…

Wiped a few more times just to see the water run down his neck- _no._

“You’re good, man,” Finn assured and Poe turned with a bright spin, tossing the paper towel before his hands came to settle on his hips, tapping lightly.

“So I have to ask, why _are_ you here then, if we both agree you shouldn’t be?” To this, Finn’s brows furrowed a bit and his eyes moved away, to the art upon the wall… to _his_ picture on the wall. His chest swelled- flight beginning to take his mind away from the situation.

“I _had_ wanted a simple conversation,” Finn offered, returning his gaze to Poe’s who’s was impassive. Intent on reading the conversation before showing his hand, Finn supposed. “Since, you know, we seemed to be doing good in class, friendly… I couldn’t help but wonder if I had actually pissed you off when I saw you leaving the cafeteria for lunch.”

“Thought I said I was long gone?”

“I thought I believed that too,” whether Poe realized his brows scrunched together the slightest at the words, Finn didn’t gesture or show he had taken notice of it—best to use the same manipulative tactics Poe used to get what he wanted out of this conversation. Lest it be _partially_ fulfilling to him. “But I’d stared at you enough in class to know what you look like without clothes from memory, hard to _not_ take notice of that same figure in clothes _before me._ ” He cleared his throat- “Forgo the uh- creepy- _I remember your body perfectly_ comment.” Poe snorted to this, a little smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth, but otherwise no other change. “So I thought I had to have said something. Done something.”

“Nothing-“

“What?”

“You haven’t done anything,” Poe assured. “I promise, I just-“

“If you tell me the same lie you tell to the teachers, _‘I’m busy gimme some time’,_ bullshit,” Finn tightened his fists and paced away. He was about 80 percent sure he wouldn’t have slapped or hit Poe in any fashion, but that Poe would lie to his face! He realized it was irrational of him to demand Poe tell him the truth- who was _he_ to him? The grad students considered him a nobody, others, a common fuck, maybe he’d see him around for more than a round…

But he was a nobody to Poe- it seized him quickly and he shook out the anger and frustration with a breath. “We both know it’s a lie and maybe I don’t deserve to know why you _are_ lying. The least you could do is tell me _why_ you befriended me, why _lie_ about that and just…”

“Finn-“

“Don’t,” Finn waved, inhaling a shaky breath. “I didn’t come here for some pity party.” He chuckled sourly, like the taste of curdled milk ran down his throat, burning like shots of tequila. “Maybe it was just to justify my need to rebel against the way you… associate…” Finn rubbed at his face and exhaled, a long breath, draining his lungs of air before turning.

“I was just going to say, if you want to talk, let’s go somewhere else,” Poe offered timidly, his hand gestured to the door and Finn eyed it.

“I know why you come here,” Finn countered, now looking to Poe. “I know why it’s on Saturdays, and I know what you do here and with whom.” The artist was ready to hear what Poe had to say- apparently his mouth wasn’t finished with what _it_ had to say. “I asked around about you- I kept it discreet as I could. I wondered if your friends would tell you I came to the grad student lounge…” he rocked on his heels a bit. “I wondered if the teachers would pester you to stay in better contact with your friends, but I found out what you do here. A-And…”

Oh, he was done. His voice stopped and his brows came together in a point at his forehead, upset he couldn’t get more out- say more-  or if he should have said _less._

“Well, if you know why I come here, I sure hope you didn’t come here to ask me to model for you again, then,” he smirked and at first Finn was pissed at the jibe- but seeing Poe smile- seeing him relax his shoulders, his eyes settling to crinkle under his pleasing smile… Finn shook his head.

“Well, you were going to get naked sooner or later tonight, right?” Finn waved- “So what if that's my kink?” They both laughed- laughed like they had together when Finn first met Poe- when they took lunches together, talked before class. Finn wondered briefly what had changed.

“Come,” Poe went to fetch his things- “I need a drink, and you want to talk-“

“I’d prefer to stay sober, actually-“

“Oh, I meant, a triple espresso, I have ten pages of characters to draw for a comic,” he winked and hauled his things into his arms and then over his shoulders. “There’s a Starbucks that stays open all night. It fucking sucks, but, I need it caffeine to stay awake. You need it to talk to me. So? Come on, I’ll drive.”

“You drove-“

“It’s fucking raining, Finn,” he teased- “I’ll bus any other day of the week, but you don’t want to see these curls turn into a tight crunchy looking mess of a perm.”

“Super curly hair?”

“Extra super curly hair, gotta blow dry it to keep it from just, whip-“ he mimicked with his hands how his hair would scrunch in tight to his head in wet curls and then fluff out after it dried. “I look like a mess, and I happen to like my hair, so I take care of it.” The hustle to the car was fine, Finn had an umbrella to which Poe had clamored he should have brought his, considering all he just said about his hair, but only had a hood to protect him. He thanked Finn for arriving- “What would I do without you?” He asked but Finn knew better than to respond, too much bitterness rising in his throat to answer with a tease in return.

They took up a spot in the Starbucks, Poe ordered what he wanted and bought Finn an iced drink instead, decaf of course, since the man had given him such a strange look before about needing three shots of straight caffeine. When Poe finally sat down, Finn took stock of the man- eyeing him for any more obvious signs of abuse or lack of sleep-- “I can feel your eyes roaming over me.” He taunted, goading him as he eyed Finn over the rim of his cup. “If you knew why I was there, then you’d know I would have nothing new on me yet.”

“That can’t keep me from looking,” Finn assuaged. Poe just smirked, and leaned back a little, like he seemed impressed with Finn’s ability to rebuke him. He decided to press his luck. “I figured, if I was there you’d… treat me like everyone else then.” Poe blinked. Finn swallowed- “and that would mean you would have to-”

“I don’t _have_ to do anything if people show up, Finn,” Poe corrected, but Finn wasn’t sure if he believed Poe or not. “I pick who I say I want.”

“And would you tell me to leave if I had said I was there for sex?” Poe gulped- the first time he looked almost innocent amongst the mild accusations from Finn. “Would I be the one you chose to send away?” That silence dragged on allowing Finn to… come to some interesting conclusions. One being, that Poe either told everyone to tell Finn a lie, which seemed _ridiculous_ , or two, Poe was deciding whether he would allow Finn inside, if he’d… take the man as he probably took all the others. ‘ _He makes you feel like you’re the fucking world’_ flashed through his mind from the gallery receptionist who’d obviously slept with Poe once or twice himself. “I… see.” He couldn’t accept that Poe wouldn’t have allowed him to stay for a… a _fuck_ but that didn’t mean it hurt any less. Wasn’t sure why yet, at the moment, why it stung so much.

“I wouldn’t send you away,” Poe threw back his shots before letting his eyes settle on Finn. “I’m here, sitting talking to you-”

“That’s a bit different from throwing me over an easel, Poe,” Finn corrected, though his cheeks glowed under the terrible lighting of the coffee shop.

“True, there aren’t any easels here, some empty tables, I mean,” Poe eyed the shop with a smirk and Finn shook his head, unbelievable, he thought, _unfuckingbelieavable_. “But if that is what you truly came there for, I wouldn’t have sent you away.”

“Really?”

“I think you wouldn’t have come at all,” Poe leveled the most intense gaze towards him- hard, almost passionate, testing out Finn’s reasoning and resolve for being there.

“Maybe you’re misunderstanding why I showed up at all, then,” Finn declared proudly, watching Poe’s brows raise. “I do- did- uh… _do_ want… that. Just…”

“More than a night,” Poe finished, a tenderness in his voice that made his chest pang.

“Yeah,”

“You want _me_ , the illustrious Poe Dameron,” Poe clarified and with a simple nod of Finn’s head, Poe reclined in his chair. “But you know I don’t do that.”

“I am aware,” Finn felt like his voice was meek compared to the confidence radiating off of Poe.

“But you _still_ would come for that,” it wasn’t so much a question either, a fact.

“Yes,” Poe and Finn sat in another protracted silence for a while.. Poe eyed his cup and then stood to fetch another with some water, returning to his seat and running his hand through his damp hair. They sat together for another few more moments before Poe finally leaned forward- with a proposition.

“I’ll bite,” Poe murmured eyeing Finn’s lips, he could feel those gorgeous eyes watching his mouth before they met his eyes.

“You… what?”

“Take a chance,” he leaned back smugly like he had just won the bet, if there had been one. Finn seemed unsure of what that exactly meant, he’d opened his mouth a few times to ask, but found that nothing would come forth besides a little croak. “I’m willing to try, as long as you are.”

“Is this really happening?” Finn questioned, overlooking the model before him curiously. “You… I never thought…” but for some reason Finn couldn’t meet Poe’s eyes. This couldn’t actually be happening, right? He’d been tricked, had to be, there was no _way_ … but what if he was just going to become one of his many conquests, did he check off the friends who had pined for him when he finally got into their pants like a game?

Was Poe Dameron, this kind, hard-working grad student _and_ artist _really_ that fucking _low_ to _sleep_ with friends _just_ to satisfy them? No- he couldn’t be.

“And it is happening,” Poe called to Finn, drawing him out of his spiraling thoughts. “You. Me.” He shrugged and Finn blinked- “You know, when you get nervous, you sort of blurt out what you’re thinking.”

“O-oh- did I?” Finn’s now saucer-sized eyes glazed over, then fell immediately to his lap, his lips pursed with such embarrassment he’d thought he’d burst.

“It’s also a dead giveaway too when you’re blushing that brightly,” this had furtive eyes raising.

“You…”

“Yes, if you were wondering if that dark complexion of yours _actually_ hides your blushes, well,” Poe snorted- “Maybe I’ve done my fair share of staring too.” The artist realized that Poe must have done his equal share of staring and discovered his tells for the way he blushed—it had to be it. Which had Finn a bit perplexed. Why had Poe been staring? Was it that he _was_ actually interested? That was impossible, right? Had to be.

Finn had expected one of two things to happen.

One would have been that Poe talked him down, they explained what the other was feeling, and their friendship, whatever it may have been would continue— _just_ a friendship, for Finn was sure the reason Poe was… sleeping around was due to his own personal insecurities in a relationship. Finn knew he had no more experience than Poe, perhaps even less—he could be a friend though. He could be patient and love him.

The second option was of course, was the fruitful option of them both admitting feelings for one another, and the whole sappy happy ending to occur, with _maybe_ a bit of sex. Or you know, Poe’s heartfelt confession about how he stayed away from Finn because his feelings were too strong and he was so in love with him. He might have _also_ shipped the idea of Poe being sort of addicted to sex, and relished having it _often._

He didn’t put much stock into the latter option, _for obvious reasons._ It was highly unlikely and secondly, it was downright outrageous to think that Poe wasn’t capable of communicating properly with him- or anyone else for that matter. So of course, the conversation had veered directly into option two, with less emotional cobwebbing than Finn expected yet… it was still a bit _magical_ really. Implausible, _unreal._ A _fantasy_. “So. You know why I went to the studio, are aware of… me accepting you.” Those hazel eyes seemed to glow now in the unlikely attractive halogen lights of the coffee shop, and Finn swallowed tightly. “One last time; are you sure about this? About… being with me?”

Why wouldn’t he?

“Yes,”

“Then,” Poe straightened a bit, eyes focused. “We should leave.”

“B-back to the-“ and Finn deflated a bit. “The art studio? I can’t very well bring you to my dorm…” he rubbed his neck as he stood, taking his drink from the table as Poe rose following after.

“No, not there, my place,” _no one goes to his place_ , _but I do._

If Finn needed any confirmation Poe wasn’t lying to him, wasn’t going to hide from him anymore, it was simply from the way he said _‘my place’_ and the way he reached for Finn’s hand.

A timid touch, before fingers laced between Finn’s.

 _Poe, I think I might actually fall for you._ Poe smiled to him as they exited, jumping through the rain to the car and Finn _swore_ Poe heard what he thought- he hoped he didn’t say anything again. When he asked inside the car- Poe laughed- “Nah, buddy, if you did say anything, I wasn’t privy to it.” He leaned in close, cupping the back of Finn’s neck and drawing him towards his mouth- “But I don’t need to hear what you’ve got to say- can read it on your lips.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *claps hands together* So? Who's excited for some smut? Because that's coming next.
> 
> Oh yes, I waited 25k+ words to write this little juicy piece.
> 
> Enjoy! Comment, hypothesize, swoon, lavish me in your worldly goods and words if it pleases you.


	13. Chapter 13: Bedtime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It has been said that art is a tryst, for in the joy of it maker and beholder meet." -Kojiro Tomita

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more or less, smut. And it's pretty gradual, so if you're not interested, it's /real/ obvious where they start getting feisty. I'm pretty sure it was obvious from Chp 12 what was gonna get down. 
> 
> Or /who/ was going.
> 
> It's also pretty jaunty- lots of banter, not as explicit as I usually write, either.

To say that Finn’s hands were sweating, and in order to counter this nervous reaction, he wiped them upon his pants, was a terrible understatement. He _swore_ his pants were _damp_ from his nerves, _swore_ that as soon as Poe noticed, he would _say_ something, but when those nerves picked up into nervous _twitching_ …

Poe’s hand on his thigh made him _freeze._ If his pants _were_ soaked by his own nervous sweat, Poe said nothing. In fact, he gave a squeeze, gently, just above the knee as he drove. “Shake any more, and the car will tip over.” He eyed Finn- “I decided to name the car too.”

“O-Oh?”

“Calling it ‘The Beast’,” he checked Finn’s reaction with a pleased smirk on his lips.

“S-Surely it could have had a better name,” Finn felt fire rage under his cheeks but Poe shook his head.

“Nah, told that story to a friend, he said that was a good name for my car,” those eyes flicked to his when they approached a red light. “Guess then, he thought my car was sexy, right?” Finn pointed out the light had turned green, but Poe waited a second longer before driving forward. It wasn’t as though they were impeding upon anyone driving around- it was _late_ . “Maybe he agreed _you_ were sexy? ‘Sides, it’s the ones you expect nothing of that surprise you the most right? This little baby has been with me for a _long_ time. My automotive beast.”

“Please don’t tell anyone that,” Finn chuckled- “They will begin to doubt _my_ sanity now.”

“Ouch,” Finn realized, belatedly, Poe’s hand had not _moved_ from his thigh. Tensing that muscle only proved that Poe’s hand would slide down a bit further, another tender squeeze closer to his inner thigh. When the car finally stopped and switched off, that hand finally rose and it was like ice replaced where it once held firm. Finn exhaled a shiver of breath, and Poe… well.

Poe was a surprise as always. That hand _did_ move, but it only moved to Finn’s neck again, their first kiss in front of the Starbuck’s had proven a wonderful idea to begin the night—right until a bloke and his date honked the horn beside them- told them to get a room. “Now I won’t get interrupted on _my date.”_ Poe whispered as though recalling the same events Finn had been. “Think they just wanted that spot for the same reason.” Their noses bumped together as Poe leaned over the middle console of his car to kiss Finn—as though he sucked the air straight from his lungs being this close.

Their lips met for the second time, and Finn could have sworn he’d never been kissed this way; never been kissed by Poe. Even _though_ he’d kissed him not ten minutes prior. He remembered his own first kiss back in high school, freshman year, how each kiss had seemed like the first.

He’d really liked that girl.

But then again, sophomore year that boy he kissed felt like his first kiss too. _Over_ and _over again._ The artist wanted to confirm it wasn’t just him- he wasn’t just a lovestruck kid anytime someone laid their hands upon his heart and kissed onto his soul- “Finn.” Poe laughed- “You romanticize everyone you meet.” And Finn lowered his eyes—he’d gone on one his silly rants again.

He should probably have that checked out. It only seemed to happen around Poe now. “It’s… touching.” A soft peck fell to Finn’s cheek as Poe began to draw himself from the car. Finn followed after, trailing Poe through the apartment complex and up a set of stairs to his place. “You’ll uh- mind the mess. It’s a disaster.”

“I’m not here for the mess, Poe, I won’t be looking,” Finn’s eyes falling over Poe’s frame as he jingled his keys to the door and opened it—

“Well, then, if you want to make it the _bedroom_ , you’ll mind the mess,” he teased in return, opening the door and allowing Finn inside. He shut and locked it, tossing his keys into the kitchen next to a… _large_ coffee maker- an espresso machine, if Finn saw right. A small night light flicked on so that Finn could barely make out the quaint kitchen, the living room it was conjoined too. Poe brought out a bottle of cold water from the fridge, chugging some before having Finn follow him around. “Unless you prefer to do it in the kitchen, bedroom’s down the hall.” He tossed his head down the darkened hall and Finn gulped.

Nerves returned, shaking him down and Poe smiled that terribly sweet smile, that genuine grin. “Come.” He whispered, offering his hand to Finn who reached and took it—

Finn had some reservations, sleeping with Poe. The first had been all the rumors he heard regarding the man. The second, was mostly due to what he’d seen of Poe, how he’d been ignored. The last was mostly a combination of what kind of sex did Poe enjoy, was he clean or not, his own worries and self-depreciations… after all, how could Poe fall for Finn? But no one had come here to have sex with Poe.

In _fact,_ Poe had said he’d take a chance- a chance at something more.

That was all that was needed to sell Finn that the model at least _felt something_ more than a passing fancy in the artist. It was Poe’s eyes that declared that emotion, the crinkle at the corners, the twitch in his lips, the way his focus never wavered. If Poe would try…

Then Finn would certainly do the same and if that required a bit of sacrifice speaking with him every day, or seeing him every day? So be it. Poe didn’t switch the light on in the hallway, instead, squeezing Finn’s hand as he led him down the short distance to the bed room, drawing Finn within like a lifeline. “You sure about this?”

“If I wasn’t, would I have even showed up at the studio?” If Poe had an answer, he didn’t voice it, instead, smirking and nodding in agreement, Finn supposed. “I uh- it doesn’t have to- rush you know- right to-“

“Oh, I hadn’t planned on throwing you over the nearest flat surface, babe,” a hand came and slid up Finn’s hip, up his side, counting over his ribs before winding about his back. “You can set the pace- whatever happens though…” his free hand came between them, ghosting over Finn’s chest and stomach, lingering just above his waistline-“… I want that.” Finn swallowed, sighing when Poe’s hand pressed against his groin. When that heated palm smoothed further down cupping his awakening erection firmly, Finn whinnied a bit, his legs nearly buckling. “Ah, ah, don’t fall.” Finn leveled a glare to the model- “Would hate to explain that in the morning.”

“ ‘I’m fine, really, just tripped over some paint buckets at Poe’s while trying to find my clothes’,” Finn mocked and Poe laughed into a kiss, caught his bottom lip first between his teeth, tongue licking it before diving straight past Finn’s lips. Their tongues fought, and Poe won, if it was truly a battle, Finn had never planned on winning against him. Slick muscle teased and toiled with the other, swallowing whimpers and squeaks until Finn broke for air, lips glistening from the kiss-“S-Shit.” Finn yanked Poe back for another kiss, and he realized he could move his hands from Poe’s waist- _when had he grabbed Poe’s waist?!_ \- rushed through his mind, but they soon drew attention elsewhere, creeping up Poe’s back, drawing the hem of his coat with him—“Coat.”

“Indeed,”

“Off,”

“ _Oh,”_ Poe chuckled from the kiss and stepped back, drawing his coat off and with a fling, threw it in a direction- hopefully landing where he’d intended. “Yours?” Poe stepped back towards Finn, drawing the zipper down his chest, unhooking it and allowing his hands to roll down Finn’s arms as he drew the heavy hoodie off, _too_ tossing it where he’d tossed his own. “Better?”

“We’re getting there,”

“You going to point out-“ a kiss to Finn’s cheek- “which clothes you want off-“ another to Finn’s jaw, just below his ear. “and we’ll stop and strip?” This last kiss came to his neck, he felt his pulse, hammering away, hot like a poker.

“It’d be nice to have some _help_ in directing this,” Finn declared with less confidence in his voice than he liked—while they’d just been kisses, he’d always proclaim kisses to his neck were a weakness of his, the whispers of sweet nothings too. Or… _interesting_ ideas.

“Direction?” like Poe was a mind-reader, his lips traced Finn’s ear, the artist could feel a grin there too, feel the edge of his stubble against his jaw- “I want you on the bed, the direction is about north-west-“

“Dammit,” Finn huffed and gave a push to Poe’s chest, deciding to keep his hands there as he directed the model to the bed, another easy push had the man collapsing to sit on the mattress- “Smartass.” Finn leered down and then captured Poe’s jaw with his hand, kissed him rough- but short. Tantalizing. It was the first moment Finn saw Poe look disheveled- he’d gasped, his lips parted and were trembling from the direction.

“This is _also_ a good direction,”

“I have started a terrible trend,” Finn declared and Poe opened his mouth to speak but he’d been silenced. Finn drew off his damp t-shirt, half rolling it and tossing it behind him somewhere. He hadn’t meant to pose, but catching Poe’s eyes gleam in dim light peeping through the blinds of the window was something else. That gaping mouth was what discovered Finn’s sensitive stomach _first_ , then hands followed after to bring the youth closer, to kiss and nibble what taut skin would allow. “F… Poe…” he exhaled huskily and heavily, eyes hooded from Poe’s tongue drawing wet hot shapes along his abdomen whilst suffering beneath inquisitive hands mining whimpers as they traced shadows and highlights.

“Pants,” Poe finally murmured, his nose and mouth nuzzling the skin above Finn’s jeans and the youth huffed for it- “I’m _directing_ now.” He chided as fingers hooked into the belt loops, drawing Finn closer, almost knocking him over.

“I don’t exactly want to topple you, dick first,” Finn gasped, his hands seeking purchase on Poe’s shoulders at the insistent yanks, at the fingers digging against denim and trying to fuse with flesh.

“So picky,” said Poe, as he began to shuffle back onto the bed, though he didn't get far before Finn had him pinned, a hand on his waist, another slinking under his shirt and sliding it upwards. Poe arched from the bed and raised his arms above his head to aid Finn in drawing off the offending material—it was mistake because Finn pinned his arms and wrists with it- grinning as he teased him with kisses that weren’t quite there. “You’re a right bastard, you know that.”

“I think you like it,” Finn countered, his eyes and head dropping to ogle Poe’s hard on, tenting his own jeans, hips bucked under the scrutiny. “Tsk. You do.” Finn _did_ show mercy and draw the shirt off of Poe’s arms and threw it over the side of the bed, letting his fingers rake down those outstretched arms, down across his pectorals _and definitely_ over dark and hardened nipples too. Poe’s chest was speckled with hair, much the color of salt and pepper mixed, if he was honest, just long enough to run fingers through it—Finn felt the slightest bit of glee at the thought of bedding a man more than 10 or more years his senior…

But the salt-pepper coloration was visible just the slightest in Poe’s dark curls on his head, definitely prominent the very rare few times he’d seen him with more than just his usual stubble. If Poe ever thought he _looked_ old, Finn would deny it all, and say it was uniquely him.

“S-shiiit,” Poe groaned out, his voice carrying over the word as Finn settled upon his hips, rocking feather-lightly against Poe, his fingers toying with the sensitive skin of his chest- “I’ll be driven with madness, you keep this- fu-fuck-“ a particularly _hard_ grind to his dick- “-if you keep this up.”

“You look this good,” Finn ignored the models plea, his fingers dipping against the abdominal muscles flexing under each and every breath- “I can’t imagine they’re _just_ for show.” His fingers fell further and further downwards; until just hitting the button of Poe’s jeans when the artist found himself flipped, completely, his head crashed against a pillow, strong hands held his shoulders to the cool bedding with a very sexy Poe hanging over him, licking his lips.

“You’re right,” he leaned ever closer, his voice becoming deeper and more raspy as he approached Finn’s ear. “They’re to use against you.” Finn _really_ doubted, that, but his hips bucked against Poe who only met the action with a grind. The room didn’t capture the moans like the empty art studio did, it seemed to swallow them up, only to encourage more out—and Finn had _no_ problems letting them keen out in quick succession as Poe dragged his fingers down hot skin, stark shadow against the golden brown. Those fingers undid his button, easily undid the zipper, and that lovely warmth was gone as he slid down Finn’s legs, slipping to his knees at the edge of the bed and tugging tight jeans from carved muscle.

With shoes and jeans off and piled on the floor, Poe fumbled with his own boots, the model slinked _back_ however, his hands now mapping exposed thighs, tickled knees, drew his calf muscle to hook at his waist. His mouth kissed at the side of his knee, laid wet heavy kisses against quivering thighs, one to the right, then one to the left until his mouth fogged over Finn’s erection, fully hard and leaking too- if Poe’s eyes were focused enough in the dim light to tell. “Finn- man.” His voice held a bit of uncertainty to it, a hidden chuckle turned his voice ragged- he placed a kiss then just above his hemline, his fingers now hooking into his boxer-briefs—if Poe realized his hands gave a tremble at the anticipation, neither man called it out. “I’m not usually this…” he cleared his throat, another long kiss to his navel. “Man, I just- I’m clean, babe, have to be, you know, good food, good lifestyle-“

“Poe,” Finn called, propping himself up now to see those amber eyes intensify, become this smoldering blaze. “You’re rambling.”

“You’re _huge,”_

“I’m not gonna be the guy that pulls the race card here, but,” Finn and Poe mirrored the same silly grin, Poe shaking his head as he worried his lip between teeth.

“I want it,” Poe declared, and Finn had to take a breath and clear his mind, _isn’t that what we’re doing,_ was what he first wanted to offer, but a few seconds ticked by with Finn still silent- “I suppose I should say, _without_ protection.” This had Finn tensing, and Poe’s hands immediately sought his thighs, massaging them to relax as Poe climbed the bed and Finn, a chaste kiss against shocked and open ones. “We don’t have to fuck, Finn.” He assured with a smile- “I hadn’t meant it _that_ way. I just…” there was that devious pink tongue, curling against Poe’s lips again, as if he needed to make his mouth more alluring. “I want to taste you, Finn.” This was said at his ear, teeth tugged against his lobe, his hands working up his thighs until his thumbs could work that little spot between thigh and hip joined, roll circles gently as hips would twist and follow the rhythm.

“O-Oh,” Finn blinked after a second of processing what Poe had just said, that was easier said than done, however, with his hands damning him quite quickly. He wasn’t sure what he had thought Poe did during his… _sexcapades_ , though it had to be reasonable that the man didn’t just throw his dick around and bareback everything cute thing that _claimed_ he was clean… “R… I uh-“

“Don’t tell me Mister Perfect isn’t-“

 “No!” Finn waved a hand quickly and desperately- “I am- you know, kind of routine at an orphanage, you got checked regardless of your lack of activities or not.” He pleaded and Poe began to smirk wildly, this sultry sort of look darkened the shadows around his eyes, the twinkle in them only seemed to magnify and entice Finn to just _enjoy._ Those fingers latched back into the hem of his underwear and dragged them down slowly, Poe taking his time to reveal Finn’s hardened dick, grunting _with_ him when Finn’s dick sprung free of his last remaining clothing. Finn felt eyes upon him for a long while before he felt any movement, and he wished there had been a light on in the room, something to highlight the expression Poe had worn. He _knew_ what it _must_ have been, could see _some_ details, but he wanted more than that- to see if his mouth was hanging open from panting, to see if he nibbled his lips instead—he didn’t get much time to wonder when Poe’s tongue pressed against the underside of his cock. Finn swore he was hallucinating, he _swore_ he could feel the tastebuds dragging against his dick, could feel texture, the wet heat almost impossible to deal with. His hips bucked when Poe reached the tip, chuckling at the whimper Finn exhaled afterwards. “F…fuck.” He took a shuddering breath as if it could stabilize him, drawing back up to one elbow to see Poe, eyeing him from between his legs. One hand smoothed up his thigh, caught the tip of his dick between his fingers, and sucked tenderly at the base, a part that had Finn curling his toes and trying to keep his legs from bending with pleasure, rupturing pleasure- “Poe- I want you too-“ he grit out, determined and that hand, vanished, that mouth lingered close.

Finn guessed Poe had never heard those words before. “Please.”

“You don’t need too-“ his hand moved to return to his dick, but Finn caught his wrist, clumsily mind you in the dark, and held him still.

“I don’t, that’s why I said I want too,” Finn clarified, he hoped his voice didn’t sound as weak and trembly as it did to his own ears.

“In a minute,” Poe chuckled- “I’m not finished-“

“Then bring your dick up here,” Poe had his face ducking between Finn’s thighs at the words- it would have been hilarious to see big eyes peering over his stomach _if_ his cock wasn’t pulsing and twitching and leaking in the view. “Yeah I’m asking-“ he licked his lips and Poe’s eyes narrowed at the gesture, hot breath hit his balls- “suck me off while I suck you off.”

“I had no idea you were interested,”

“I had no idea you would be chivalrous,” tutted Finn in return, tongue waggling happily against his teeth now, eager for Poe- eager for this moment. “Besides, if you trust me, I can trust you.”

“F-Fuck hearing those words shouldn’t _make_ someone’s dick harder, Finn,” but Poe stood lightning fast, his hands shucking his jeans and underwear in one go, but before he could make a descent to the bed, Finn sat up, kissed his stomach, his hands squeezing hips he’d seen, hipbones he’d drawn- that they slid back and crested over his pert ass was… mostly unintentional. Poe rutted his hips forward at the touch, Finn taking handfuls of his ass and still having less hand to grip those mounds- “T-Thought you wanted to do it at the same time, y-you know, all couply and shit.”

“When you say it like that, you make it sound terrible,” Finn countered, gazing up to Poe who grunted when Finn’s hands squeezed his ass-

“Maybe I’m an impatient bastard, hoping you’ll just do as you say instead of teasing me relentlessly,” Poe’s voice trembled, unable to contain its usual confidence and manner. “G-God will you stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“T-Touch-ing-“ fingers wound a bit deeper, between cheeks instead, awfully close- “F-Fuck- I’m gonna die.”

“Alright, alright,” Finn gave a last squeeze and released Poe- but not until he heard the whine that followed from missing his touch. “Let go, let go, no wait, don’t go. Tsk, and _I’m_ the needy and fussy one?”

“Lay back down before I change my mind,” Poe gave a soft push, playful and Finn snatched his wrist, made him follow after into a fierce kiss, pumped with tongue and teeth, mapping how each liked to play. Finn drew back onto the bed and Poe just crawled after him, both smirking deviously until Poe turned about- he didn’t get a chance to enact anything, as Finn had his hands on his hips and drew him back until his cock hung above him. Finn found himself out of breath rapidly- taking deeper and deeper breaths just from _looking_ at him, holding quivering thighs now—“I’m- clean too- uh, by the way.” It was an awkward giggle that escaped, nerves perhaps- when had been the last time Poe received pleasure because someone else _wanted_ to give it?

Finn took hold of his cock gingerly, the pads of his fingers teasing over the head where precum was dripping, rolling it around the crown as Poe’s forehead collided with Finn’s thigh- “I’m too old for this kinda kinky shit.” Poe admitted and Finn snorted, kissing and sucking a hickey to Poe’s thigh-

“If you were, you’d have finished me off long ago,” Finn could see the splotch of darkened skin, compared it to his own and felt another wave of heat flush through his system- it coincided with Poe taking up his cock in a tight fist, tongue lapping at the tip of his cock, lips just grazing, beguiling him to throw his hips up- “O-Oh-fuck- P-Poe-“ he got an appreciative squeeze to his cock for the whimper, he ceased Poe’s ministrations when his tongue swiped at the head of Poe’s cock, tipping it down to fit it between his lips—

Whatever teasing jibes and actions they might have taken, it seemed they only needed _one_ person to set off the action to release. Poe descended upon Finn like a ravenous animal, sucking, slurping, pumping his dick with expert hands and mouth—they easily discovered what Finn liked best, how to get his hips to roll, to buck, and how to take him nearly all the way down.

Finn only prayed he tasted as good as Poe did- musky, sure from rain and cramped clothes, but after that? The tang of salt was just a reminder that Poe was real, that he was sucking him off and Finn was mirroring the action- Poe tasted _addictive._ Smelled like forest and paint, like canvas and earth. It was when Poe’s fingernails dug in a bit painfully at his hip that Finn knew Poe was close, could feel his thighs tensing and shaking almost violently- their moans only became huskier and louder. Finn sent his hand in, to help speed it up- the wet slicking noises might have deterred him if he were alone, but Finn knew Poe could make _almost_ everything sexy. Poe took a breath- popped off with a cry- it was pitchier than what Finn heard, his hand still worked Finn just as quickly, though he could feel his hand jerking uncontrollably with loss of function- “F-Finn- FinnFinn… gonna cum, gonna cum-“ his voice finally broke, crying out against Finn’s thigh, into the room- and like a dam Poe came undone with a heady suck to the crown and a few well-placed jaunting strokes—if his flavor before was musky, his cum was certainly that amplified- thick, hot- but he gulped it down. Though unable to finish it all, popped off to breathe—Finn would never have guessed his panting would have been sensitive to Poe, who’s cock still convulsed, release coating his chin, neck and collar- “F-Fuck- sorry- _fuck_ it was so good-“ his hands quivered when they returned- “Tricky bastard you are.”

Free now, from Finn’s mouth, from the overwhelming pleasure, his mouth and tongue were more experimental, though still harried, eager to finish Finn off as wonderfully as Poe had done. His fingers traced thick veins before stroking the base of his dick, bobbing and screwing his tongue about Finn with suction.

“Oh-Oh Poe- Poe fuck- _please-“_ with his mouth free, Finn realized he’d missed being vocal- his hands ravaged Poe’s thighs, he was sure there’d be scratches down them in the morning, maybe teeth marks against the soft flesh too- “Oh- like that- Po-Poe I’m- gonna- Poe-“ the acknowledging moan did Finn in, his release coiling his muscles and tensing, bundling in his gut before exploding down Poe’s throat- only for a few seconds, because even with as much experience as Poe _had_ , it clearly wasn’t enough preparation for Finn cumming. He came heavy against that tongue, and then a mouth freed him, Poe felt his release whip across his stomach and chest with a hand pumping each stream out tightly, squeezing him from every drop- and the last stroke had Finn whimpering, his body finally giving in to feeling chills and shaking. “H-Holy shit.” It’d been but a whisper against Poe’s thigh, and the muscle quivered violently. That thigh then moved, over Finn’s head and Poe turned about, on his hands and knees above Finn, their eyes met in the darkness, Finn knew that, though what played across them he could only gander.

Poe eventually shuffled down next to him, laying on his back beside Finn as they fought against their instinct to touch one another more, to share kisses until their breath was lost (though, realistically, that would have only taken a single kiss, to be breathless once more, Finn noted). Finn turned his gaze towards Poe, and Poe had his eyes shut- this close, he could outline his profile and Finn half rolled to face him- though now- his high draining without physical contact, the deed complete, Finn wondered what protocol was.

Could he touch? Could they snuggle? _Fuck, am I a teen? Can I cuddle, pah._ But it didn’t seem like such a silly question when he voiced it- well, _thought_ it. Poe turned to meet his eyes, a smile tugging on his lips-

“I like being the little spoon,” _Of fuck, did I just open my fucking gob, again?_ “And you did.” Poe laughed, though it was light and airy, breath apparently still missing from his lungs. “Don’t have to be shy now, after that suggestion.”

“I’m not being shy about it,”

“Oh, okay,” Poe murmured in mild disbelief, a smirk on his lips. He began to roll to his side and Finn had to follow after, though, he still wished he could have asked what protocol was. His arm slung over Poe’s waist didn’t seem to draw any repercussions, even as they mapped his stomach and chest lightly. So when his eyelids grew heavy with exhaustion and satisfaction, Finn didn’t bother attempting to keep them open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if you skipped to the end to avoid smutty scenes, they do it, they sleep and they're all lovey-dovey. *Claps hands together* Who's ready for school smut next? :3
> 
> Who'd thought I'd find an artsy quote to match this little treasure? XD
> 
> And you all thought I was going to break their hearts and shatter them to pieces. Silly geese!


	14. Chapter 14: Take a Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We all know that Art is not truth. Art is a lie that makes us realize truth, at least the truth that is given us to understand. The artist must know the manner whereby to convince others of the truthfulness of his lies." -Pablo Picasso

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, there's a little bit of a steamy part, right in the front. So, you know, heads up!

Finn opened his eyes and then closed them- the moment lasting less than a second, but he felt himself waking, felt the tender caress of fingertips on his arm, on his side, ghosting over like that of a dream or distant memory, teasing him from unconsciousness. When he could  _ keep _ his eyes open he found himself staring at a  _ just _ as sleepy Poe, cigarette between his lips, though unlit, elbow propping him up as his other stroked tingling designs against his skin. “You’re awake.”

“Looks like it,” Poe grinned and took the cigarette from his lips, and set it behind him on the nightstand, returning to his original position, hand reaching to now press more firmly against warm skin. “So um…” Finn started, his hands fisting now into the sheets, his eyes slowly lowering until they closed- he didn’t want to ask this, but he thought he should.

He thought it sounded  _ right. _ “What’s happening?”

“We’re in bed, you just woke, I’m touching you with hopes of not finding a ticklish spot and having a knee to the groin,” Poe smiled as he spoke, and Finn now knew what that smile tasted like, felt like against his own and against his skin, like it was seared for everyone to see. “That’s what happening.”

“I am aware of  _ that, _ ” Finn tried to sound upset, but laying in Poe’s bed, with Poe before him, naked too, Finn could feel his legs, tangled with his, the memories quickly rushing to the front of his mind—“I meant…” but  _ what did he mean? _ Oh he knew what he wanted to ask, but wondered if it was appropriate. Poe obviously wasn’t looking to kick him out  _ or _ get out of bed either- at least, not with the way he still looked, half-asleep and upright, hand lazily playing with the skin afforded to him.

“Maybe you should blurt something out again,” Poe prompted after a while of silence- “You know, so I can answer your questions.”

“A-Ah,” Finn chuckled worriedly, but Poe scooted in a bit closer, his arm now draped around Finn’s back, stroking tenderly still, barely-there touches eliciting pricks across his skin. “I guess… I guess I should leave?” He watched Poe’s reaction but all the model looked was a bit perplexed.

“If you want,” his voice, however, betrayed nothing.

“Well,” Finn continued- “I don’t really… I mean… don’t you want me to leave?” Poe’s hand stopping was the only signal Finn had that Poe heard him. Soon, the man inched a bit closer still, so their faces were but couple inches apart. “That’s what I should do, right? I’m not really… I’ve never-“

“I said I’d give it a chance,” Poe clarified. “No, I wouldn’t normally invite anyone here at all, and if I did, I’d kick ‘em out as soon as we finished.” Finn began to frown- “But, I don’t want to leave. It’s cozy here, it’s wet outside, it’s Saturday night…” Poe’s hand began to pick back up, tracing Finn’s shoulder blade. “I don’t want you to leave, either.” Finn relaxed under the words, perhaps not immediately touching as he had hoped, but, after all, Poe never did this before. He had to be special, at least now. “Could cook breakfast.”

“You cook too?”

“I can  _ eat _ it,” Poe corrected with a grin- “I didn’t say it was five stars or anything.” He leaned in for a kiss that Finn eagerly returned—Poe slid a thigh between Finn’s legs feeling his hardened dick against his thigh- a whimper broke the kiss. “I see we’re already awake here too.” His hand reached and tugged the half-hard dick, thumb circling the tip languidly, watching as Finn’s eyes rolled into his head. “Ah, youth and its vigor.” Finn’s eyes snapped open at the comment and the youth spared a hand between them, sliding down Poe’s stomach to grasp  _ his _ cock- a moan.

“Oh, and you’re not at all hard over this,” Finn cooed playfully, stroking Poe’s length with surety, each stroke had him hardening him as quickly as Finn. “All that youth.”

“S-So it was a  _ joke,” _

“A bad one,” Finn corrected but Poe silenced his cockiness with a kiss, sealing their bodies together as tightly as their mouths. “O-Oh- nng, Poe.”

“Stay the night, Finn,” a plea at his ear-

“T-Thought I was already?”

“Just making it clear,” Poe’s voice did an odd thing when pleasured; it wasn’t just a deeper version of his voice, didn’t add extra rasp or harried breath to it, it sound entirely different. Like another person owned it- it was strained, sometimes controlled, though it wavered through words—it sent chills down his spine, hearing it a second time, Finn wasn’t sure if it was a good feeling. The hand on his cock, however, led him to believe otherwise. With legs tangled and the fire clearly not doused, they came undone quickly at each other’s hands, spilling their release over their hands and stomachs, muffling moans against lips, tongue, and teeth. When sweat began to settle and Finn collapsed back into the bed, Poe followed after with long kisses, teasing tongue to play, subduing the flame between them.

Poe broke the kiss, nibbling at Finn’s lips as he drew back, his eyes lidded by dark lashes, his cheeks mahogany in the dim light of the window. “I think I like this Finn.” Poe pooled his head at his chest, the odd display of affection causing Finn to tense the slightest, breath bated as he waited for the model to settle. His arm wrapped about his stomach, head resting upon his sternum, Finn wondered if the model could hear his thudding heartbeat, if it pounded like a drum that would wake him in the night.

However, Finn found that Poe fell asleep—regardless if it was  _ old age _ as he was sure he’d quip the next day or exhaustion from school and work, maybe even their exploits, Finn thought it precious and carefully drew a hand into Poe’s hair. It was thick, but soft still, unlike how Poe had described it as being thick, unruly and sometimes wiry. Now  _ his _ was another story, but that was why he kept it cropped nice and short. His fingers massaged at Poe’s scalp and the model nuzzled against his skin with a huff like he’d been dreaming and Finn found it putting him to sleep too.

When Finn next woke he was staring at the eyes of a big fat orange and white tabby cat. The poor thing only had one good eye, the other fogged over, a huge deep gray stain over the only functional eye. As soon as he began to shift, the cat began to kneed, purr and chirp at Finn, rubbing its cheeks across anything the cat could find—it happened to be his forehead, hands, nose, the bed, the pillow- continuously chirping at Finn to wake. “O-Oh.” Finn reached to pet the fat cat who yielded, collapsing to the bed in delight, purring so loudly that Finn straightened, propping himself up on his elbows.

He missed the chance to wake up to Poe, but the cat wasn’t an  _ unpleasant _ surprise-though the chirping was a bit…

“Ugh, Beebee Ate, I swear if you’re licking his face,” Poe entered the room with just boxers on, eyeing the bed, Finn and cat included, with furrowed brows. “You know the rule on house guests.” As if the cat understood, he rolled _ away _ from Finn,  _ bawling _ this terrible series of jaunty meows. “Oh don’t give me that- I don’t care how cute he is.” The cat sat up, straight as a board, then, fluffed up and hissed, hopping off the bed the running past Poe growling lowly. “Sorry about the cat- he’s usually pretty shy around strangers.” Poe came towards the bed, digging a knee into it and leaning down for a kiss- “I hope he didn’t wake you.” He whispered and Finn smiled under him, offering up another kiss.

“No, he’s sweet, I like cats,” Poe quirked- “Though I’d have named him something a bit different.”

“Ah, Beeb’s, he was a stray, I called him Badboy all the time since he was the king of the streets,” Poe moved to sit at the edge of the bed then as Finn rolled around to curl his body about him. “A neighboring dog actually took off from his owner, tore the poor cat to shreds, it’s how he lost his eye, almost got eaten. So, he’s Badboy Eight-“

“Remind me to remind you  _ not _ to name animals, Poe,” Finn sat up, his hand stroking Poe’s spine- “That’s  _ awful.” _ Poe seemed to sag at the words, pouting honestly, side-eyeing Finn.

“ _ He _ likes it,”

“You just told your cat he couldn’t shower affection on me, he got up and hissed at you,” Finn pressed a short and sweet kiss to Poe’s shoulders- “I think he is  _ very _ aware of what he likes.”

“And his name is one,” Poe countered, though it was said with a grin, no cruelty present in his voice. Poe cupped Finn’s face for a softer kiss, his hand sliding down his shoulder then, down his back- “What’s this?” under his fingertips was a long scar and Finn straightened a bit, turning his back from Poe, a bit of shame seeping onto his face.

“I… joined the military, just two years, see if I liked it, didn’t, obviously,” Finn waved his hand towards his back- “In an ambush on the road, got whacked, so, I got sent home.” The youth shrugged and Poe didn’t press turning him around, his hand resting atop of Finn’s. Instead, the artist turned a bit, to show it off- a long near-pink still scar ran down from shoulder blade to waist, gnarled and jumbled where they’d pulled skin together- “It wasn’t very deep, I was out nearly for a year either in a bed, a wheelchair or crutches, but… I didn’t let it get in the way.”

“I’m sorry Finn,” Poe murmured-“I shouldn’t have pressed-“

“You’d have pressed sooner or later,” Finn smiled weakly- “Might as well now, instead of the middle of something heated. Talk about killing the moment.”

“It’s happened… before?”

“A few times,” Finn shrugged- “I think it’s kind of cool.” Finn craned his head over his shoulder just to the tip of it and the end of it before his gaze returned to Poe- “Right until someone touches it and freak out.” Poe made a purposeful gesture of reaching forward, of letting his hand smooth right over the wound without twitching away, without hesitation or disgust. His hands traced the length of it before he eyed Finn- “It  _ does _ feel, Poe. Just not as intensely.”

“Read my mind,”

“It startles me too,” Finn beamed and Poe stood then, turning towards his dresser and flung a pair of boxers to Finn with a grin.

“I have your stuff drying right now, washed ‘em earlier,” He rocked on his heels awkwardly for a moment, hands on his hips, biting his lip- “Um- breakfast. You hungry now?”

“I could eat,” Finn stood and he heard a sharp breath from Poe as he stood, the sheets falling from his body- “Obviously I know what  _ you _ want to eat.” Poe’s cheeks brightened-  _ so that’s what they look like. _

“Yes, well, even you need actual sustenance, so, to the kitchen, before sausage is on the menu,” Poe turned quickly on his heels, drawing a hoodie from a chair in the corner about his shoulders. He spun about then, turning back to the chair and rooting for another one before passing it off to Finn- not _without_ a faint touch to his hips before spinning back around. Finn felt a pleasing warmth pool, before he pulled on the boxers and hoodie, walking into Poe’s hallway- it was different than he remembered from last night- where shadows had cast across the floor nearly covering it in darkness, in the daylight it was bright, warm earthy colors, a fluffy green carpet, soft yellow walls—a _fucking mess_ though- either boxes of _who knows what_ decorated the floor, with canvases, papers, books- he had a whole _coffee_ _table_ made of books _literally_ holding a huge slab of wood atop it.

Poe was busying away in the kitchen, hissing every few minutes, telling Finn he could watch TV if he wanted or… if he could find a place on the couch, to sit-

“You have a couch? Where?” Poe appeared at the edge of the kitchen and living room, his eyes darting over the room as though he were trying to spot it, like a book or a dirty dish. He moved towards the window and drew off a few canvases, a couple of sheets, drew off a box and patted a corner of a couch-

“Right there.” He pointed and Finn laughed- “So I’m messy. I’ve got a lot of stuff for a small place- I moved practically  _ all of it out _ from my parents place years ago.” He returned, but Finn had no qualms.

BB-8, as Poe had named him, appeared, chirping to Finn before leaping to his lap and remaining pooled there contently. When Poe hissed that BB-8 should move so Finn could eat, Finn was sure the cat only moved to allow  _ Finn _ to eat. Not due to Poe chastising the animal. It was a simple breakfast, eggs, toast, coffee, strawberries. Finn raised one, licking some of the egg off of it first before he caught Poe’s eyes- they were fixated on his tongue.

“But  _ I’m _ the young and horny one,” Poe’s cheeks darkened and he lowered them to continue eating, though Finn knew he was still looking to him, the stifled moan was enough. They spent most of the afternoon together, lounging in Poe’s apartment before Finn said he should probably get home- after all he hadn’t texted his sister since he left last night- “I don’t want her to come find you and stab you. She would too.”

“Yikes, better suck up then,”

“You don’t have too,” Finn frowned-

“No,” Poe smirked- “I want too.” He drove Finn to the dorms, remembered which one he stayed at, and just as Finn began to put his keys in the door, Rey threw their door open-

“A text would be nice, you dickhead,” she snarled eyeing Poe, then Finn- “And you should have told him too, that’s my brother you’re trying to bed, not your common-“

“Rey- Rey!” Finn waved and she rested her glare on Finn then- “It’s alright, we’re cool.

“I’m so glad  _ you’re _ good, I was wondering if he’d buried you yet-“

“I have no alibi for that, Rey, plus, he's kind of an important guy-“

“You shush, you aren’t a part of this conversation yet, Poe Dameron,” she waved at him and Finn chuckled at the way Poe shut down like a child being chastised by his doting parent. It was cute to see his hands shuck into his pockets, how he stared at his converse with big stunned eyes. “You text me next time you go get some, so I don’t prep the squad to come find and avenge you.”

“I’ll text you next time,” he assured and Rey leveled a glare at them both before allowing them within- “So, reintroductions.”

“You’re adorable, like we don’t know who we are,” Rey motioned between herself and Poe- “I have to guess you’ve mentioned me.”

“Hard not to mention a spitfire like you,” Poe smiled- the awkward tension of earlier dissipating, like they’d all been friends a lot longer than a sparse few weeks. When Poe finally made his goodbyes, it was a longing kiss at the door, a few short needy ones afterwards- “Oh, you can’t come over anymore.”

“What?”

“Not when I have projects due,” Poe moaned, “-cause all I want to do is you right now.”

“P-Poe-“

“Ugh, go, please-“

“Poe, I  _ am _ home, it’s you who needs to go,” Finn teased and watched as a frustrated Poe huffed for a few more seconds before planting another kiss and leaving. He paused at the end of the stairs to look back, much like their first lunch-date had gone…

This felt like how it  _ should _ have happened.

“I need details, like,  _ right now,” _ was what snapped Finn back to reality, turning to a beaming Rey, her hands clasped tightly together, worry and a bit of hope flickered on her face- “So, is it real? This lovey-dovey game he’s pulling?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is going well, of course. 
> 
> Out of curiosity, been tossing around the idea of a Vampire au, I saw the one floating around on here, but I don't think it was PoeFinn centered? Would we be interested (I mean to say, would you all read it, I'm writing it for my silly nasty satisfaction and that of my editor/friend. Just curious!)
> 
> So? Thoughts? Conclusions? Do we love Poe again? Your affection is always welcomed and appreciated! (^__^)/
> 
> p.s. seeeeeeeee buddies, I can be /nice/. Like soooo nice.


	15. Chapter 15: And Take a Dive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "To make us feel small in the right way is a function of art; men can only make us feel small in the wrong way." -E.M. Forster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** 2-15-16 update: most issues have been corrected with this chapter. A conversation happens with both italicized font and non, please be aware this is how I write conversations that are not in person but through phone/text/skype etc. Italicized font with carrots '' are regarded as texts **

As the Winter quarter ended and their short, _barely_ two and half week break approached like a bullet train, Finn found that Poe was just as lavishing with his affections _in_ as he was _out_ of the bedroom. Poe had eventually asked what classes he was taking, where he stayed to study, if he ever did do it on campus, and the few times they bumped into one another- they’d always kiss. Always hug.

It was a strange euphoria that Finn found himself enjoying. The quarter seemed to lighten at the acceptance from Poe, this weird bubbly new… _relationship_ seemed to be what Finn had been looking for all this time—and it seemed that Poe hadn’t realized he’d enjoy it so much. Finn of course, still held some doubt that Poe just enjoyed it for having a familiar person to _lay around_ with- but they didn’t spend much time doing _that_ even. Whether or not Poe sought refuge in the studios on Saturday- Finn never questioned—one couldn’t possibly text as much as he could if he was _plowing_ that many students.

And thus the quarter ended, though during the break they only met up a few times, the holidays bringing their families together, Poe exclaiming he was _thrilled_ to be away, so many family members flew up to see them, he said, it was overwhelming. There was never a pressure on Finn to _have_ sex either- while they did everything under the sun _besides_ that, Poe never pushed, and never hassled—“I’m enjoying more doing this, discovering you, than I am letting out a quick release.” Had been what Poe answered when Finn asked, days before Christmas. Poe took him to the art store, watched what he ogled, what he said he’d need to come back for-

Finn would be surprised, nearly fainted, when he opened the door Christmas morning to let their dog out for a romp in the grass to see what he had wanted in the art store in a large hefty bag. They were wrapped, but it was obvious what they were.

 _Whom_ they were from.

Rey delighted in the development, having readied her knuckles for a fight if Poe had decided that Finn could just be a shag, albeit one he trusted and one he went to more often. Yet, seeing Poe, meeting him and having a few lunches with him and Finn, she saw something different than the playboy his friends and other students had seen. If he _did_ still do that…

He wasn’t _attempting_ to lead Finn on. At the very least, it didn’t make him a saint, if he was, but there had been no other incidents. Finn never returned to Rey feeling worthless, never felt less than the ground he walked on as she feared he might. She thought maybe, he’d turned around, perhaps his reasoning for not having sex was regarding building something _up_ with Finn- though what he described to her sometimes, she wondered _why_ they didn’t just fuck. _Gross._

Regretfully, their break ended and Spring quarter started- that first week Finn spotted flyers for the Spring Art show, though they had a generic email to ask about submissions and didn’t even have a due date! Finn sighed, but decided that it wasn’t going to happen until the end of June anyway, the spring quarter let out end of May…

Well, he’d ask Poe about it. Speaking of-

“Uh oh, don’t ogle that yet,” Poe covered the flyer for the show- “You don’t have all your pieces ready, buddy, and we need to fix that.” Finn groaned at Poe’s mother-hen attitude, a peck to his cheek had Finn smiling though. “I’m not sure who’s in charge, but last minute they asked me to make the flyers- I nearly told ‘em no.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“A weird part of me gets off on knowing you’re going to take one of those flyers down and keep it,” he winked as he wrapped his arm around Finn’s waist, tugging him down the hall to the grad student lounge. “Hold up a sec.” He opened the door and looked about, the door closing as Finn waited patiently outside- “Get in here.” A quick yank and the locking of a door had Finn frightened, but when Poe pressed him against the door for a kiss- he moaned shamelessly- “Shhh- they can still hear in the hallway.”

It was quick, _delicious,_ the way Poe slid down Finn’s legs and dropped between him, how he’d growl and purr when Finn would tangle his hands through his curls, softly tugging each time. His hands undid his slacks from memory, from practice, drawing his length out with earnest, a languid lick up the underside to swallow the head- “P-Poe-“ And with easy strokes, Finn was hard, shaky against the door as he tried to suppress his moans against his hand. Finn blamed it on all his pining for Poe and _finally_ having him that led to him becoming hard this quickly. Not to mention the skill and time Poe took to _learn_ all of Finn’s sweet spots. “S-Shit…” he’d never been able to get more out than his name when he’d been close- “C-Cumming- fu-fuck-“ one word would be all he had air for. Poe swallowed around him expertly- humming through it- the way he knew Finn enjoyed best. The last few licks were mostly because Poe enjoyed Finn’s shivers so much, several heady kisses landed to his thighs before Poe stood again-“I like your ‘new quarter’ clothes.” Poe smiled, tugging on the new jacket Finn had about his shoulders- a luscious blue-violet like iris’, fancy sneakers that matched too.

“I’ll wear n-new clothes e-every day for that reaction,” Finn muttered, his voice still harried and weak before his hands reached towards Poe, felt his own erection and Poe fell against Finn, his weight tense- “Ah, I see someone _really did_ enjoy it.”

“S-Shut it, asshole,” But Finn worked his palm over him slowly, teasingly, riling Poe up until he shirked his own pants, and _demanded_ to be had. They were done in a matter of minutes, needless to say, just in time to sneak out when a few grad students were heading that way- “Now, don’t you have class?” Poe was always more touchy after sex, his hands squeezing Finn’s ass in the tight black slacks- “Cause if you don’t-“

“Oh my god, and you tell me _my_ libido has youthful vigor,” Finn tutted but kissed him and parted with a grin. “See ya later.”

Finn felt energized- anytime he spoke to Poe, he felt a bit more pleased with his work, a bit more confident. Whether that was the effects of a confident and reassuring boyfriend, or the endorphins from affection and love pumping Finn up, he didn’t know and he wasn’t going to question it, really.

It was a couple weeks into the Spring quarter that a teacher of Finn’s informed the artist that he could start piling up what he’d want to submit for the show, requiring it to be a series, so Finn elaborated a bit what he had. The teacher was a new one for the artist, but had heard of Finn from other professors of his, and spoke a bit _more_ to him about what he should _write_ as a proposal to enter his work—Finn asked if the professor gave this knowledge out to everyone, but the elderly woman laughed, shook her head- Maz was a kooky artist, traveled the world, seen _a lot_ and she _knew_ a lot.

“No, I don’t,” she smiled a toothy grin. “But I see you have potential, and if you write a good proposal that moves those on the board to approve it, you’ll get a bigger space- more work to put up, more people to see your name, even an attendant maybe, to help auction work off or speak in your place.”

“So why tell me?”

“Because I know you can do it,” she beamed, as if it were common knowledge. “You need an edge, I’m giving it to you. You might want to make it all on your own, but take help- a little bit, not the whole platter, take enough. _This_ is a little bit.” Finn quickly returned home to start compiling which of his works he really wanted to enter- he had a minimum of five pieces, but _could_ turn in 20 if he got the bigger space.

        His hopes were _buzzing_ when Poe called- when they chatted over Skype and Poe looked messy. _“I’m painting._ ” He pointed his laptop down to the floor, covered in plastic, BB-8 licking at it- _“ ‘Ey! It’s not water you twit!”_ The cat bawled at him, before rolling away and Poe angled back to him- _“Yeah, that proposal is a big deal, write something that says you want the spot, but that you’re willing to let yourself fall. The teachers on the board are all a bunch of saps for romantic shit like that.”_

“And? Did you?”

 _“Oh yeah, I said that the artist doesn’t create a space for the viewers, the viewers create a space from what I present, fucking got me the corner spot,”_ Poe encouraged Finn to not stress about it and that the proposal would come in time. It should feel natural, not forced, should be meaningful but not overtly dramatic. Finn asked if he could write about Poe in it and the model stilled from his painting, eyeing his laptop sitting upon his books. _“If you think it’d be a good addition.”_

“They are _of_ you, in some respects,” but Poe squirmed a bit from the attention. “If you don’t like it, or it’s uncomfortable, I won’t. I was asking for permission, not stating a fact.”

 _“I- it’s just-“_ Poe paused and eyed the painting he was doing before turning towards Finn then- _“It’s just that- no one’s done that before. Written about me, at least, not in a kind context. Besides, teachers, and my work, you know.”_

“I doubt seriously, that boyfriends didn’t write sappy poems for you,” but Poe shrugged and his eyes softened when they returned to his painting and for a while the two sat in silence over the internet, Finn watching Poe and Poe eyeing his work. Finn would have checked the connection if it weren’t for Poe constantly blinking and pursing his lips.

 _“Maybe I’m just a bit embarrassed about that,”_ he chuckled, after a while, glancing to Finn- _“After all, they’re thinking about bringing me onto the board to help approve of the submissions. I might read it and get all weepy and they’ll not even bother reading it and approve it if it can move me.”_

“Good thing I’m also minoring in Creative Writing,”

 _“Oh_ **_fuck_ ** _,”_ that blush on Poe’s cheeks- _”J-just sweep me off my feet with writing too, now eh, along with the teachers? Stop, I'm glowing.”_ It was worth the man complaining and ranting about how Finn should focus on _work_ and not on _Poe_ , his work was good _without_ him! Finn agreed, but that didn’t stop him either, from grinning like a fool at Poe’s flustered expression.

Days later Poe caught Finn leaving the art building- “Hey, Finn!” He turned about and was kissed, hard- almost desperate- “I uh- I moved some of my work to the studio, I’ll be working on it over the weekend, thought you might want to come see?”

“I thought you did your work at home?”

“I was, but then Beebee Ate ran _all over_ one of my palettes and trailed paint everywhere like a brat,” he groaned- “on my carpet, and bed, and over an old painting.” He showed the jacket he wore, that old aviator coat, the well-worn sandy leather coat with colored paw prints chipped and almost fully scrubbed away. “He’s an ass. Can’t be in his space when he needs it.”

“You’ll be here over the weekend then? I’m only free Saturday evening, seeing my dad with Rey for a movie, I’ve got midterms this week,” Finn wondered if it would work-

“Nah, Saturday is good, or Sunday, either-“

“No, Sunday is football, so I’m staying at my dad’s,”

“Oh- _oh yeah-“_ Poe groaned- “Eh, maybe I won’t be here Sunday either.” They laughed and agreed upon a time- 8. 8 pm was late enough that Finn could be back with quality time spent with his family, and early enough to maybe squeeze in a bit o’ lovin’. Finn’s cheeks lit at the idea, and Poe immediately caught on- “Definitely will have time for that. I’ll be there before 8, of course, painting and shit.” He waved eyeing the art building with a sneer- “Ugh- I don’t want to go back-“

“Finals, Poe, you have to-“

“ _Ughhh,”_ his groan only got louder and longer, but Poe _did_ walk Finn to his class, a smoke break, then he’d return he said. If Poe knew Finn disliked kissing him after a smoke, and Poe became an adamant chewer of gum immediately after… he’d blame it on trying to quit the habit.

Finn blamed it on wanting to kiss him whenever Poe desired.

With midterms finished and Saturday here, Finn thoroughly relaxed—the day would be amazing with his family, with Rey and Luke, and then, he’d wrap the evening up with _Poe_. God, his hands were quivering in delight when he left his dad’s house, Rey also staying to do more homework, with the game tomorrow, he imagined that’s where he’d find himself too—or maybe Poe’s.

The thought had his stomach knotting tightly, twisting happily. He changed his clothes when he returned to campus, dressed a little bit _sexier_ \- or what Rey called his _sexy clothes._ He eyed himself and set off- two hours early, but he thought he’d surprise Poe- after all, he could watch him paint, watch his techniques- he didn’t want to outright disturb Poe. He brought himself to the art building, and checked _one last time_ in one of the bathroom mirrors if he was _decent_ enough for Poe. He took a breath and headed up—

One door was locked and so Finn moved to the other- it creaked open and he stood in the doorway _mortified._

But somehow, not surprised.

Poe was there, and so was another guy- a blonde, bent over the edge of the counter, leg hiked high upon it. 

“Figures,” Finn sneered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MUWAHA AHAHA HAAA.
> 
> You all /knew/ it was coming. I suspected I might have led a few people on, but I'm pretty sure everyone had their suspicions that Poe was not as loyal as Finn thought. If you all said "figures" at the end too, then I've done my job of making the readers a part of Finn's head :3


	16. Chapter 16: Into the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "One of the best things about paintings is their silence — which prompts reflection and random reverie." -Mark Stevens

His eyes lingered upon sweat rivulets that raced down now still muscles, watched as they mixed upon two different people, yet still surfaced and traveled for the same reasons. He swore to the heavens, to God, or gods, or _anyone_ listening, that’d he cry if he should have to witness this affront one more time.

Yet there were no tears that fell, there were no screams of ‘I can’t believe you’s’ or ‘How could you’s’.  There was just this lingering silence and a void that had been _finally_ filled; _I feel like I’ve come full circle._ Whole.

Finn felt _whole_ rather than feeling empty at seeing Poe with another man- an art student, most likely. The silence that reigned when he stepped into the studio went on for hours- _days- years even—_

No- a mere few seconds it seemed, because Poe’s partner seemed to sense there was a mishap, and he drew away from Poe, hands on his hips, though he wasn’t upset- nor disappointed. “I didn’t know it was going to be a threesome, Poe.” He’d said as he eyed Finn from head to toe, seeing how well-dressed he’d made himself up to be- maybe he trimmed his hair, had a fresh shave, but Finn wouldn’t admit it or deny it. “I’d have invited more people.” The man said licking his lips and Finn’s eyes finally settled to him, sizing him up before turning his eyes to Poe.

Now he expected _a lot_ of things from Poe. In part, he would admit, he expected _this_ very incident to happen. One could only wash away so much doubt from your mind with little reassurance from your lover. Poe _had_ shown affection, though Finn should have seen through it—it was _never_ affection. He was showing _his prize_ to those who might have propositioned him sooner.

Finn had been blinded by Poe taking a chance- _a chance to fool around with a friend-_ that it had blinded him to what was _truly_ going on. He didn’t even see it coming, yet there was no surprise on his face. If he had cried, Poe would not have been moved to comfort him, assure him. Finn had known the consequences of his actions, and he was staring at them now.

“I said we’d meet at 8,” Poe’s arms were folded over his chest, but his posture wasn’t upset, it looked baffled, and a bit thoughtful- like he was piecing together _why_ Finn looked as calm as he did. Finn _felt_ calm. There was adrenaline beating in his ears, made sweat bead at his neck, sure, but his hands didn’t shake, and there wasn’t a well in his stomach swallowing him up. “You’re early.”

“Thought I’d surprise you,” Finn eyed the room- a few large canvases on easels, paint out, but not open—the other man must have come right when Poe had arrived or when he was setting up. At least the _‘doing my art’_ part wasn’t an utter lie. “I see that isn’t the case.”

“Why did you come-“

“Early, or at all?” Finn rebuked and Poe’s eyes widened a fraction, enough for Finn to know he caught the model off-guard.

“Hey, man, if you were planning on meeting Poe, I don’t mind sharing—“

“You, don’t speak,” Finn waved his hand at the blonde. “You aren’t a part of this, so zip it, shorty.” The blonde frowned and opened his mouth but Finn leveled a glare that Rey would have been proud of. The blonde huffed and leaned against the counter pouting, hands waving in the air distastefully, but otherwise uninterested in their bickering argument. Poe in that time, had reached for his clothes- “And you, don’t bother. You’re going to continue to fuck him when I leave, anyway, and that will be shortly. Wouldn’t want to ruin the ‘mood’.” The boxers fell immediately back to their pool and Poe’s expression finally changed—like he’d been defeated, outmatched. His eyes darted between Finn’s, over his face, his arms, the way he stood, his mouth began to part the slightest as if he were confused. _How does it feel, Dameron?_ Finn wanted to ask, but he was going to keep this as civil as one _could hope_ to do. There was no anger in his voice, just disappointment. Hopelessness. “I thought you changed, I did, I guess that was foolish of me.”

“Finn-”

“I don’t want to hear what you have to say,” Finn stopped him- “It’ll be another little excuse, and I’m not inclined to listen or believe them anymore. I had my doubts, I did, but I thought, ‘he wouldn’t spend all this time with me, listening to the boring parts of my life for a fuck’.” Finn chuckled then, darkly. “I couldn’t believe that, considering I’d caught you fucking anything that was easily a 7 or higher, with a dick walking the halls.” He nodded to the blonde who waved his support of participation. “So I know you weren’t hanging around for the fuck, I really thought it was something else.” Finn snorted- “I guess you’re good at that too. Maybe that’s why you don’t fuck friends? Cause you start maybe feeling guilty? Knowing you’re walking all over their trust even though say it’s alright? Maybe they say something to you which makes you regret making that decision for them?

“I mean, really, it’s alright, Poe, I understand. I guess I should say, I understand that you’ll just keep doing _this_ , because you can’t have a relationship obviously, that lasts longer than a fuck-“ Finn shoved his hands into his pocket with an acquitted sigh, fingering the few condoms he’d brought with somber regret. “Silly of me to think that’s what you had meant back then.”

“You don’t know a fuck about me,” Poe finally spoke, there was fury in his voice, it hissed through even teeth. “You don’t get to grandstand like you’re a good fucking person, hell no. Don’t incriminate me about waltzing over your heart when if you supposedly, _knew_ of the risks.” Poe stammered on, his voice unable to hold his usual brazen postulating. He hadn’t convinced _anyone_ he meant those words, _or_ that he was correct.

“You’re right,” Finn shrugged, to spare them another bitter back-and-forth. “So yell at me, tell me I’m fucked up for accusing you of sleeping around- oh wait.” Finn _and_ Poe’s eyes landed to the blonde who was picking at his nails idly, still, somehow, rock hard. “Tell me how I know nothing about you again, I would have given you all the time I had to find out, to learn about it… if you had given me the chance, as I had.” Finn shrugged again, leaning against the doorframe with a solemn smile. “It doesn’t matter that I don’t know anything about you or your past- I know you don’t like relationships, the closest you get to a person is a friend. A quick fuck helps relieve your sexual frustration and stress. I _am aware_ of what it’s like too, you know, the whole fucking _world_ knows what sexual frustration is.” Finn took a deep breath- “But we could have talked. You know, talking helps. Not always, or right away or a lot.” All the model could do was clench and unclench his fists- words dying on his lips, or maybe… “Still nothing to say? Good.” He straightened, correcting his jacket and eyeing his paintings. “They’re coming out good despite Beebee running around on them.” He eyed Poe once more who looked ready to fight, to yell or scream, maybe cuss him out and tell him he was sloppy…

But Finn smiled, waved- “Go on. I’ll see you ‘round Poe.”

“You’re just gonna fucking leave?”

“Would it change anything by staying?” Finn eyed Poe gravely then, his eyes streaming down his naked frame, his cock still beating red, standing at attention, slick with a condom. At least he knew Poe hadn’t lied about keeping _clean_ with other lays, he supposed he could be happy about _that_ . “Mmm, that there-” a gesture towards said erection- “-seems to says _not a chance.”_ Finn raised his eyes then, to Poe’s. “So, goodnight. I’m sorry to have disturbed-“ this Finn said to the blonde who pouted.

“Could’a had a threesome,” the blonde jibed, popping off from the counter, a pep in his gait.

“Nah,” Finn’s eyes flicked to Poe- “He’s got a way of making you feel like you’re the fucking world. Would hate to see that fumble between partners.”

And Finn left. He heard some shouts, clear jibes of pleasure meant to make him hurt, to instill anger, or maybe even a reaction, but Finn had all he wanted. His chest thudded thunderously in his breast, but his feet kept him forward; down the stairs, out of the building, back to his dorm. He looked in the mirror and was smiling.

He decided to wait at the dorm until morning before returning to his dad’s place with Rey.  

Rey would ask questions.

He wasn’t sure if he had any answers.

**

Finn was sitting in his intermediate design class, listening to people present one of their projects, half listening and participating. Over the week, he’d learned from Leia that Poe was in charge of taking submissions and helping to recruit students into the Spring Art show, and if he wanted in, he had to talk to Poe.

 _Figures._ He thought, though he foresaw himself falling to bitterness over him, or even to sob helplessly against Rey on Sunday, yet he hadn’t. His heart didn’t give out, and the good joyous feeling of school hadn’t flitted away with the discovery that Poe was the same man that he’d always been. Maybe during summer break he’d find himself in a tornado of tears and regret and depression but at least for now, he didn’t feel terrible. There was still about a month before finals, and he felt ready.

Good.

He’d move on. This wasn’t how he expected his relationship to go, but he’d be damned if he didn’t enjoy what it had been—time however, told him to move forward. His experiences, told him to press onwards, _another step in your journey, don’t look back._ He glanced to his watch, almost 2, _Poe should be free_ Finn thought and glanced to his phone—if he _had_ to talk to Poe, he’d rather do it over the phone. Maybe he could pick up the papers from somewhere? The gallery might be the place to get them.

He deliberated until the student finished, and the teacher ended their class, insisting those who didn’t go today would go on their next class. Finn stood and collected his things, chatted with a friend in class and agreed to meet them for lunch. He stepped out in the cool sunlight of the courtyard and rang Poe-

What answered was a series of muffled noises, like the phone rubbing against cloth or hands- “Poe?” Finn asked with exasperation beginning to wear on him and irritation replacing it. Finally there was a moan and Finn rolled his eyes hard, all but catching them from popping out- “For fuck’s sake-“

 _"_ _Yeah, baby, this is me, oh yeah- just like that-“_ the voice was pitchy, yet its grovely sound wasn’t familiar.

“This is definitely not our Hoe Dameron,” Finn snarled and the man laughed-

 _“Yeah, nah, kinda has his mouth full right now- leave a message- that one does,“_ there was pop, what sounded like a smack- _“What the fuck! I said leave it- hello?”_ The voice was raspy, harried, rough from sucking a dick, Finn knew. Finn _knew_ that was Poe, would recognize it— so he hung up.

When he saw that Poe tried to call again, he denied the call. He tried a second time, immediately after, and Finn this time just silenced the phone, and went to meet his friend for lunch. Rey ended up joining them, and she asked if he’d stumbled into the illustrious _Hoe Dameron_ for the submission paperwork. “I believe he’s busy.” Finn said- “And I’m not interested in finding out where he’s conducting business.” The other student giggled too- she’d heard all about Poe from one of her senior friends who’d slept with him a while back— _probably when I was sleeping with him,_ Finn allowed the single bitter thought before refocusing his attention.

He ignored the texts and calls, and by the end of the week had 7 voicemails and 30 new texts from Poe- it was when he was leaving his class that Leia spotted him, cornered him.

“Did you get the paperwork submission from Poe, yet?”

“Nah, haven’t uh- really had the chance to get a hold of him,” Finn lied.

“Really? He told me he couldn’t a hold of _you,”_ but all Finn did was shrug. “Landlines, thing of wonder they were. Listen, he’s down in the first computer lab. I already sent a few students to him for the submissions, go down there now and apply. He’d be relieved to see you.”

“I do doubt that, Auntie,” but he didn’t wait for her to reply or stop him either. He wound around her and the other students and slipped into the computer lab. A few students were cluttered around, for lab time on computers, half checking Facebook instead of doing their homework. Finn’s eyes scanned the room to find Poe talking to another student, taking their submission papers and pictures. Finn moved and stood at his desk quietly until Poe eyed him- leapt from his seat.

“Finn!” His cheeks flushed red immediately upon seeing him, and Finn cocked a brow.

“Leia told me to come down here,” Finn answered as Poe blinked his response, a short and muffled huff escaped- confusion knitted his brows together. “For the gallery submission papers, for the show.” Poe looked towards his desk, then, he took Finn’s wrist and tugged him out of the room. “Where are we going?”

“Just come with me,” explained Poe-

“I need to fill out those papers, Poe, I have homework to finish,” he fought but Poe didn’t answer and led him to the art gallery, standing him beside a desk as he called around for the receptionist. She was the one in charge of the gallery _and_ it turned out, for handling submissions.

She also happened to be the one who had the paperwork for _who_ was approved for the Art Show. Poe quickly hassled her for the paperwork, she made a snide remark about being an agitated _ass_ to everyone, his counter glare had her just sitting at her desk minding her business, peeved, clearly. Poe then began to fill in a few boxes, wrote in Finn’s name, asked what his series was called- “Why does it matter?” Finn frowned-

“Just tell me,”

“Ugh, _‘In Zero Gravity’_ why are we here?” He exclaimed and the receptionist looked ready to tell him.

“Look, I’ve been on the committee, working with them in deciding who should be represented there and such. I don’t get to vote on who gets in, but my opinion has a lot of sway. I’ve been chatting up the committee members about your work, showed them a few samples, and they mostly all told me you would get a space in the Show.” Poe explained as his hand continued to write furiously over the page. “I’m just skipping the submission paperwork, because you’ll get in regardless.” _Only take a little help, not the whole platter._

“No,”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Poe snarled back. “I’m saving you and me _both_ time-“ but Finn yanked at Poe’s writing hand, and snatched away the paper.

“I said no-“ he began to shred it and Poe looked to it with a sneer.

“Why won’t you let me help you?” The model growled at him, tossing the pen to the table, arms tight across his chest. “I’m saving you from having to fill out a tedious form and write a proposal. You’ll get in even if you say-“

“Then let me get in on _my fucking own,”_ Finn snapped back. “If I needed or _wanted_ your help, I would have asked for it. I want to get into this show on my own, I want _them_ to judge my work _for themselves._ ” Finn pointed, his finger jabbing at Poe’s shoulder- “if I needed help from the school’s w-“ he stopped- “goody-two shoes, I’d have been dropping to my knees a lot sooner.” His eyes settled then, to the receptionist who looked _stunned_ at hearing the argument. “Sorry, ma’am. I uh- you don’t happen to have the paperwork for submissions, do you?”

“I do, Finn,” she knew his name. “He is right, you know.” She said to Finn, dark eyes settled to her blue ones. “You would get in, I’ve seen your stuff. He _is_ saving time.”

“I’m not here to save time, I’m here to live in it,” he took the paperwork and eyed Poe and then left. Poe trailed after him and Finn stopped in the courtyard- “What do you want?”

“I called you?”

“I got it,”

“You never responded,” Poe murmured. “I wanted to make sure you were alright. We never…”

“Talked?” Finn turned about and Poe nodded. He didn’t have a cigarette on him, in fact, he didn’t have gum either- his clothes hadn’t smelled of ash and neither had his hair. He looked nervous, his hands twitching a bit, his lip being pulled in a bit too often to be coincidence. _Odd._ “What did you want to talk about?”

“You know damn well what I want to talk about,” the model rubbed at his eyes, groaning in frustration before taking a seat at one of the wooden benches. “You drive me fucking crazy.”

“Before or after we stopped fucking?” Finn couldn’t help the jibe if he tried. His hands fisted into his coat pockets and Poe groaned at him. “I said what I had too. Figured you did too.” Poe’s head had been bowed, a hand rubbing his neck like it was sore. His hair was ruffled, but by stress, not by sex. His eyes widened and shot upwards to look at Finn, startled. “So. What did you want to say? ‘I’m sorry’?” He snorted, a smirk coming over his lips but it soon turned into a frown. “It’s fine. We’re fine. You do you, and I’ll do by me.”

“Finn,” Poe’s voice wavered with trepidation, sorrow caught deep in his throat.

“You can’t be that sorry if you’re still fucking every ass that comes by,” Finn countered before the model could even finish. “So, unless you have something meaningful to say, I’m going to go now.” Poe leapt up, reached for Finn, but the artist stepped out of his reach, tense, hands drawn from his pocket, ready to shove away if need be. Finn would have to admit, he’d never seen Poe look so upset by a gesture, his eyes swelling, glossy almost—it could have been the sun too, catching all the autumn colors in Poe’s eyes _just_ the way Finn loved. “I’ll see ya ‘round.” And Finn turned to leave. His head down. His shoulders slumped.

Poe did not follow after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I'm mean, cruel, this was utterly predictable, but we're not here to read about why its a different love story, and I like to make Poe the unfortunate one to suffer our combined distaste/dislike/anger/hatred.
> 
> He gets Finn, so I'd call it all even, you know. 
> 
> Starting to wrap up, now, aren't we? Got the major "break up" outta the way, now we're heading down the path to straight and utter drama and crying sessions- I mean- it's all happy crap after this. :3


	17. Chapter 17: Let it Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one." -Stella Adler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, forgive me if there are errors, read it a few times but might still be craptacular.

The world had spiraled out of control—no, rewind. His _romantic_ life had spiraled out of control in a mess that pooled and then became sticky. Clinging always to the back of his mind like old sun-dried gum on the sole of a shoe. It seemed everywhere that Finn turned, there was a new poster that reminded him of Poe, or the way a couple would share heated kisses between classes against the nooks around campus. He swore that his eyes lingered on men of similar build and type to Poe too, more than what would be considered _appropriate_ …

Yet when asked if he had changed any- if he seemed off or moody even- no one seemed to even notice he _had_ a love life. Whilst that did _upset_ him, it seemed odd that he’d wiped his hands of Poe with as little effort as walking away. Had he not bragged to his friends about him? Rey of course, being the exception.

Had he not seemed utterly fused to the man’s hip, with desperate young hope he’d return his feelings in truth?

Finn perhaps, had to give himself credit then.

After all, if no one even noticed that Finn had been _happier_ , then he must _not_ have been.

By the end of the quarter Finn had received notice that he was one of the chosen students to participate in the Spring Art show hosted in June. He told _everyone_ who would listen, even those that didn’t care _at all_ he bragged and spread word. If he had time to make _posters_ about it, he was sure he would have. “No, dad I got like a huge space- I can put up all of them there!”

 _“The whole series?”_ Their father was sitting in the kitchen of their house, laptop open and Skyping with Rey and Finn. _“I’m so proud Finn. Are invitations going to be sent out?”_

“Yeah, they’re gonna be sent out to the neighborhood in a week, and I have a few that I can also give away too! Oh, dad, I’m…”

 _“You deserve this, you worked hard for it,”_ their father was always patient, had always been kind. He’d been there when Rey and Finn had needed a family the most, a father or parent, a guardian, and he’d been it. And to hear those words, from a person he respected, Finn’s heart fluttered silly in his chest.

 “He’s been constantly at work on them, dad, slaving away,” Rey said at his side, rubbing Finn’s shoulder- “He actually has to dress up for it!”

 _“Oh, great, now I have to dig out something fru-fru,”_ the three of them laughed, and while they _wished_ to keep talking, they said their goodbye’s and busied themselves with their finals- Finn and Rey only stopping to take a walk or eat, chatting sometimes about their work or things they’d remembered in class.

It was when Finn happened to be passing some of his invitations out, a week later when he received them, that he stood before  _the_ studio door on a Saturday. He hadn’t spoken to nor heard from Poe besides a congratulations text about his being approved for the show. Poe didn’t become cocky, didn’t tell him _see, told you you’d have gotten the big section_ or anything. He said he was proud and happy to see that Finn got through, and that he knew Finn deserved this. The artist wondered if he should have started his crying then…

After all, it was only a matter of time before his heart would crumble under the weight of the incidents between himself and Poe, it was only a matter of time to start unraveling his feelings and let them wash away. He stood waiting at the studio door, _how many times have we been so close with something between us, like this?_ His eyes mapped the heavy wooden door like it was Poe himself before he raised his hand to knock- instead the door swung open and a woman was there, just as surprised as Finn was. She blinked before Finn began to recognize her- one of the grad students, Poe’s friend, Jackie maybe? Jessie? _Jessika._ They stared for a while before she looked back inside, then stepped out, hooking her arm with Finn and walking away from the studio.

“What are you doing?” Finn puffed.

“I’m dragging your ass away from the tornado that you’ve started,” she hissed between her teeth but Finn yanked his arm out of her grasp- she tried to latch back on but he was faster—stepped from her reach.

“That _I_ caused?”

“Alright, so maybe you were just a catalyst,” Jessika sneered but then… where Finn expected rage and a fight… harsh name calling or insults…

Her eyes glossed over in pain. “He’s always been like this. Ever since we met in college, back when we were your age. When we met him, he was just as he was- laughing, always buddy-buddy with any fool…” her hands whitened at the grip she had on her arms- “Then one day, he just shut down. He skipped school, he dropped out of college for the quarter, and stopped talking to us. He tried to sell me that he _‘left the country’_ but that’s a load of crap no one believes. He lied right to all our faces. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s lied to us about you and him. Or for that matter, why he continues to be a royal fucking prick and sleezing around.”

“Why are you telling me this? If I’m such an ass for causing him another _mid-life crisis,_ why tell me?”

“Because you’re the one standing at the door where he passes time with his one-night fucks,” she bit back and Finn glared to the floor, hoping it’d swallow him up. It didn’t. “Because for once, I’m not sure if he made the right choice with you. He shouldn’t have let you go.”

“That’s a first, I’m guessing all his lies he’s spun you finally caught up?” Jessika shrugged, paced to the wall and leant against it. Finn stepped a few feet closer to hear her, to listen.

“We all have some ideas of what happened, I won’t repeat them because he has the ears of a wolf about that personal shit, but, I only know the gist, what he _wants_ us to know,” she murmured, let his eyes close, head upwards as if to avoid tears from cresting over thick lashes. “I trust him to know what is best for him- if his one-night stands helps him focus so a relationship isn’t necessary, fine. But for once, I think he’s wrong.” Her eyes fell to Finn- their shimmering concentration on him had him swallowing thickly, avoiding her powerful gaze. “I think he’s wrong about you. But enough about why I’m here and pissed off at the pretty asshole. Why are you here? Certainly not to chat, or for a fuck.”

Their eyes both fell then, to the flyer in his grasp, the postcard notice about the Art show in June- they were _meant_ to be invitations, after all. Jessika wondered if he had written Poe’s name on it.

“I know he knows about it-“ started Finn.

“You actually _want_ him there?” Her voice was pitched- disbelief- _unable_ to grasp _why_ he’d desire Poe to be there.

“I don’t know,”

“You were waiting to see if you did want him there?” She stepped towards him, head ducked a bit to meet his lowered gaze, her voice softer now. “You were waiting to make a decision and you needed to be here for it, didn’t you? Otherwise the answer would have always been no.” Finn just let a frown furrow on his face and she reached and took the invitation, sure enough Poe’s name was written on it- the start of his address too like Finn hadn’t really _wished_ to have to face him again quite so soon. “I’ll give it to him.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t want to see him” she met Finn’s eyes again- “And I don’t know if he wants to see you either, but I mean that in the kindest way possible. I’m not really sure if he’d fuck you there, slap you, or kiss you. Or all three.” Finn thanked her quietly and watched her walk back to the studio, eyeing Finn before stepping inside and immediately Finn heard a smack- indistinguishable arguing, mostly from Jessika—Finn would have laughed had it been that sort of situation.

If she had said anything about Finn’s presence to Poe that night, the model hadn’t chosen to tell Finn or text him about it, remaining silent as he had been previously. Finn often wondered just before bed if he should tell Poe about the conversation, if he shouldn’t reach out and ask how he was doing- but then Finn remembered how much it’d hurt when the model didn’t respond…

_An eye for an eye…_

**

Finals approached and they rushed past, both Rey and Finn passing but having to hurriedly pack all their things into their car and return home for the summer before they could properly gloat. They said goodbye to their roommates who asked if they were returning for Fall Quarter and that they should try and apply to be roommates again (after all, they were all nerds, enjoyed video games and good books, and were comfortable with one another). The siblings returned home and immediately, the family went out to shop for Finn, to find him something _nice_ to wear for his upcoming debut at the Gallery. He was fussed over by both father and sister, until they all had something that made them all match.

Finn was adjusting the shirt in the mirror of the dressing room, eyeing himself in it as his father and sister keened with excitement, how good he looked, that was really a good color, what they still needed to get and already planning a huge reception for him, but all Finn saw was Poe standing in the mirror with him.

All he saw were the fractured memories they shared and how despite getting here on his own, he felt somehow indebted to the model. His hands smoothed the seam of the button up shirt down, and in the mirror, saw Poe’s hands doing it instead, a kiss to his jaw, a smile, a wink. When Rey spun around before him she caught a glimpse of his expression but he instantly spun her- “I’m going to be famous now!” He had cheered and she laughed- said then he had to lavish her in expensive things for no other reason.

Clothes bought, food consumed, the family wandered around the outlets in glee. They poked into various stores, ogled knick-knacks together. The three of them wore gaudy sunglasses they found in the store, snapping a photo of the three of them and releasing it into Facebook, laughing. The excitement never left, even as they returned home and were met _with surprise_ by Leia and her husband, Han—

Oddly, Rey nudged Finn and explained the tawny black-haired youth behind them was the kid who blew up in one of her classes a few quarters back—“I didn’t realize such cool people made such a bad kid.” Oh they knew they _had_ a cousin. They also knew he did not _refer to them_ as his family, so needless to say they had never met.

Han was a fun Uncle, Rey and Finn discovered, his work as practically an _everything-man_ was interesting and enjoyable to hear- Leia and Luke had very straightforward lives, if Finn and Rey were to be honest… And Han, like them, had been an orphan, though with less advantages than they. To know they weren’t exactly the only ones with hectic childhoods had been a relief the siblings hadn’t realized they held. The afternoon wore onto early evening, and that’s when Rey and Finn remembered they had an aggravating cousin.

Leia and Han did leave much sooner than desired when Ben threw a fit- a grown _man_ throwing a fit was both amusing and _sad_ but Finn and Rey jibed to one another about him, even though Luke tried his best to cease them, he did crack a few smiles. The night passed as the three of them prepped dinner and ate watching an action flick. Restful sleep took the siblings after a long week of sleepless nights for finals.

**  

Days before Finn’s show, he began to have nervous sweats. He’d gone earlier to see his work being installed with many other students, could hardly contain the tears and cheers from seeing their work hung upon eggshell-colored walls. They’d been informed there would be music, fancy drinks (though Finn wondered if ‘fancy’ applied to the glass in which those drinks were served or the price of the drink itself). Food would also be present in tiny sandwiches, fingerfoods and such. The students were all bubbling and Finn couldn’t _believe_ that hundreds of people would be seeing his work- and not just classmates- whoever received invitations might show, parents, other artists, _buyers…_ Finn took a breath as they returned home after the initial viewing. Finn wondered if other students were as nervous, or if he was singled out amongst the crowd (hardly, came his subconscious).

His mind wondered _then to_  Poe and if he _would_ actually show. If he’d come to lend his support in person.

Tucked into bed, fresh from a shower, shirt and sleep pants loose and thin from the rising temperatures of summer approaching, Finn reached for his phone. He held it for a moment longer before starting a new message directed to Poe and his thumbs hovered over the keyboard for hours. _Just, keep calm, yeah?_ Finn worriedly chewed his lips before starting to write. He swore his message had taken until dawn to write, and with each character his throat constricted and tears threatened to spill over flushed cheeks. He’d been gritting his teeth, when he read back his message, concise, short, and a guilty-pleasure; _ <Hey. Gallery is opening soon. I *have* to be there. Will you?> _

He knew without a doubt he’d not receive a reply. If he was surprised by one, he wasn’t sure how he’d react, but he had a curious suspicion that Poe would not. This was just his way of shoving the pain down deeper and holding out for a shred of decency from Poe. After all, there had been a time that Poe showered Finn with affection and sincerity. His act couldn’t have _all_ been fake. Finn rolled to his side, away from his phone, and nuzzled into the pillows, his heart pounding away in his breast. _An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3 so not much in the way of revelations. This one and chap 19 are very similar in that they move the story forward a bit with little development.
> 
> This is a few days before Finn's big gallery debut, we excited to see what drama will happen? Maybe a make-up kiss? Heart felt confessions? Maybe a slap across the face? Ho-hum. ψ(｀∇´)ψ


	18. Chapter 18: Release Me from This Prison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Picture, n. A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three." -Ambrose Bierce

His shirt was tucked, his sleeves pressed, his waistcoat was dark and smooth and its accents shone brilliantly under the light of the gallery. His shoes were shiny, much to his dismay, and his hair had been trimmed short. His face was washed and if Rey had added eyeliner to him he would _never_ admit to it. His breath was minty as if he were preparing to make out, his chest was tight, beads of sweat were wiped away quickly with hushed whimpers and frowns. The diamond in his ear felt heavier somehow, he had never worn a large earring before, but Rey had insisted.

She always did. He wore gloves that held no purpose, covering _literally_ thumb, his index finger and his middle finger. His pants were creased and ironed and he was dusted off three times before he was _allowed_ out of his father’s car, with Rey attached at his side. The artists had to arrive early after all. Those with larger wall space had an attendant who stayed within the area of their work that the artists had to greet, and discuss what sort of amounts to bid the pieces for. Whilst Rey knew what to say and hit it off with Finn’s attendant easily, Finn’s eyes lingered elsewhere.

On the walls. On the hanging canvases. On the heavy wooden frames, the polished glass. The decorations that dazzled with splashes of color, the classical music that ran with a pop-beat and simmered over the atmosphere. They wandered about, able to see and meet other artists. A few Finn had become friends with over the past few quarters. Excitement doubled over, smiles  were gleaned, compliments collected…

When the door began to open to the public, it felt like the floodgates had been open. Finn felt chilled out of anticipation, even a bit of fear amass in his chest as strangers to him began to enter and gaze at what they had created. Not even the heavy wool waistcoat he wore could prevent him shivering, fretful. Finn stood beside his work as what felt like liquid nitrogen ran through him, chilling him down to his bones as Rey left to find their dad, curious if he had gotten lost while finding a spot to park. Teachers came and spoke to Finn, passing the time—niblets of food and drink were passed around and collected again, only to be replaced with a second offering. To a student visiting, regarding how many times the champagne had come around his way, he commented, “Any more of these, and I’ll be seeing double of everything.”

Laughter filled the gallery.

And well into the night Finn found his eyes lingering upon his biggest piece, hung proud- warmed by a cherry-colored frame, the gleam of glass not at all disturbing the viewer's admiration. It was a gentle question that disturbed him from his reverie, may I run to the restroom, that had Finn now standing alone as his attendant hurried off, eager feet carrying him away. He wondered idly for a moment, if the eagerness in his gait was not for a bathroom break, but for something a little more frenzied.

His eyes dropped then, to the marble floor beneath polished shoes and he felt sadness begin to slip against him like a heavy woolen blanket, weighing upon him, yet keeping him _just the right amount_ of comfortable. It began to weigh on his shoulders, causing them to sag unconsciously, the realization of everything that had come to pass in the last few quarters began to bombard his eyes like a movie reel, the funny, the good, the terrible, the heart-wrenching. The feeling of an unbearable weight finally crashed against him, he thought he might have been hunched like Atlas carrying the world— because for a moment in time, his world had been Poe. He could feel tears constricting his throat painfully, eyes fluttering to keep them from falling. His chest hammered in suffering, ribcage sore from the beating of his heart…

Though even now his heart thudded away, it was slowly losing its strength—

“Finn?”

His body went rigid at the call of his name- at the _voice_ that called from behind him. _Dare I look?_ His eyes turned first, then slowly his head, then his shoulders, his hips, his legs following last—and there before him in a pastel cobalt suit stood the object of all his works in the series that hung all around him. There stood the object that had made his heart stammer inappropriately, made him smile without meaning too.

There stood a man, dark curls tamed, wrangled he was sure with plenty of product and time.  His cheeks were glowing slightly pink, Finn wondered if his own would have reflected the amount of champagne he had consumed. His jaw and chin had nearly been ridden of his stubble, just barely there now, smooth. Finn knew this without having to caress.

His shoes were polished too, his buttons gleamed in the chandelier-hewn light. “I uh… hmm...” He chewed his lip and stared at the floor, rocked on his heels and sighed. Poe _looked_ as Finn felt, unable to voice his thoughts coherently, and despite the dressed up appearance, he _looked_ disheveled. “I had all I wanted to say, planned out, for your information. Rehearsed in front of my mirror, wrote it down like a script,…” deep amber eyes raised, the start of smile before it vanished like a ghost. “The whole nine yards. But uh, I guess I wasn’t meant to be an actor.”

“It’s a little different, if it’s personal, about your life, it’s hard to say the things you mean,” Finn shrugged lightly, brows beginning to furrow. He felt calmer now than he had in the last few moments. “Harder even to admit your faults.”

“I’ll attest to _that,”_ a server walked back, passing off champagne and the model took two, offered one to Finn who eyed it with a glare- “Please take it so I don’t look like a fucking…” when a couple beside them had narrowed his eyes at his words, hissed even, Finn reached, avoiding coming into contact with slender fingers, smoothed, lotioned, they looked so _soft-_ it was a guilty desire to touch them. “I’m sorry.” Poe finally murmured- “I’ve just… have had… well. A busy month.”

“We all did,” Finn motioned around the gallery with the glass, but did not drink. He did not _want_ a thing from the man. If he could help it. Yet, he knew he’d never be able to last under Poe’s discerning eyes, he needed to get away as quick as possible, lest he fall prey to another lie again. That had his chest tightening strangely. Poe took a few shaky sips of his own, exhaling heavily and eyeing Finn’s pieces.

“They look good,” Finn eyed them too, weary suddenly.

“Thank you,”

“And not because I’m in them either,”

“You’re not, Poe,” Finn rolled his eyes at the light jibe the model attempted. “I only used you as a reference.” Poe didn’t speak, however, and when Finn looked to him, his lips were downturned at the corners, his brows quivering in dismay and his eyes seemed to fog over- _did he want them to be of himself?_

“Of course, nothing more,” he bowed his head quickly turning it away with a heavy groan. “I’m glad you got in- a corner section too.”

“Speaking of, you didn’t have anything to do with that, did you?”

“You made clear you wanted to get in on your own, so no,” Poe managed to sound almost _upset_ about it, though his voice was even. He took another shaky sip, polishing the champagne off and snatching another when an attendant wandered past. Poe straightened his coat and tried to sound more authentic- “They asked and I said I’d refer to their judgment. They all thought it was weird, since previously, I had lost my mind about your series…” his eyes gleamed again, like tears were caught on his dark lashes but he’d never let them fall. “Can I speak with you?”

“Aren’t we speaking?”

“I meant alone,” Poe eyed the crowd- “Away from here maybe? My place is clean now-“

“I won’t go back there,” Finn added sharply. _Oh no._ “We can talk here.” But it seemed that Poe had nothing to say if he could not say it away from eyes and ears—Finn wondered why that was, but he figured he didn’t want anyone to know that Poe Dameron might have been wrong for once, that even his friends began to doubt him and were conflicted about his sleeping around and leaving Finn for that. “What? Are you afraid that someone would hear that you made a mistake?”

“I just wanted to talk somewhere private,” the model defended.

“Like the last time I was suckered into that,” Finn snapped, Poe’s brows furrowed tightly then, lips pursing.

“I think _you_ wanted to talk last time, I didn’t want anyone to interrupt,”

“I wish they had,” Finn said with regret, his eyes fell and remained glued to his shoes.

“Is that how you really feel?” If Poe was an expert in anything, it was his ability to control the tenor of his voice- how he could keep it sounding _just_ as he wanted to; blank and emotionless.

“What was I supposed to feel? You made it clear you felt nothing,” Finn hissed and that’s when that depressing weight returned, when it wrapped its arms tight about his shoulders and told him to _weep._ That’s when his eyes blurred the slightest, when he hastily passed the untouched champagne glass to an attendant making her rounds. When the attendant blinked at him for several long moments, Finn realized it hadn’t been _just_ a feeling of tears falling; he had tears that were indeed, _falling_ . He hastily wiped at his eyes, careful of the _stupid_ eyeliner that had stung his eyes a little more intensely than simple tears. Finn felt upset, he wondered if his face mirrored that, if he looked as disappointed and mad as he felt. He probably looked defeated. “We didn’t have anything, we fucked, and it was with someone we trusted right?” He hissed, attempting to keep his voice quiet against the calm background, but failing as he continued. Poe had reached for him in that time, to comfort or hug or touch, Finn smacked his hand away, side-stepping his advances. A few people who had been milling about nearby turned to inspect the noise, prying eyes- _fuck._ “What did you want to talk about, Poe Dameron, or so help me-“

“Us,”

 _Us._ “There isn’t an us, Poe,” Finn said bitterly. “You saw to that- you made sure that never happened. I was stupid to think otherwise-“

“Please stop,” tried Poe.

“ _You_ stop,” Finn growled-

“Will you just fucking listen to me, let me get more than two words in?” This outcry attracted _several_ guests now, who turned, gasping- it also apparently triggered Finn’s attendant, who returned with perfect timing.

“Sir, please calm down, this is a public event for our artists, many it is their first gallery showing,” the attendant stepped forward confidently. “If this behavior continues I will call security, sir.” Finn envied his confidence, but then, he knew he would be doing the same thing if he was detached from this, where was _Rey_ when he needed her? Granted, he didn’t want to make a scene with this, didn’t want to see Poe being escorted out like an abusive boyfriend.

However, he wasn’t making it any easier for him.

“I know what this is, kid, I was here when they were in _high school,“_ Poe spat, arm waving across the foyer motioning the other artists. “Go call security, there isn’t anything happening besides some excited bidding.” Despite the sneer, the attendant did leave, though Finn knew why and it had nothing to do with Poe’s excusing him to hassle someone else. Those fiery eyes now returned their attention to Finn, and all that blaze turned to smoke, the were soft again, meek, _sad._ “Let me talk to you, just outside, please, god dammit Finn—“

“Why? So that I can listen to how you’re ‘sorry’ Poe? You do understand you could have spoken to me a hundred times from when we last met to now, and not once did you try and tell me what was going on,” Finn bit back- “And now you want to go and tell me about your woes and why I am the guilty party in this? You want me to listen to another _lie_ and tell you that I believe you?” the artist looked away with shake of his head. “You have the biggest fucking balls I’ve ever see, coming here, to talk to me.”

“How dare you,” Poe countered, a grimace Finn had never seen before—he was full of contempt and disappointment. Hurt. “You don’t know what lies I’ve told you. You don’t know what is truth or not, even if it slapped you in your face, like I’m trying to do. I wonder why you don’t know the difference between my lies and truths-”

“Because you never _let me in_ Poe!” Finn’s chest was constricting, tight from lack of oxygen, breath shortened and his eyes stinging. “You’re going to preach to me about not knowing you and your lies? That’s unbelievable since you’re the one who never let me know them. I never got to hear your truths, because you never told me any, did you?” Poe opened his mouth, but Finn waved at him- “You never let me in, this has been the same argument going on _for months_ and you know it. I’m not afraid of what I felt for you. _You_ are.” There was a pause, the sign of their crowd taking a breath before the dive.

Poe rushed to him, dropping the glass of champagne to the floor in a flurry to reach for Finn. Finn dodged, and when he ran out of room his back was pressed tight against the wall space between paintings- Poe’s hands on his collar, tight- but there wasn’t anger, madness or even rage...

There was just this overwhelming sense of defeat, of longing, of suffering- Poe had his mouth open, to speak- but that warmth was removed quickly by other hands.

“Sir you’re going to have to calm down now,” one of the security guards had drawn Poe off easily like tape from a rough surface. His voice baritone and serious- but that never stopped a man determined like Poe.

“I’m trying to have a conversation,” Poe snarled his reply.

“With your hands? I cannot allow you to harm or harass our attendees and you clearly are-“

“Let me go-“

“He might be a bit intoxicated,” another guard, at the side of his companion, offered up, also reaching to tug Poe away from Finn.

“This cheap shit?” Poe grinned sadistically down to the shattered glass- “I’ve had cheaper shit fuck me up-” but that was what doomed Poe to having the guards drawing his arms behind his back painfully- Finn saw the scowl he gave and stricken groan that had been from show of force-- they’d throw him out like a criminal- _maybe he was one, in a way._ Finn came forward, and Poe wrestled against the grip on his arms and shoulders—

“Stop, please,” Finn pleaded with security- “I’ll leave. I need to get s-some air, l-let him stay.” Adrenaline made his hands trembled as he turned to the attendant and relayed what he’d like to do with his work, before eyeing Poe one last time. “Please, this was because of me, we shouldn’t have had this conversation here or now.” And Finn turned, hastily, almost clumsy on his fancy dress shoes. Security did release him, but kept him successfully cornered from a leaving Finn. He was mortified- teachers and students had seen this whole debate with desperate eyes— he’d be fucking _gossip_ for weeks.

Finn bumped into Rey, clutching her hands as he begged to be let go of, he just needed a walk, he lied to her, knew it wouldn’t sell her on anything, but it had her releasing his shaky hands. Luke asked where he’d gone too, and Rey looked to her father full of sorrow.

Finn never ran so fast in his life.

**

Rey on the other hand stood upon the steps of the gallery looking between her father and Finn’s disappearing figure—how he could have just left? Poe must have shown up, but she never expected the model to have that sort of reaction upon her brother; he’d been so calm and collected about it, _maybe that was a sign he wasn’t alright._ Her gut told her to follow, her father told her to let him relieve himself alone. She had finally convinced herself to return, pressing Luke forward within the foyer, when a man rushed past- breath harried and he looked-  “Finn!” he spun, once, twice, looking up and down the street, venturing to the curb to see if the youth had crossed it- when he whipped back around Rey knew what had happened. What had been said.

“You _asshole,”_ She scorned, eyes full of contempt, and Poe dropped his head, eyes hesitant in returning. “This was his night, you know. About _him_ and you actually decided to show _up.”_

“Which way did he go?” But Poe seemed indifferent to her words, so she blinked and cocked a brow high on her forehead.

“You think I would actually tell you,” she growled lowly, not even a question and Poe’s frown deepened, the worry clearly festering in his twitching brows, the way his lips pursed and parted with quivers. “That’s hilarious if it’s a joke, Poe Dameron. But I’m not telling you. How could you do this to him? On _his_ night? How could you come here and badger him? Haven’t you done enough harm to my brother?” She began to turn away, her heart angrily throbbing against her chest— she’d break his nose if she wasn’t careful.

“Wait, Rey, please,” from what she’d heard of Poe from Finn and the few times they met, she’d never known him to be a man of much emotion. Yes, he was always laughing, smiling, always cool and serious and calm, but he was never _really_ expressing himself- never really _felt._ His voice wavering now, choked and the way he pleaded had her yielding, spinning towards him. “I had come here to congratulate him in person. And… maybe if he’d chance talking to me. So I could at least… maybe set things right. I couldn’t- didn’t do that, obviously.” He opened up his pocket and drew out an envelope folded up with Finn’s name on it- he handed it to her though she didn’t take it immediately. “Will you pass this letter on in lieu of speaking with him?”

“What makes you think I will?”

“Because I’m going to leave it here on that podium regardless if you take it,” his eyes begged once more, his pursed lips asked her too.

“And if I did, what makes you think I’ll give it to him? Or for that matter, tell him a lie about what it says?” Rey folded her arms and Poe took a step forward towards her, lowering his hand a bit.

“I don’t know,” he had said it so confidently. “I don’t know if you will. I don’t know if I gave it to him, if he’d have read it, so really…” his hand fell to his side. “I know this letter by heart, I’ve written it many times, hoping it would be easier to pass on, to tell the story. I know which lines would get a reaction, which would bring tears… the only thing I don’t know is what his reaction would have been. Would this be enough to convince him of anything, that I’m not… a-” but his words died out, Rey didn’t look convinced either by them, a brow still high on her forehead, lips downturned with distaste. “I’m not as good at it as I thought I was, once. I can’t even guess what his reaction would be-” he took a breath, it sounded wheezy. “Not sure if that makes me a good judge of character or a bad one, I- I just know it would alleviate some conflictions between us.”

“Touching, really,” Rey answered and Poe shot his head up, eyes gleaming in the light. The shock and pain that flitted on his features almost had Rey retracting her comment. “The more you talk, the more I’m convinced you’re just a bad person who got a taste of a good one, and now you don’t know what’s going on with your life since he’s left it.”

“You always did know the right thing to say, really set things into their place,” though she expected his voice to be full of cocky pride and upset, it wasn’t. It was almost _jovial_ in its response, though his face reflected the depth of his statement better.

“Why didn’t you tell him, then, instead of writing a silly poem?”

“If I knew how to say it all, or that I could, don’t you think I’d have told him all of this the first time I met him?” His voice cracked and he ran a hand through his kept hair, messing it up. “I wouldn’t have let this fester into what it is- and I wouldn’t have let him fall for me.” Rey snorted at that, shaking her head.

“Typical, this is about you, after all, not how _you_ led him on,” She threw her hands up, exasperated. “No _wonder_ he left in a hurry, I’m getting frustrated with this selfish conversation.”

“I meant-” she waved at him.

“We know what you meant,” Rey countered. “You felt something more than arousal and suddenly decided to drop him like a hot potato. Everyone’s heard this story, Poe. I’m just surprised that you still think you’re the good one in all of this.” She reached for the envelope, snatching it from his hands and holding it close- eyeing it before tucking it into her purse.

Rey had escorted their father within before Poe had rushed out and ran into her- and now he returned, his hand on Rey’s shoulder was a piece of solid comfort, warmth she didn’t expect and reclined in.

“Did Finn return- Oh,” Luke blinked staring down at Poe- “Who’s this?”

“Ah, this is- uh- a friend from school Finn’s friend, Poe, you remember?”

“Oh,” Luke reached for his hand and for a moment Rey swore Poe wasn’t going to shake it. “You wouldn’t happen to know then, where Finn might have gone? He ran off so suddenly.” Parents and their inability to sense confrontations- then again, he knew Poe only to be a friend.

Poe however, did speak up, and he _did_ shake that hand. “I might know where he is.”

Rey and Luke walked to the car, leaving Poe at the steps of the Gallery. As they drove past, Rey couldn’t help but look in the mirror of the car as they sped past Poe who was now sitting at the base of the steps. She knew him to be a smoker and wondered briefly if he just hadn’t brought any out of chance he’d make out with Finn again. She saw him stand, and if she pressed her hand to her heart to feel the flutter of it as rain began to fall, she attributed that concern for _Finn_ , wandering through the rain. Not for Poe. He deserved less than a passing glance.

 _Ironic, isn’t it?_ That a night as terrible as this could be accented so artistically by the mood of the weather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ARE WE ALL CRYING?! *hands out tissues and alcohol*
> 
> Crunch time, can't get worse than rock bottom right? We're gonna have a little short chapter for 19, mostly to say "hey some time passed and here have Dickhead!Poe again for a moment" and then we'll be onto the /really/ hard-hitting stuff.
> 
> Yeah you thought this story was hard before, y'all really gon' need those tissues for Chp. 20.


	19. Chapter 19: Don't Forget to Write

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Art attracts us only by what it reveals of our most secret self." -Alfred North Whitehead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought you guys deserved to be informed (if you didn't already see) that I've added both 19 and 20 up for you, for a nice seamless read, as it's pretty sill to read one and then wait, especially when we get to learn about Poe?
> 
> Enjoy my loves.

The last of their things moved out of the small dorm room and back into their house for the summer, Finn found himself at school regardless of the inconvenience that first week or so of the summer intersession. Though the campus was mostly devoid of people and students alike, Finn was wrapping up a few things with his teachers and collecting some of his work that Leia had scurried off with from the Art Show.

When Rey and Luke had discovered Finn tucked in the Starbucks some mile or two away from the gallery that night, the one and the same that Poe and him had travelled to the night of their adventure together, they were able to convince Finn to return to the gallery. When the three of them returned that night, Finn was utterly relieved that Poe had vanished. The _most_ relieved, anyway. Rey though, seemed to search for him, and when Finn questioned her, she denied it. Explained she just wanted to land a few good punches into his pretty jaw. She jested, taking her fist and throwing it into her open palm attempting to be threatening, but it didn't sell Finn. Perhaps if Poe had been there when he arrived it might have seemed more potent. However, he knew her well enough that she had her secrets, and in time, she always revealed them; this one would come out eventually, though what it had to do with Poe made him more agitated for it remaining a secret and kept hidden.

And it was only several days _afterwards_ that she handed Finn a crumpled envelope with his name on it, saying that she held onto it not sure if giving it to him was right or wrong. She decided it should be _his choice_ to open it or not.

He hadn’t opened it. At least not right then. He carried it in a bag with him, and he kept it on his person wherever he went, no matter _where_ he was going—just in case the urge compelled him.

Returning to school to finish up some minor things had reminded him of the letter upon him, his hand touched his bag with fondness, a tightness swelling in his chest. His eyes lingered in the studio he had first met Poe, though there was just an insignificant flutter of emotion. The memories now were no more bitter than say, a finely roasted coffee; they were unique and memorable, but there would be nothing more than that to compel Finn to berate himself. His feet guided him away.

As he left the art building, a huge carry-portfolio in his grasp, he heard the telltale signs of one of many campus quickies—it seemed his ears were ever alert for those noises, for the onlookers that might have stumbled upon him, for once, that had been _him_ pining against the heavy plaster and steel walls of classroom buildings. His eyes settled to the couple, though they were hardly obvious about it and continued on with a groan, and a headache beginning to pound behind his eyes. Despite the annoyance, envy followed him, perched upon his shoulder, _that could have been you_ it would chant. _Disgust_ on the other hand told him he should be _glad to be rid of such a vile personality._ He wasn’t quite sure which to believe.

Or if he should just believe that he had awful luck stumbling upon young eager couples.

His feet carried him around the corner, heading towards the administrative building to drop off some paperwork, texting a friend about his plans for summer when he heard the unmistakeable moans of- _no._ Dark eyes flickered about his surroundings, and there, tucked in a nook between a building and some trees was none other than the nightmare of his dreams. Poe. _And_ with another student. He almost wanted to watch, _just to see_ what would happen.

Yet, something very different happened. The man propositioning Poe was _shoved_ back. Curious, Finn stalked in closer- “What, it’s too good for you now that you're done?” The man sneered and Poe threw his arms up at him.

“You had something important to tell me, a fuck in the woods isn’t important, I’ve got business to tend to, fuck off,” had been the snotty reply. That could _not_ have been Poe, he wouldn’t have turned down a fuck. Right?

"You're such a bore now, Dameron, did some sweet ass finally suck your cock the way you like?" The student jibed but Poe was many things; and he was not a shit-taker. The glare he gave the student must have been intimidating enough to send the man packing. Poe was always one for the dramatic, however.

"Last I checked, you weren't such a prideful bastard, had a chance with me, think you're hot shit, don'cha? Cute, but fuck off, prick, I only fuck men." The student snarled in reply but Poe had already begun to leave. As the student left, Finn knew without a doubt now, as Poe approached the concrete walkway that it was _definitely_ Poe, no mistaking that swagger or attitude. Dark curls were ruffled by a hand coursing through them, hooded eyes glared at the concrete ground, fingers running over his mouth in a nervous tick. _It is Poe,_ Finn thought as he crept from his inconspicuous hiding place, heading towards the model. Poe would have walked right past Finn had he not said ‘hello’ to Poe, catching those amber eyes.

And god, seeing those wide autumn-colored eyes blink in disbelief had his stomach flipping, had his heart fluttering again. _Just looking at him gets me like this? I don't deserve this sort of harassment,_ Finn thought as Poe jogged towards him to close the distance. Finn had half a mind to open his arms, to catch the model in a hug, to pretend all that had happened was just a bad dream. Was just pretend.

He reminded himself that Poe had done nothing to cheer him up, so his hands and arms remained stiff at his side. There was confusion, but relief when Poe stood before Finn, his mouth open as if to speak, gaping like a fish.

“F… Finn!” is what he chose to say, quiet and soft, and not because he’d _lost_ that voice making out or giving head either- it was the gentle way he spoke to Finn when they had shared a bed, the tenderness that never left Finn’s mind. “I… I didn’t think I’d see you after…”

“I hadn’t made arrangements to, no,” Finn snorted, lips pursed together eyeing the way Poe bowed his head in shame. “Tired of outdoor quickies?”

“Ah-“ Poe eyed the direction the student had hurried off to shrugging. “That happens. I’m trying something a little… different I suppose. A new leaf maybe?”

“Why bother at this point,” tutted Finn, shaking his head in mild disbelief. Truly, a man _changing_ his ways after all the bullshit, and for what? When Finn raised his eyes they met Poe’s which trembled with a frail gaze. He lamented he couldn’t read or understand the model better. The frailty of his expression vanished soon after as he shrugged then, put on a smile.

“Just said trying, didn’t say it was happening,” Poe finally managed his usual tone.

“What are you doing still on campus?” Finn changed the subject.

“Getting prepped for the next quarter, mostly, helping some of the teachers out,” Finn nodded idly listening, he wondered what the other student had meant by _too good for you now that you’re done,_ but if Poe wasn’t going to explain, or mention it, Finn wouldn’t bother to bring it up. “You uh. Just by chance um… I. I gave Rey something.” Finn blinked, forcing Poe to continue. “A letter. I meant to give it to you instead, but… things went south, and I was wondering if you got it from her-”

“I do have it,”

“O-Oh,” Poe blinked clearly surprised. “A-And?” Poe seemed to deliberate his next words, his move, eyeing Finn, questioningly.

“‘And’?” Finn echoed- “And what? I haven’t read it yet.”

“I see,” Poe bit his lip, rocking on his heels, his eyes trailing away unsure of what to say next. Poe always had a quip, always had _something_ to say and to see him speechless…

It was disconcerting for Finn. Not enough to care, mind you. “Um, will you? Read it, I mean. Sometime?”

“Haven’t decided yet,” Finn wished Poe would just talk to him- this petty high school dancing around was starting to irritate him. _Why don’t you just talk to me you fool?_

He wondered why then, he didn’t blurt it out for Poe to answer, like he _always_ used to do. “Besides, I have a busy summer, that gallery wants to keep some of my stuff, and two other people want commissions for some prints for their… tarot cards or something- I haven’t really seen to them yet.”

“Busy bee, then,” Poe said dejected. He still hadn’t raised his eyes.

“Try to follow good examples when I see them,” he offered- “But I gotta go.” That caught Poe’s attention. His head snapped back around and he opened his mouth and Finn waited.

Yet it closed and Finn just shook his head. “You got my number, at least, I haven’t changed it. Or blocked you. We’re adults, we can move on.” He pressed, hoping for a reaction…

_Anything._

“See ya then,” Nothing. So Finn left. He turned over his shoulders a few times, but Poe kept walking too. The tightness in his chest hadn’t vanished as he turned in his and Rey’s submissions for a dorm on campus for Fall quarter, and it stayed even as he returned to his home. He picked up some lunch before coming home, Rey helping to unload lunch as he hauled in his works in his carry-portfolio, allowing his father to ponder over which would be hung where, asking them both where they should be placed.

When Finn finished lunch, he popped into his bedroom and slipped off his shoes, tossed his bag to the bed, eyed the drawing supplies Poe had gifted him during Christmas that were sprawled on his desk. Oh he used them, never let a gift go to waste, he thought, _even if it reminds me of him._ He remembered the day too, something as silly as just _shopping_ had meant all the world to Finn.

_What did it mean to him?_

A week later Finn and Rey received a message inviting them to the seniors graduation ceremony in two weeks, following the Grad students who got their own private little one. Rey tutted the grad students were all brats back to their friend, who had completely agreed, but Finn knew the jibe was regarding Poe. They agreed to go if they could find spots to sit, otherwise, they’d go out for drinks afterwards.

During those lazy days of summer, Finn spent most of his time working at the little hole in the wall job of his, an assistant to an entrepreneur boss who was doing jewelry. Granted he did _actual_ work with jewelry too, but he was _mostly_ the admin assistant- but on one of those particularly lazy days he decided to read Poe’s letter. After all, his boss had let him off early, and as he trudged home after stopping for an iced coffee, he thought he should read it. _It’s been long enough,_ he thought remorsely.

In his room he sat, curled on his chair, holding the envelope between his hands, reading his name over and over as if it held some secret meaning. It was with shaky fingers he opened the letter, that his hands drew out the two pages (front and back) of Poe’s letter. “Well shit, can’t even summarize it.” He eyed both sides with a groan before he started to read;

       

_Dearest Finn (can I say that?)_

_When you read this, it will be after the art show. Make no mistake, I wish I could actually say all of what’s in this letter to you there, but I have a feeling somehow, I’ll choke and turn the conversation sour with my presence alone. Instead? I’ve written this in hopes… well. I’m not really sure what my hopes are right now. I’m hoping you’re reading this. I hope it reaches you. I know I would never have to reach far to have your attention, and that all I ever need to do is text or call, to tell you all my shit (it’s a lot of shit too, by the way)._

_But I guess, I’ll start at the beginning and we can see what you choose to do, because this time, I will stand by your choice, no matter what it is._

_The beginning. Right. Fresh start, alright?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I warned you, filler-y. I didn't want to do a leap, and I didn't want Finn to read Poe's letter right after the art show, seeing him, hearing /about/ him is still pretty fresh and painful, so he chose to ignore it. We can see a bit of change in Poe, no?
> 
> He stopped smoking a while back. Now Finn has caught him denying a quickie, what'll happen next? *gasp* nothing surprising, for sure.
> 
> I'll say it now, Chp 17 and 19 are probably the weakest messy and ugliest chapters I've written, I don't like them. So, bear with that, and just take away what it's /supposed/ to represent, a segway from one point in time to another. I know it's crappy XD I am aware of this. I got bored, writing in extra filler-stuff didn't seem right.


	20. Chapter 20: A Work in Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique. All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story; to vomit the anguish up.” -James Baldwin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is in Poe's perspective!
> 
> So, its a bit hard to read (maybe, I don't think so and neither did my editor, but you know). Poe is recalling the events that lead him to the situation he's dealing with Finn right now, there are a few large breaks between the story that separate Poe talking of the past, and Poe reminiscing in the present, so, if it's too confusing (I can always rewrite it) I'd like to know, so you guys can get what Poe is experiencing!
> 
> Enjoy!

What had life been like _way_ back then? Had he been so different when he first entered college? Was he that different than when he returned for grad school? When he had his first bad final? Were his choices as outrageous as they seemed now, had another person had taken charge of his very hands and mind, like a puppeteer? If asked, could he recall what sort of man he had been then, and what sort of man he was now? Would they have been friends?

Would he have _gotten_ ** _along_** with himself?

 

Right out of High School, Poe Dameron knew what he wanted to do; art. Whatever they would give him. If he had to spend his nights making prints for a gallery, he would be up all night learning how to press them, make his own paper, stamps, woodblock prints… He would _find_ a way.

When he took his first steps into college, oh his heart had fluttered and he immediately wanted to graduate as the best student he could be—as the best _artist_ and _person_ he could be. He was accepted into the first college he wanted to apply for, found the art exhilarating, even his general ed classes buzzed with new ideas and concepts…

And so had a particular man he met his first year at Junior College. He’d been kind, with light brown hair, big green eyes, a smile to die for. He already had a degree himself, but found he didn’t much enjoy being a _drug technician_ for the rest of his life. He didn’t want to stand behind a counter to help the sick, had spent half his life doing the menial day-in and day-out of work, and then eating, and sleeping. The job was decent enough, the man would admit, he had to know what drugs did what to whom and how, he gave advice at the hospital he worked at…

But his life had called for more. Ferron told him… _it called for you, Poe Dameron._

Coincidentally, this green-eyed beauty _also_ applied to the same college Poe had. That green-eyed man, smitten with Poe asked him for more; friendship was all well and good, but it called for greatness, _it calls for Love, Poe Dameron._ And Poe would have him. They would go to school for art, as lovers, attend as lovers, _graduate_ as lovers… _I sound so fucking naive in this,_ Poe would have said, if this was face-to-face, I would have known this was _so fucking childish and stupid of me._

Ferron was his name. And Ferron was eventually introduced to Poe’s family, each member adored him, loved that he took care of Poe like one of the family, that he doted upon this beauty of a person, stocked-full of talent and love and bright eyes. The family had been delighted Poe had found someone to call his own. _I’d been so fucking happy._ It wasn’t even a strange suggestion then, that after their first year together, they find an apartment together, began to finance it off of the money they made at their retail jobs.

Perhaps, it was just the way time distorted his memory, it seemed like all the signs of a terrible mishap were laid out before Poe as he sat at his desk, recently cleaned off in order to write this letter. All the signs were there, he thought, _I was just too blind to see, right Finn? Just like you._

That first year at a State College, Poe found his life falling into the puzzle pieces he had planned- in new ways, but falling into place nonetheless. He had his art, which now hung and lined the walls of the art department, his teachers adored him and coached him, he had a boyfriend who lavished attention only upon him…

Until it seemed to go awry.

_It always does, doesn’t it?_

Ferron had dropped out of College, and very rarely did anything else but head to work and spend time with Poe. Poe didn’t mind- college wasn’t for everyone, school sometimes interfered with one’s real ideals, but his lover seemed dismal that _his_ Poe was away- that his time was torn between school and him.

Poe was encouraged to drop out too.

And eventually, Poe heard reasoning behind his boyfriend. _Why go to school when I’m already this talented?_ He had his job at the local art store, together they found a small apartment closer to their work, they could afford it, had enough to spare, to still spend time on fun things and the realities of the world and all was well—though Poe yearned for school and the challenges and knowledge it offered. But, _no matter_ , his art and his lover would have his full attention now, and that was all he needed in life; passion and love. Creativity and heart.

Poe’s father, Kes, however, had been livid he had dropped out of College. I’m paying for that, his father had roared over the phone, “If you return, Poe Dameron, by Hell or high water you will be paying for it with your own finances!”

Needless to say the conversation and relationship between father and son had ended quicker than Poe liked. Back then though, it was a rebellious victory, _Poe_ was right, and he was stretching his wings. He couldn’t help, though, the guilty feelings nagging at his very instincts. Assured and comforted he had done no wrong from Ferron, Poe had been certain he was heading forward with the right decisions. After all, his work was hosted in a few of the galleries around the city, he already had a few customers asking for designs and commissions, why worry and fret about not having a college degree?

“A thing of the past, that diploma is worthless,” sweet words whispered by the love of his life. “You’re doing so well, what use is it to bang your head against the wall over the antics and whims of an old man?”

Eventually one young bird must leave the coup and learn to fly. And Poe had _soared_ into the sky like a rocket guided by his love and his art.

 

 _Good god, there aren’t happy fucking endings are there? This is just where the movie ends,_ Poe tangled his hands through his hair, feeling its collective grease forced him to pause writing and shower. Of course, this meant his cat was the only one to ogle him as he cleaned- “Pleased, aren’t you?” The cat quirked, a meow resonated in the bathroom. “You’re fed, you’re warm, you have toys and catnip and a human who rubs that sweet spot.” The cat began to knead the towel on the toilet seat happily, chirping to Poe. “I had that too, with Finn.” Like the cat understood.

Yet, he was the only one there _now_ that would speak to him.

He supposed he could have phoned his sister. Or his dad. They weren’t _unaware_ of his love-life. Or of Finn, for that matter. BB-8 chirped and tried to climb into the bathroom with him during his shower- “Oi, I don’t want you to _comfort me_ in here, wet fur. Gotta get you to shave then, babe.” He teased, the cat seeming to hum a response. _A cat that likes to get wet and take baths._ Poe stopped the water after he finished drying himself and BB-8 off before settling into the kitchen for food.

Odd things churned in his stomach when he’d see eggs, he’d think of that time Finn came over… that breathless treat of arousal and pleasure and- _Enough._ He shut the fridge door with zeal, shaking some of the bottles atop, sighing as he took an apple instead. His eyes settled over his desk as he sat himself back down- “What sad little part of my life we’re we on? Oh yes, the drama.”

 

Poe and the love of his life had happily seen to supporting themselves, but to be honest, Poe found himself most rewarded with _selling_ his art. Not the paycheck that followed, but that someone decided _Poe_ was what they needed. That his design was what would sell their product, pronounce their advertisement.

For that, his heart hammered in excitement, _every_ time he answered an email or phone call regarding his work. He’d brag to his friends, who, envious of him, were slowly becoming vacant from his life- busy as they were with college. Ferron was becoming the only person constantly around Poe. And for a while, his boyfriend ignored this part of Poe’s life, the excitement, the thrill, there’d be sassy comments about art being for losers or people without real lives something Poe had just associated with jibes and teases. _Something utterly Ferron,_ he recalled.

Until, one day, Poe began to believe them. The jibes became more cruel, they tore at the very fabric that held Poe’s creativity and imagination together. It wasn’t that money was an issue, wasn’t that he had bountiful amounts of work required of him, it was the _possibility_ that this sort of work was unreliable. That, eventually, Freelance work would just be something to pass time. Poe would need something stable to support them.

And Ferron told Poe how it was; _Poe_ was unreliable. Poe’s ability to question what was right and wrong became blurred, and for the first time, he reached out to his family. They accused Ferron of trying to change him, change the great man he was, but Poe wouldn’t have that. This was all just a ploy to return him home to a life of repetition and following in someone else’s shoes.

No.

Yet Poe believed his father’s talk to be all that was ridiculous; after all, he knew exactly who he was, all his life, and Ferron wasn’t changing it!

So he began to take some side administrative classes, boost his chances of getting into a fancy building in a suit, toting around a nice leather briefcase with fancy expensive gadgets for work. Oh, he had it all planned. He kept a sketchbook with him, doodled when he was in-between classes, and the world didn’t seem to fall to pieces as his father had warned him. _How could he know? He’s been living the same life for 35 years!_

However as the next couple of years rolled by, Poe took on more work, his boyfriend less, Poe found his stability to begin… _slipping._ His art was his only release and even that brought scorn and heated debates. It felt like the people around Poe were all against him except for his boyfriend, whom sheltered him with kind and gentle wings.  _Think I needed glasses back then, shit, blind as fuck. And stupid,_ Poe thought bitterly.

That was until he found his boyfriend one day at their apartment with friends over, playing video games. It was a common enough scene, but one of them asked about the paintings in the room- the boyfriend sneered, said they were Poe’s alright, with that dainty touch. _That fantasy-crap_ , Ferron had demeaned. One of the friends rose, and smudged it- by accident or purpose, Poe hadn’t ever discovered, but he asked that he stop.

His boyfriend told him to _ah, he’s being a drama queen, just fuck it up._

Poe wasn’t sure if watching them burn it would have made the transition easier- fire rejuvenates after all. Ferron and his friends left soon after, not _asking_ for the youth to join them, leaving him alone with the ruined canvas. It hadn’t even been anything offensive- a few stray cats had been the painting, sitting by trashcans. There were fingerprints, smudges in the paint, the canvas itself was warped from hands trying to puncture holes through it.

Then it became clear what Poe’s art _meant_ to Ferron; something stupid. Something for brats and losers, for… well. He never quite convinced himself painting was for _fags,_ after all, Ferron bragged _outright_ that Poe was the best fuck, hands down. That though, didn’t seem as much of a compliment as it once did, the ring of it not quite as bright.

Poe began to shelter his work, hiding it wherever he could as the months waned on. Where best to hide it? With his father, who had long hated Ferron as the years past, and Ferron _hated_ Poe’s family in return; he’d never suspect they were hiding there. His father and sisters would venture over for a ‘visit’ and tuck away his art, unsuspected, by Ferron, whom would arrive and badger them to leave.

It was no sooner that Ferron threw _out_ every tool, every brush, paint can, smudge stick and eraser that Poe had stashed in the apartment, banned him from doing commissions, limited his time on _everything._ That was about all Poe could take.

Until a contact from school reached out and asked him to participate in an art show- with permission from Ferron, Poe was able to work on art. That Poe had to actually _create_ more work had gone unmentioned initially.

And then last straw was placed- it was a huge series that he had been working on about space and space travel had been in the spare room. Drying. Poe had not done better work and it thrilled him to finally create once more with his hands, to paint, to draw, _god, I was a fucking idiot. To not see this happening all in slow-motion._

Ferron returned home late that night, intoxicated from an extravagant night with his friends. Poe had not expected him. Had not expected the man to return at all, as was his usual alibi of _drinking with my friends._ Ferron saw what Poe was doing and lashed out in a drunken haze.

“I tol’ya ar’was banned he’a Poe!” His eyes trailed over Poe wearing his painting apron- the material he had managed to stow away with his family there- new ones too. “Ya been lyin’ t’me ‘bout that show.” And Poe denied it- though he was as guilty as Ferron had said. Ferron ripped the apron from Poe’s neck, throwing it the ground- “Why ya gotta do shi’ I don’ like?” His voice slurred against his ear and Poe finally broke under the immense pressure.

“ _I_ like it, it’s just for a show, nothing more!” Poe had turned around defiantly and went back to painting- “You don’t need to watch, you drunk fuck!”  Those could have been the worst or best words he’d ever muttered in his life, for Ferron walked out of the room, stumbling against the walls. Poe thought he’d won. Triumph settled on him, confidence piping hot.

Ferron returned with a short knife he carried with him, a pocket knife and slashed the first painting in his reach. Poe struggled to stop him, but Ferron was clear he didn’t want to hurt Poe. _Physically_ _at least._ Each work, everything that Poe had stored in that room became shredded- posters, a chair was thrown angrily to the ground and broken. And when the room smelled of paint lacquer and sweat, Poe collapsed to the floor, he couldn’t even find the will to _cry_ helplessly there. Ferron repeated that Poe was an average artist, that he was better off doing something more successful, Poe wouldn’t ever go anywhere for his art, and it wouldn’t make Poe a better man.

“I am a good man-“ He rebuked, tears threatening to pool over-

“You’re a waste of one, you're not even a _man,_ ” had been the snap back. He knocked one of the drawings over, stepped right through the canvas and Poe tried to stop him, but who was he kidding? A squirt like him, a nerd, an artist, fighting against a man who had been controlling him since they had first met.

When Ferron finally collapsed somewhere between the bedroom and bathroom, Poe packed what he could carry to his car in a single trip. As he ventured back, Ferron wrapped him in a hug- “I know you’re not a great man, Poe, you were just a tawny thing when we met. But I’ll always be here for you.” Poe walked Ferron back to bed, let him collapse, watched him pass out.

“You’ll never be here for me,” and like that Poe left.

He drove. He just got into his car with his miniscule things and drove away, not realizing where his wheels or gas pedal would steer him. _Not very far,_ as the car died quite a few miles in, out of gas, the dial said. Poe wondered if it had been true, but luck seemed on his side. The college he dropped out of was just a few blocks up. That’s where Poe found himself, two bags in his arms, a third slung over his shoulder, staring at the art building he had treasured as a place of brilliance and excitement.

It was a school night, he vaguely recalled, and moved towards it, feeling shame well in his heart. He moved into the empty art building, only two classes he noticed being conducted and sat on one of the benches that was carved from the wall. There his things pooled around him for comfort, and he felt his heart finally give out. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting there alone, in the dim light of the halogens in the hallway, but long enough to be noticed.

A professor came striding towards him, and he readied an excuse, anything, _my car’s dead, my phone’s dead, I’m dead, please just- don’t kick me out._ It had been the first time he met _her._ Leia Organa. He recalled her face the moment she rounded the corner and approached him. She was one of the teachers that _other teachers_ looked to for critique, for suggestions. He wasn’t sure what her field of expertise was or exactly if she was a teacher or something more important he just _recognized_ her.

“Poe?” His name sounded so soft, so full of worry. “Are you Poe Dameron, by chance?” He could barely nod his head yes. “What are you doing here? It’s saturday night, shouldn’t you be at home?” Oh so apparently it _wasn’t_ a school night. _Fuck, busted, right?_ He wanted to answer he didn’t have a home right at the moment, but the tears finally peeked through, slipped down red cheeks and she sat him down, wrapped an arm over his shoulder. “You know who I am, right? I’m Leia Organa, or recently, Leia Solo. You were the student that a colleague of mine called, to participate in the art show, weren’t you?” He nodded again and her smile radiated warmth. “You attended here, didn’t you?”

“I dropped out,” his voice was meek and raspy when he finally could speak. The last few years flashed in front of his eyes and he tried to choke down the memories with bile. “I think I’ve done something terrible with my life…”

“Tell me what’s wrong?”

He’d never poured his heart out like that to anyone except his father, twice in his life. Once when his mother had passed, and again when he fell in love. _How pathetic do I look? Christ, I was like 90 pounds of dweeb._

Poe explained everything, trying to spare this wonderful person the details, but she asked if he wanted to be her assistant in class. For drawing. She could hire him as an assistant, to see if he could handle the task… and if he could, perhaps he could return to school. “I don’t think I’m good enough for that.”

“ ‘Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain artist when we grow up’,” She smiled-

“P-Picasso right?” Poe snorted- “He’s got a weird style. I like it.” She took him home that night, to his father, who Poe swore would chastise him into running away again.

All Kes did was hug him like he’d thought he lost him.

Poe began, once more, to feel safe.

Being an assistant to Leia, his feet began to find purchase soon after- though he didn’t risk attending school while recovering from his _ex-boyfriend._ His remaining belongings had been thrashed and tossed to the curb. But they were _something_ and his father welcomed him home with nothing but love and glee; after all, a dad’s only mission in life was to make sure his children were happy and safe.

When Poe felt ready, he applied for College _once more_ for his BFA. And when he finished he felt somehow accomplished again and worked both at the art store and at the college as a teaching assistant. It was when he met his _second_ boyfriend, he froze before the spinning world. _No._

No, he had told the man. The man had at first, seemed confused after several long months of running around with Poe, but the artist had told him _no more._ Poe felt his art quiver under his affections, found that it began to dampen and eventually cease (and that was bad considering he had picked up commissions once more). He broke off the relationship.

Ended it violently, emotionally. _My first broken heart._

An older student who had seen Poe around often enough asked Poe to follow him. Into the grad student lounge, Poe followed and was kissed- hard, rough, but somehow _arousing_ despite the utter stranger kissing him. “I can’t date you.”

“We don’t need too,”

“I-I’m not a wh-whore,” Poe had argued, but his body yearned for release, yearned to hold so that it could carry on.

“You aren’t one,” the older student smiled. “You aren’t one at all. That shouldn’t stop you from letting it out with someone safe.”

He remembered how safe he had felt with his ex too… yet he never said no. Never _didn’t_ want those hands on his chest and hips. He wanted that mouth on his skin, on his dick, wanted to taste the man too. It was odd, that he never had sex with that man again, though they _did_ keep in contact. Eventually, Poe was told that another young art student might be interested in letting out a bit of steam with him- just like they had…

 

Ah, how reputations start, Poe reclined into his chair, rubbing his eyes with a groan, _they’re never classy like in the stories._

 

Poe then found he could keep a string of people he enjoyed the company of- tell them his rules and not have to live without his art. Not have to divide his heart and mind for one person or his art. Oh and he yearned for more, but more was dangerous. _When I’m older, I’ll stop and settle. When I have all I want._ Years rolled by and at 34 he decided _more_ was needed, he returned to college as a student again, as a graduate student. For an MFA. He would be ready. He could be enough, he _was_ enough. Not a dim day in his eyes.

There was never any room for a relationship he’d decided. _Not until I was worth more than my weight in gold._

Though his father chastised him for his _stupidity,_ he called it ingenious. Affection without the attachment.

 

It was Poe’s phone buzzing loudly on the desk that he stopped his letter and answered. His father called to confirm some family dates, check in to see how he was—“No I can’t have dinner that night—yeah, no. Oh, haha, no not at all.”

 _“What do you have planned that you’re missing out on your sister’s house-warming party?”_ It was a light tease- they all knew that Poe loved his family, that his sister had been a friend to him through his struggles, but that he could not _stand_ domesticity.

“I-“ his eyes glanced to the calendar in his kitchen. “I’m uh- going to an art show, that uh- big one in spring.”

 _You mean, Finn’s going to be there?”_ After the death of his mother in his early teens, Kes had stepped up his game, acted as both mother and father. Which put him at odds, sometimes, with Poe, who hated the _contradictions_ his dad would sometimes spin. _Mother_ loved to tease Poe when he was young about his crushes. Kes now took on that mantle. Poe, groaned, sneering at no one in response. _“When do we meet him, son?”_

“Never, if I can make it so,” though he had teased, a part of him had been serious and if his father knew that, he respectfully said nothing. _Yet._ When the call ended, Poe returned to the letter and stared at it for a few more minutes before picking it back up.

        _I guess that’s all there ever was to say, that, the reason I slept around was to keep the distance between me and someone else so far apart I’d never have to choose between a person or my art ever again. Or maybe to choose between my happiness and their happiness. In a way, what scared me away from you, was you. Just_ ** _you_** _._

_You were… more than a distraction. More than I could handle. Maybe more than I_ ** _can_** _handle. Maybe those aren’t the right words, maybe I should try and say this to you in person sometime, to see it really hit home._

_I pushed you away because you could have easily become more important than my art ever was, and I’m terrified of losing myself again._

He stared down to that last line, scratching it out quickly and hurriedly, not wanting to rewrite _everything_ over. One could still _make out_ what the sentence _said,_ but… maybe a guilty part of Poe wanted Finn to know his feelings, for real this time. Instead, he finished;

        _I’m a coward Finn, that doesn’t deserve all that you would have given me. And I know it to be a lot._

_I… should have told you sooner, but I’m graduating. I’m manning the courage up now to tell you when I see you at the art gallery, but I probably will chicken out of that too. It’s two weeks after the show, June the 17_ _th_ _. I… I would invite you but I don’t know if you’ll come. They also only made us invite family. I…_

_I don’t know if you’ll come. Or if I’ll see you again but, maybe._

_Maybe when I’m a different man. I seem to change every 15 years a so._

        _Yours truly,_

_The Hot Model from Advanced Drawing 12B,_

_Poe._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't feel so bad for the fucker now, do you? DO YOU?! He's just a sad tortured soul who couldn't find the will or desire to move on, then he meets Finn and all that built to keep people out was torn down, because Finn wanted to see the other side.
> 
> Have a really depressing day now, filled with tears and snot. Cry, motherfuckers, cry.
> 
>  
> 
> ( I really don't mean you are motherfuckers, I love you all! D: )


	21. Chapter 21: Please Don't Let Me Drown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Art is our memory of love. The most an artist can do through their work is say, let me show you what I have seen, what I have loved, and perhaps you will see it and love it too." -Annie Bevan

His hands felt _weird._ Like he wasn’t in control of them, and neither did he _want_ to have control. They shook as they reached for his phone, wedged in his pocket with urgency- _June 17_ _th_ _-_ he knew _the fucking year_ but what he didn’t know was the time. _When_ was this graduation?! _Where!?_ His heart panged guiltily- that’s what that guy from last week had meant about Poe _being done._ _Done with fucking school!_

Finn re-read the letter over and over but there was no sign of a time when the graduation was held. His chest tightened with panic and fear— _ He’s just gonna slip out of my life again. I know it. _

Poe had been a slippery man to begin with.

And after all he wrote, after all the man had been through, Finn thought,  _ I need to at least hear him out. I want to hear him tell me that I was more than… more than his best fuck. _ He rushed to Rey who was in the kitchen drinking a coke when he burst in- “R-Rey! Rey! Did Poe ever tell you the time? I mean- like a date and time-“

“What? Wait, a time? No,” she shook her head and eyed the letter in Finn’s hands- “What’s going on?”

“He’s-“ but he rushed back to his room for his phone- Aunt Leia would know- she’d know  _ everything. _ She  _ answered. _ “Auntie! It’s Finn! Areyouatschool? Ineedtottalktoyou-“

_"_ _Slow down, Finn,”_ her voice filled with mirth.  _ “What is it you need?” _

“Poe, he’s graduating today, do you know when it is? I-“ his voice choked-

_“I’ll swing by and pick you up? Just be ready, preferably in a dress shirt, at least,”_ she chided like he had completely forgotten he was attending the graduation- had she known this would be the outcome? When she had mentioned Poe had a hard time with his school, he never thought _she_ was his inspiration to return. Though, he could see it, they both were strong people with soft hearts, a strict teaching ideal but encouraging. Finn shoved the letter back into his bag, and rooted through his clothes, drawing out a nice button up, hastily adjusting a tie when the doorbell rang. Finn rushed to it, nearly tackling Rey against the door to answer it- Leia seemed to gawk at him before her smile softened. They hurried to her car and that’s when she spoke, “They are graduating today, at 2, in an hour and a half. It’s across town, Finn.”

“I… I need to go, it was invite only wasn’t it?” Why was she taking him? He read it- invite only- did she have one? Did she  _ ask- _ he had too many thoughts swirling endlessly. She told him to take a breath, a soft hand upon his shoulder had him sink against the passenger seat. His cheeks hurt from the fervent temperature, he felt sweat already beading upon his brow- “I need to see him, I-I have to talk to him.”

“That’s where we’re going, sweetheart,” she skipped off the main streets and popped onto the freeway. She paid the bridge toll to get across the bay and into another city. It had taken them nearly 45 minutes with minor delays, parking with quite a few other people who were still arriving. When they came to the entrance of the gaudy 18th century building, the attendants at the door asked for her invite, claiming Finn as her guest and allowed her in. Leia kissed his forehead and insisted he find a seat,  _ she _ was required to sit with other teachers closer to the front. Finn shuffled in with other families, finding an empty seat towards the back, thrumming with anticipation. The graduating students had yet to enter into the hall, but he suspected they would soon appear. In that time, Finn rubbed his hands nearly raw against his jeans.

The commencement was long, undulating between cheers and silence. When they finally began to call names, Finn kept his ears open before-  _ Poe Dameron, graduating egregia cum laude, Masters of Fine Arts, Majored in Classical Arts and Illustration _ \- there had been cheers- a group stood, shouted, yelled- he waved for them to sit down, but Poe bounded upwards towards the stage, taking his several photos with a bright smile…

 So Finn stood up too- maybe- just _maybe_ Poe would see him if his eyes lifted.

By the grace of the gods or something divine, his eyes lifted from his family who had begun to sit, his eyes focused upon Finn and it seemed like the room suddenly went empty- as if the hall was reserved for the two of them. Poe ducked his head, and even from here, Finn knew the model was blushing- he was rewarded with a smile, a gesture to retake his seat. Finn sat on the edge, and Poe tapped his wrist,  _ in time,  _ Finn thought.

And as soon as the hats were thrown, as soon as the graduates began to file out of their seats, Poe made for Finn.  Poe along the way had been stopped, hassled and spoken to and Finn exited the building- he’d come looking. He saw him, had told him… There was a part of him that feared Poe would let him keep walking- it seized him—

“Finn!” Poe shouted from behind and Finn whipped around to the man looking about as a few people milled at the entrance. “Finn.” Poe rushed to him, and jumped at him- if Finn found his feet propelling him forward to collide with the man, he couldn’t recall. Their arms wrapped around shoulders and backs, faces tucked against necks, Finn avoiding the pointed corners of his hat- “Fuck.” He whimpered against his neck. Finn clung to Poe’s gown, exhaling shakily against his shoulder, and Poe tightened the embrace, moaned softly at the squeeze. God it felt good. To hold Poe again, to feel him breathe, to inhale his woodsy scent, Finn had always been enamored, intoxicated with the man. Time apart had only made it more apparent. “N-never thought I’d be so fucking happy to see your fine fucking ass again!” There had been the briefest of kisses against Finn’s jaw, the pant of breath had Finn wanting to curl up against Poe and do nothing but cuddle and embrace.

“P-Perhaps that  _ isn’t _ the best way to call me out?” Though Finn knew the man meant nothing by it, Poe immediately pulled away, his hands on Finn’s cheeks- like he wanted a deeper kiss and stopped himself short.

“That…” he took a step back, cleared his throat. “I shouldn’t have- I open my fucking mouth and-“ he rubbed at his eyes, then his face, nails trying to dig at his skin. “I…” but then his eyes fell to Finn’s hands which were rummaging through his bag and drew out his letter. Poe promised himself he wouldn’t cry. Because he was happy, and if you were happy you didn’t cry—“F-Finn.”

“I read it,” Finn eyed Poe then his eyes fell to the letter. “I read it today, that’s how I got here… I…” his feet rocked him to and fro, Poe’s autumn-leaf colored eyes flickering between his own. “Why didn’t you tell me  _ any _ of this?” He put the letter back. “I might not have understood it all or been able to relate… but…” he didn’t want to think he was as bad as Poe’s ex had been, he wasn’t like that, right? “We could have-“

“Poe! There you are-“

“Fuck  _ me,” _ Poe growled out eyeing Finn before he was swarmed by family members and Finn was easily pushed aside. Not  _ actually _ shoved aside, but he didn’t belong here. He took a step back and then another until he was turned around. He saw the smiling family, and he wasn’t a part of that. Whatever Poe had meant by his letter, whatever hurt he wished to alleviate, it clearly had all just been to relieve his conscious. To part on better terms, but  _ to part _ nonetheless. Finn began to take his leave, unsure of what to do- “W-Wait- Finn!” Poe yanked free of his relatives and stopped him by catching his wrist—“I have-“

“Ah, so this is the one our big brother hasn’t shut up about,” a woman of Poe’s golden complexion came beside him, eyeing Finn up and down with a smile like Poe’s too- but- bigger. “I’m Aria.” She extended her hand and Finn took it- “It’s about time we got to meet you.”

“I’m Irina!” Another young woman greeted him, before finally what had to be his father.

“Good to meet you Finn, I’m Kes, Kes Dameron,” his shake was firm but kind, understanding, if a handshake could be considered such.

“F-Finn,” he sputtered. “Skywalker.”

“We didn’t expect to see you here, when did you arrive, you could have sat with us-“

“Dad, he didn’t come to see me,” Poe eyed Finn then, some unspoken feelings seeming to ooze off of Poe, but he said nothing more.

“Odd that he’s here, waiting for you then,” Aria chuckled, but Poe groaned to his family before asking for an  _ ounce _ of privacy. And when they wandered off to the car all but  _ grinning _ towards them, Poe and Finn were stuck where they had been, eyeing one another with something akin to longing and heartache.

“I know you have to celebrate with your family,” Finn’s eyes curiously led him to glance over- the entire family waved and he quickly ducked his head down.

“Yeah, they’re  _ always that _ embarrassing,” Poe assured with a wave to them, snarling aside. “I… I feel like if I start I’ll just get interrupted. Maybe we should meet later tonight? When I can wheedle myself away from them?”

“Nonsense, dad asked if Finn wanted to join us for dinner,” Said his sister, who’d apparently doubled back for them. Poe groaned-

“No-“

“He said you’d say that, Finn, join us for dinner,” Aria beamed, cocky like her brother, smirking brightly.

“I- I don’t want to be a hassle, if Poe doesn’t want me t-“

“Of  _ course _ he wants you, he wouldn’t have scooted past us with that kind of ferocity for  _ some fuck,” _ Aria cocked a brow, eyeing him up and down again. “Besides, he’s about to shit his pants because you’re actually here. Come on, it’s just meeting the family. No biggie. We all know what Poe’s like.”

“Thanks, Aria, what a great sister you are,” he sneered and she made a face in return before Poe and Finn were alone again. “I really don’t want to go with my family and drag you too.”

“I don’t have to go, Poe, I could just-“ but if he said the words _ ‘I could leave’ _ then that would make it so. And his heart  _ this time _ for sure could not take the creaking noise of it breaking any longer. He couldn’t muster his courage to finish his thought, though he was sure Poe understood what he’d intended to say. His eyes lingered on Poe who removed the hat and ran a hand through his-

_ Hair cut. _ It was cropped short on the sides, left longer on the top- he’d never seen him- Finn’s chest tightened and all that desire he withheld from Poe just pooled into his gut again, tenfold-“You cut your hair.”

“Oh,” Poe ran another conscious hand against it with a faint blush, bowing his head. “Yeah. New day, new me? No, not really. Thought I’d try something different. See how it went. Not sure if I like it enough to continue its maintenance.”

“I like it,” Finn murmured, trying his best to control his hands from touching. It didn’t work. His hand coursed right against the side of Poe’s head, rubbed against the short buzzed hair, fingers starting to tangle in the longer strands at the to. It remained there for a few moments, fingers gently curling into deep earth-colored hair, the stray gray strands just added  _ wisdom _ somehow, despite his recent… behavior. Finn’s eyes focused on Poe who shut his own, nuzzled against his palm, hot breath caressing his hand, stubble that was feather-light, lips that…  _ trembled _ . He finally drew away, and it felt like the worst thing to do, like it was  _ wrong _ somehow, to end the delicate caress. If his fingertips tickled by Poe’s ear and cheek, neither commented on the blush that festered to Poe’s face afterwards. “Really like it-  it looks good on you.”

“T-Thanks,” and they probably would have stood that way for much longer had Aria not shouted at them to  _ come along then _ from a distance, waving. “Guess you don’t really get a choice.”

“I’m not complaining about it,” the two bumped shoulders as they turned and headed for Poe’s family and their car—if they remained that close so their knuckles nudged and slid against one another, no one made any inclination they saw it.

Finn received a text from his Aunt, though she already knew where he was and with whom;  _ <I’ll let Luke know you’re out with Poe and probably won’t be back until late or tomorrow, for that matter. Stay safe, dear, much love>. _ The simple message had Finn fumbling to respond, had Irina quizzically trying to read over his shoulder. Poe snapped that was rude and she huffed at him, pouting, but Finn explained it was just his Aunt. Poe’s gaze lingered on Finn for a moment, before turning away, what that look had been about, Finn couldn’t  _ begin _ to fathom.

They drove to a  _ fancy _ looking restaurant downtown, the sparkling tower lights kindling romance in Finn’s chest, Poe seeming to darken as the hour progressed. As they bailed from the car, Finn fumbled with his wallet, eyeing it to see if he could even  _ afford _ something on the menu when Aria pushed the wallet back into his bag- “Dunno what kind of manners my brother of mine taught you, but Dad wouldn’t let you pay even if you agreed you would.”

“B-but-“

“Nonsense,” was all she said, though why  _ she _ had to be the one to reassure her brother’s boyfriend was something she’d put to question  _ later. _ And to Poe directly. Finn was welcomed, it had been a long while since he sat with another family, listened to their jibes, their jokes, the sad stories and happy ones. They made him feel welcomed, but what family honestly wouldn’t be inviting to their guests?

Finn wondered then why Poe looked so sour the entire time,  _ it’s because I’m actually here. And he just wanted to say goodbye. Just wanted to make amends. _

“So, Poe’s boyfriend- that didn’t happen out of the blue, juicy details, please,” Aria had spoken up after they were seated, a waiter coming to fill their glasses with water and explain the specials for the evening. Both Finn and Poe stiffened, though Finn jumped a little at the words, feeling on edge and under scrutiny. “That’s adorable you two  _ both _ leapt out of your seats! Must be serious!”

“Poe’s mentioned you quite a lot,” this was said at the end of the table by Poe’s father, Kes, who’s fond smile ruptured contagiously to Finn then. Poe must have shared his mother’s smile then, Finn thought. “You met in class?”

“Uh-“ Finn’s eyes widened a bit and his cheeks flushed at the memories-  _ naked- _ had been the first memory. “Sort of? D… you know he… uh-“

“I was naked dad, and it wasn’t exactly class-“

“Oh, that topic sprung up quick, didn’t it, you’ll excuse my pun,” Aria teased-

“Dammit, we weren’t fuck-“ Poe bit his cheek, Finn could see. “I was modeling.”

“Oooooh, Poe got  _ naked,” _ this was said by Irina, although much younger than them, was in her early twenties, grinning like a pleased fat cat- “In front of his future boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend-“ “We’re not boyfriends,” Finn clarified over Poe and they both eyed one another before dropping their eyes from each other. Finn felt more confused than ever. “We’re just… friends I guess.”

“You  _ guess?” _ Aria huffed- “Dad, how come Poe get’s to invite his  _ sort-of boyfriend _ and I don’t?”

“Because you would excuse yourself before the first serving,” Kes chuckled- “And we haven’t heard of you having one.”

“That’s because it’s a  _ girl, dad,” _ she rolled her eyes.

 “Ah, well,” Kes waved- “Why didn’t you invite her then, Aria?” her cheeks brightened, eyes lowered bashful- “That’s why. Now, Poe, Finn- I’m alright with Poe’s choices- no reason to hide about your sexuality or anything. So you know.” Kes reminded Finn of his own dad, how when Finn admitted he was sure he was a sausage sort of man, and how Luke smiled with kindness and understanding.

“I’m really not hiding,” Finn exclaimed- “We really aren’t-“ but Poe glanced at him then, serious, like a glare, anger festering upon his brows. “We really aren’t  _ anything.” _ Saying it aloud had his chest contracting in pain and constricted, like he’d fallen and had the wind knocked from him. “Just met in class. He’s a good artist, helped… me out a bit.” His eyes rose to meet Kes’ but his father seemed  _ immediately  _ to understand all the tribulations that had gone on between them. That sort of wave of understanding had Finn turning his gaze. That frightened Finn. “I shouldn’t really be here either.”

“Nonsense,” something Aria had said earlier to him about paying, so certain. “This is a time to celebrate, you included.” But Poe finally tore his glare from Finn to level it elsewhere, though Finn was memorizing the sewing lines of the tablecloth, too concerned if he’d upset Poe by being here, ruined his time—he probably had a fuck lined up-

“I uh- just need to use the restroom. Really quick,” Finn got up, knocking the table and cursing before hustling away, bumping into a waitress and asking which way to the bathroom. He’d been gone for only thirty seconds before-

“Smooth move, bro,”

“What the hell  _ did I _ do  _ now?” _

“Not a thing, as usual,” Aria sneered and Poe returned the glare- his finger pointing at her.

“Quit your bitching, you have no idea what’s going on,” Poe defended.

“And that’s the problem, I don’t need to even  _ know _ what’s going on besides that you probably slept with him and told him it meant nothing to you,” She was gripping her water glass tightly, fierce, as she shook her head in disappointment. “Like you always do. Love them and leave them. Still haven’t changed.”

“I have-“

“Not, you’re still the same cunty bastard you were then as you are now,” she glared at him then turned to their father- “Dad please, talk sense into your eldest before he decides he’ll be a fucking hermit when he’s a million years old and lonely and have a fuckton of regrets.” She stood and marched away, off to the bathroom to find Finn—for surely he was deciding whether to run away or come back.

Finn went to the restroom and  _ cheered _ when he saw a faucet, cold water just ready for the taking, all but splashing it onto his face. He stared at the mirror in mute horror-  _ what am I doing here? _ It was when a knock echoed in the bathroom that Finn turned his gaze- “Finn?” Aria. He dried his face off, shaking himself off of jitters and stepped out. “You alright?”

“Fine, I’m fine,” he said, coolly though she saw right through him. And Finn knew it- she had a piercing gaze like Poe did, whether or not she  _ knew _ this was another story. “Just uh, got a bit heated back there. I hate awkward family social issues.”

“My brother is the biggest idiot this side of the west coast,” she assured then. “It’s no surprise he makes you feel uncomfortable with his actions. It’s plain to see. You’re easy to read.”

“Yeah, I am,”

“I wasn’t insulting you, Finn,” she added hastily.

“I’ve always been easy to read, just show my emotions clearly, less issues climax around an open guy,” oh and Poe was just the opposite. Cheery and cheeky all the time to keep  _ all _ the feelings away and locked under sturdy walls and doors. “I just really don’t think Poe wants me here. I only came to… er- not really sure why I showed up. Maybe to hear him apologize or something.”

“I don’t know all that my brother does,” she murmured, resting a hand on his shoulder, then moved it towards his neck- “But if I’ve ever seen him as excited as he was when he saw you there, well, I’d be calling him a liar.”

“We fought a week before, not a surprise,” he retorted, though knew it was an ill-fated battle.

“Maybe,” Aria shrugged then, drawing him away from the bathrooms and back towards their table- “But something tells me he was  _ still _ happy to see you there.”

“You’d know him best,” Finn murmured.

“No, no one does anymore,”

When they returned to the table, Irina was looking down at her menu, raised high to cover her face, Poe had his head in his hand, covering his face, Kes staring blankly at his son. “Oh, maybe we should stay at the bathrooms, party is just jumping here.” Aria said sarcastically.

“Oh thank you that you’re back,” Irina chimed in- “Poe told us you’re an artist Finn, and that you do fantasy stuff. Do you do like- elves and stuff?” And whilst the conversation turned to happier small-talk, Finn sharing in stories of his life and Irina’s and Aria’s, Poe remained awfully silent, bubbling with angry contempt. Kes joined in, curious about Finn as much as Finn was about them. Their waiter came to take their orders, and for a long while Finn tried not to order, but they demanded he eat, even Poe insisted, or he’d never hear the end of their nagging Finn. Their appetizers arrived, followed by salads and soups, and eager tummies turned from drawling discussions to minor comments. Somehow it remained pleasant… 

Despite Poe raging beside him, Finn began to forgo his worry for the model—his family was kind enough to treat him with this courtesy, he wouldn’t let it go to waste, their kindness. It was another jibe from Irina this time, that Finn  _ must _ have drawn Poe romantically, as elves maybe in some picture, and that she remembered a time when Poe kissed a painting of his of a model  _ he _ had painted when Poe finally spoke-

“Will you all just shut up- We’re friends. End of story, there’s nothing involving us, we met in class, we had some lunches together, we’re both cool, done, no more,” Poe looked to his father, eyes stern at his son’s outbreak. “Dad, please, let Finn go home, this is uncomfortable for the two of us.”

“The only one uncomfortable with talking about your relationship is the one who’s trying to hide Finn away from the world-“ Aria sneered but Poe stood up, nearly throwing his chair back in anger and Kes stood then too-

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Yes I do! We all do, all of us know what the hell probably happened and you’re the only one who won’t open up about it! Whatever Finn is to you, you don’t get to treat another human as badly as  _ you _ were treated once because  _ you _ haven’t recovered from the trauma!” So Poe hadn’t lied. He hadn’t lied his family had lost touch with him when he was with that man, Ferron, and all the times Poe wrote he didn’t want to grow attached, or that he was sure his younger self and older self would never have gotten along…

It was all true. “Everyone at this table knows what sort of lie that is, so stick your pride where your mouth is.”

“You think you’re so fucking smart Aria-“

“I am, I had a royal  _ fuck up _ for a brother-“

“Enough!” Kes finally demanded, but his voice was even, his eyes were hard upon his two eldest children. “ _ I’m _ uncomfortable, god knows what Finn is feeling over there. Poe this is a guest, regardless of what you feel about him, I didn’t raise a pack of wolves. Aria…” he didn’t need to say anything before her amber eyes fell-

“Sorry, father,”

“Poe, come with me,” Kes stood and shoveled Poe out from the table. Kes laid a hand on Finn’s shoulder- “Don’t leave, alright? This isn’t about you, and Aria likes you.”

“Ugh, dad,  _ go _ -“

“ _ Dad, _ ” Irina whined-  _ “I like him!” _

“Oh, sorry sweetheart,” Kes guided Poe away from them and towards the bathroom where they could spot the family and others, laughing, talking or eating with smiles.

This was how Poe was guided away from the table. With a firm hand on his shoulder, like he was in trouble again. Like he was 8 and had just flicked food at Aria for being a snotty brat, or saying he picked his nose at school and ate the boogers. He felt like that child again, full of vigor and excitement around him, nothing was dull, except listening to his parents chastise him, scoldings or sometimes (if he was honest) when grandma and grandpa would take him on long walks along the beach with his sister.  _ Just _ walks.

This was how he came to stand against the wall, arms crossed against his chest, eyes narrowed at his father who wasn’t looking at him. In fact, his eyes seemed to gloss over in memory- but Poe knew  _ where _ his eyes were laying. On the table just within eye’s reach, around a pillar or two and decorations of ivy and wine bottles. There his sisters lay havoc on the conversation, and Finn joined, laughing and smiling, encouraged and interested. He hadn’t realized how much he missed Finn’s warmth at his side, his presence until it was swiftly removed by his father.

“You  _ do realize _ you’re being an ass, right?” Sometimes, his dad  _ had  _ to talk to him straight- Poe learned this at a young age. Learned that sometimes, hearing exactly how stupid he sounded or what he had thought was right was really wrong, learned it needed to be blunt and even painful. “I didn’t think the teases would piss you off so much, but here we are.”

“Maybe if the three of you didn’t  _ pry _ into my life like it was your own personal story book,” Poe snarled, upset he had to be taken away  _ like _ a child. “I explained he was nobody-”

“He  _ is _ somebody,” Kes corrected. “He might not be  _ your somebody, _ but that doesn’t make him a nobody because  _ you _ don’t get to have him.” But his father shook his head softly, his eyes softening when Poe’s fell to the ground. “And that’s what this is really about? You not getting to keep him?”

“I made it so it wouldn’t  _ end up _ that way,” Poe declared firmly. “And that’s how it should be.”

“When will you let yourself feel forgiveness?” the question had been asked before, infrequent and whenever Poe never wanted to hear the words. Maybe he heard it more often, but the timing had been inopportune to sink in. “What happened with-“

“Don’t- don’t say his  _ name _ ,” Poe piped in quickly.

“It’s over,” his father continued. “It’s been done, all is well. Why is it so hard for you to see that man over there is nothing like him?”

“Because I don’t know what kind of man I am,” Poe sputtered. “I don’t want to give up my entire  _ life _ for a person- not again. I don’t  _ want _ to feel consumed, to feel overwhelmed with another person… he’s on my mind enough as it is-“ Poe chanced looking at his father, impassive as he lamented on. “I can’t do it. I’ve done enough harm as it is. I—“ and he took a shaky breath- “Let him go home. This is torture to him.”

“I don’t see him in any pain,” Kes’ eyes finally turned to Finn, who was laughing about a story he was sharing with Irina, Aria listening on with a smile. “I see him enjoying this for what it is.”

“Oh? Enlighten me,” growled Poe bitterly.

“A last night,” Poe didn’t…

_ Expect _ that. “I see him calm and accepting, he’s ready to move forward, with or without you. He’s letting himself have one more night before he makes his decision to leave you for good.” His father’s eyes returned to his then, making Poe feel small and worthless. “It’s not torture for him.” Kes raised his hands onto his son’s shoulders and sighed- “I’ve seen you fall, trip and make a fool of yourself. I’ve seen you at your highest and-“ he tipped his son’s chin up-“and your weakest. I know you sleep around to satisfy your need for company and keep distant even friends of old because you’re scared of what falling in love might mean for you. I want you to go back, now, sit with him, and you’re going to pretend you are what he wants you to be; his boyfriend. You’re going to be kind, treat him right, be sweet, and at the end of the night, you’re going to watch him walk away from you.”

“What the fuck-“ Poe tried to jerk away, his heart clenched, crushing his windpipe it seemed, then suddenly pumping hard again, could feel the hemorrhaging through his limbs. “Some fucking inspirational quote from you.”

“It wasn’t meant to be,” his father murmured. “It isn’t torture for him to be here, he’s accepted you for all you are, a playboy who doesn’t get attached. It’s torture for  _ you _ to see him. It’s not a punishment for him to pretend to care for you, it’s punishment for you.”

“W-what-“ his voice barely audible- his dad weaving this dark and terrible story to taunt him. Torture him. He felt tears prickle at his eyes- his dad had always told him what to do, how to go about and remedy a situation…  _ wait. Th-This can’t be how I fix this? Is it?! _

“Sending him away was never about him not accepting you, or being the right one for you, but about your own discomfort around  _ him _ ,” his hands clapped his son’s shoulders lightly, his frown deep. He didn’t  _ want _ to say this to his son. The sorrow evident, but he  _ had _ to. “And when he walks out of your life, then you’ll maybe understand what he’s felt all along.”

Kes turned Poe around and guided him back, like he was a child all over again. Like he had told another boy he was stupid for liking him and made the boy cry. He’d been scolded like he was 10 and had done a wrong thing and now he must deal with those consequences. It was Finn that smiled first, comforting. Poe sat down and eyed him, his father’s words circling in his mind- he almost repeated them.

“I’m sorry for being an ass,” he whispered, Kes turning the attention away from them from his two daughters who got the picture pretty quickly. “For making this night shitty for you.”

“It’s alright, I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable with me here,” Finn had  _ started _ to reach for Poe’s hand on his thigh, but stopped. Recoiled. Finn brought his hand back into his own lap. Poe was the one who reached for Finn’s hands, squeezed it as he laced their fingers together and drew it to his thigh, kept it glued there—

“You don’t make me uncomfortable,” he assured and Finn beamed, relaxing at his side.

Their meals arrived soon after, a refreshment of bread sticks too. The meal was exquisite, and Poe couldn’t recall the last time he enjoyed a meal with his family, one that had just brightened his day.  _ Has it been that long? Have I been that distant? _ Poe became weary of his thoughts, and returned to dinner, eager for more, for more time with Finn. The rest of the dinner went…  _ incredibly _ smooth. They  _ all _ laughed and spoke, told stories about their childhood, great things they’d seen or did… giggled shyly when one or two of the sisters would point out they were blushing, or being  _ romantic _ at one another. Their father encouraged dessert at a  _ delicious _ ice cream parlor a couple of blocks away, around by the lake- a short walk, if Finn was up for it.

“Asking for ice cream after a year of school is the  _ best _ treat, sir-“ Finn started.

“Kes, please,”

“K-Kes, thank you,” Finn corrected with a duck of his head. The walk was brisk, the night was warm, almost muggy from the earlier rains in the week, however brief they’d been. The ice cream parlor wasn’t packed, and the five of them ate over more laughter. They made silly faces, Poe learned that Finn  _ also _ didn’t like the candy cherries they placed atop the ice cream store’s whipped cream, and ate it for him. That Finn  _ fed him _ the cherry with his spoon was an accident that had his sisters giggling  _ uncontrollably. _

And when it came time to leave, the two sisters and father sped up  _ just _ a fraction to allow Poe and Finn a chance to talk—though Aria outright  _ winked _ at the two of them, Poe couldn’t help but wonder if his father’s speech had been more about  _ not _ letting Finn go, than guilting him into  _ letting _ Finn go. “Do you uh- wanna talk now?” Finn asked, risked looking up at Poe who’d been caught red-handed watching him. Poe didn’t diminish under the guilty-pleasure of staring at Finn, he did however let the blush fester upon his cheeks before clearing his throat. Poe would note that they were being taken the  _ long way _ around the lake back to Kes’ car.

“I think I need more romantic lighting, these new halogen street lights are  _ godawful,” _ they both laughed, Finn nudging Poe against the shoulder with his joke, ducking his head- “But I can make do, I suppose.”

“I read your letter, you know, I did, all of it,” Finn decided to take off from where they had first started. “I… I don’t know what to say, really. I guess, in a way, I understand—if someone told me my art wasn’t worth it and just…” but he never finished and Poe knew why. “I guess I just am too understanding. If I had been more like Rey, maybe I’d demand you grow a pair and get over yourself.”

“I’m surprised you two are so vastly different, growing up as brother and sister,” Poe commented- he wondered briefly  _ why then _ would Finn choose to let him go.

“Yeah, guess opposites attract right?” He rubbed his neck out of nervousness. Unable to wipe his hands on his jeans, the neck rub was next in line to utter discomfort. Poe knew that. Poe had  _ learned _ that about Finn. And staring at him now, he noticed that Finn looked  _ stunning _ in a button up and tie. Not that he hadn’t noticed this detail before from the Art Show… things seemed different. Maybe they were. “Just. You know, I’d never have done those things, but it doesn’t really matter, that’s not what stopped you, and I get it. That doesn’t change how I still…  _ care _ for you, you know. Just…” Finn took a breath and exhaled like he had no more words to say, like he had been finally  _ defeated _ and realized how futile fighting was. Finn seemed to declare Poe the victor of this tug-and-pull war between them, though he felt as Finn did, fighting on the losing side. “Friends at least? Never didn’t have fun spending time with you. Might  _ also _ need a good looking model too.”

“That really is your kink, isn’t it?” Poe nudged Finn, seeing the way Finn blushed, turned his head away bashful.

“Well, next time, don’t work out so, or be perfect,” he waved- “you have a good figure to draw, muscle tones and all.” Finn explained, but he didn’t need too. Nervous habit  _ number two. _ “Anyway. Air’s cleared yeah?”

“Y-Yeah,”

“Good, I liked being your friend,” but they continued to walk in silence until they made it closer to the parking lot, Kes, Aria and Irina already packing into the car when Finn stopped. “I can bus home from here. You should spend time with your family. You just graduated, now you’ll be sitting in an artsy office soon, with your own desk plate teaching other snotty kids about art now right? No free time for you.”

“Yeah, I guess,” he chuckled. “Don’t know what I really want to do though, been… rethinking a lot of things.”

“Yikes, don’t hurt yourself,” chuckled Finn with a smirk.

“Ouch,” Poe feigned clutching his heart and they shared a brief laugh before Finn took a step back, his hands in his pants pockets, he was clearly colder now with the evening air surrounding them, chilling as the evening wore on. Poe took off his jacket- that old aviator one he’d seen him wear  _ all _ the time with the splash of red and ridges down the arms. “Take it, please? Before those nice arms shiver off that hot bod.”

“If I was  _ hot _ Poe, I wouldn’t need a coat,” he jibed but Finn took it with a blush, and a fling. “Little snug-“

“You’re a bit bigger than me,” admired Poe, chewing his lip.

“And that  _ is _ what he said,” Poe laughed, gave Finn a soft push, shaking his head-

“Awful, Finn, just awful,” Finn looked  _ good _ in his jacket, it was more snug around his shoulders, but the length was alright on him, where on Poe the sleeves had been a bit too long. Poe waved as Finn ducked back down the path along the lake-

One. Two. Three, fourfivesix-  _ six _ whole seconds had gone by when Poe began to  _ want _ to follow after (if he sped the last three, no one would ever know). Poe wanted to ask him why the  _ fuck _ was he leaving. But his feet kept himself planted.  _ No. _ Gotta say something. His eyes glanced back to his family who were all chattering contently at the car now- he could see. They wouldn’t notice right? He opened his mouth but nothing came out.

He felt tears well-  _ shit no, please, please. _ “F-Finn… wait.” It hadn’t been very loud.

How Finn heard was a miracle that Poe wouldn’t question—so he ran after him, jogging really and Finn turned, hands now tucked into Poe’s jacket pockets.

“What’s wrong-“

“I can’t do this,”

“Do… what?” Finn queried, concerned.

“Don’t bus home,” Poe pleaded.

“O-Oh… I just didn’t want to really… you know, inconvenience your family, driving me home,” Finn shrugged- if he had looked like he’d given up hope at Poe’s answer, he hid it well.

“N- not just that,” Poe clarified, or tried too. “I don’t mean just the bus- fuck that bus, I meant you- I- I can’t let you go home.”

“Ummm-“

“And that sounds fucking creepy,” he groaned and tried to clear his head with shake or two- “I—Finn. I’m terrible at speaking my mind, I can’t do it to save my life and when I finally did, I lost  _ all _ of what I thought I was. Even… even the fake person I had become.” He felt ready to sob- incoherently, but Finn reached out and squeezed his bicep softly, felt it flex. It grounded Poe. “And I’m really fucking struggling to just… admit I don’t  _ want _ you to leave me yet. Please don’t. Shit, please don’t ever go.”

“P-Poe,”

“I know what I’ve said and done is… hard to forget, or even to forgive, but I know you to be so fucking forgiving, it makes me grind my teeth, sometimes,” Finn frowned- “Not… the right thing to say, right. I just mean- if there was anyone in the world that would have given me a second chance it would be you. And I’m not asking that you do it because you know it’s true or anything… I… I just can’t let you walk out of my life again. I can’t let you be a constant reminder of my own self-inflicted punishment. Your ghost would torment me.” Poe’s hands now had fistfuls of his jacket, keeping Finn close as his voice began to die down. “I  _ don’t _ want to do it alone anymore. I… I want another chance. I don’t deserve it- but I never saw the opportunity that Leia gave me all those years ago for what it was; starting over. I’m a late bloomer I guess.”

“Poe- I-“

“I know- I know you can’t-“ so Poe stepped away, his hands trembling so he shoved them into his pockets to stop them, or at least, conceal them. “I just… I don’t want to be tortured by you anymore, I don’t want to look into your eyes and see what could have been, but never will be. I’d be so fucking jealous of whatever man gets you, buddy, you have no idea-“

“Poe-“ Finn tried once more to interrupt.

“No, I understand, just, you know, you can’t forgive me, I know. Just, don’t forget to text me, I’ll be bored being a real adult again-“

“Oh my god, you’ve picked up my trait of rambling on when I have something say!” Finn rushed to Poe, his hand found his neck first and yanked him until they were flushed against one another, mouths smacking together, teeth colliding and groaning in pain. “There are easier ways of saying, ‘I’m sorry, let’s date’, you know.” Finn murmured over Poe’s lips and the model wrapped his arms tightly about Finn’s neck and yanked him down for another kiss filled with hurt and need. Poe knew his mouth would be sore, his lips swelling under the knocking of their teeth and tongue but he didn’t much care because it had been done by  _ Finn. _ Finn wrapped his arms about his back, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss, tongues hooking together and counting teeth they’d already known the amount of. Poe only drew away to moan shamelessly against Finn’s mouth when the artist had pressed a leg between his, rubbed against his erection that was growing  _ harder _ every second. “O-Oh dear. If Aria asks, you’re answering the question.” Finn reached to take Poe’s hand instead, squeezing it tightly, running his over Poe’s. “So, I imagine your car is at your parents, right?” A nod- “Well, we could continue talking here and catch the bus… or go somewhere else. I… I don’t have the dorm anymore but-“

“Come back to my place then?” Finn began to grin as Poe finished his question.

“Yes, but no Starbucks run,” his eyes fell to Poe’s crotch again with delight- Poe squirmed. “I don’t know if you want everyone to know you can’t keep it down.”

“You’re  _ cruel,” _

“Maybe you have a kink for me telling you what to do,” Finn said against his ear as they walked back to Kes’ car, the family never questioning why they had taken so long until-

“God  _ damn _ , Poe, can’t ever just have a normal conversation with people, always gotta pop one to say you love ‘em,” Finn, Poe was sure, was laughing the duration of the ride back to his dad’s. Though Finn only smiled, he was assured and confident as Finn held his hand tightly. He wondered briefly then, if Finn had ever  _ let _ go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehehehe. See? Happy ending (almost). I'm sorry but the next chapter is just gonna be guilty frigging pleasures. But, I hope everyone likes this one? We flip through a few different perspectives lightly here, or more accurately, we're the flies on the wall.
> 
> I made up Aria/Irina, he needed family, I supplied it, yeah it's not canon, I know, I know, blah blah blah, but I didn't really want his mother to be around-- she might have kicked his ass and told him to stop being a brat and love Finn earlier on and then it'd have been like a chapter XD
> 
> Long haul yeah? Almost done!
> 
> Btw, tossing around the idea of doing an epilogue about what Poe wanted to talk about (their relationship and probably more smut too) as a last chapter, #23. Who wants it?
> 
> Otherwise, I'm gonna skip to another one, I've mentioned doing one before, something like 6 months to a year from this time, and see what Mister and Mister Dameron are up to. No that also isn't a hint to what happens either XD it would be a separate fic, I'd put them into a series, so we all can follow it XD interested???


	22. Chapter 22: Love and Commence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Art is like a lover whom you run away from but who comes back and picks you up." -Tracey Emin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A WARNING:
> 
> This is smut. It's pretty explicit. I'm not changing an entire story for one smutty smutty chapter. You have been warned!  
> Enjoy!

The drive to Poe’s family’s home seemed to be a long one. The family chattered on, Finn _also_ included in the conversation, but there was an energy only the two of them felt- the electricity that bound them together, the magnetic force when their eyes met, hard to pull away, harder _not_ to look. When they arrived they were _shuttled_ in, despite Poe wanting only to leave- Poe showed Finn where he had slept when he was young, showed him some old work he had littered in the house, offered the sketchbook he had carried when he was with his ex. Finn eyed it, the cover old, and flimsy, battered from use.

“Look at it some time,” he whispered and Finn handed it back to Poe.

“I don’t need to-“

“I want you to,” he put the sketchbook into Finn’s bag- “You’re taking it regardless.” Finn smiled and Poe leaned in to kiss him when Aria said there was to be none of _that_ in the house. They had to leave to get some nookie. Finn bowed his head, his cheeks bright and Poe laughed- that true laugh he heard before, only around him, when they would hole themselves away.

Eventually they were able to leave, the tension palpable, but Finn saw Poe nervous for the first time, truly. His hands wrung on the steering wheel and if he stopped and went hastily, he defended it was because he was driving a manual—“Clutch gets sticky sometimes.” When they arrived at his house they both looked to it, a bit bashful, a bit shy. Finn eyed Poe who was just…

 _Drooling_ over him practically.

“Poe-“

“Yeah-“ he wasn’t even _responding_ really. He’d heard a word and he’d said yeah-“

“You’re drooling,”

“Yeah,” and that proved it and Finn laughed which had Poe snapping from his daydream. “What happened?”

“I said you were drooling,” Poe immediately wiped at his mouth, turning away, his cheeks bright under Finn’s laughter. “You aren’t, but you looked a little uh- lost in thought.”

“T-Too many I guess,” he huffed a bit and furtively looked to Finn. “We uh- I guess we can get out.” Finn followed after Poe, quietly hovering in his space. When they reached the door, Poe dropped his keys with a groan, bending over to get them, but Finn just pressed _in between_ that space- hardened dick against his ass- Poe stood straight up with a gasp, his keys sliding into the door, ushering him in quickly.

It was an interesting difference to see Poe fussy and twitchy, nervous and edgy. Not out of fear or worry, but… _anticipation._ The Poe now was very much a different person. At least from the last time they had come here and… fooled around. This Poe was much like the model Finn met in class, all smiles and trying to please, sarcastic, funny, _sexy._

The other Poe that the model often portrayed was all of those things too, but it held a sort of coldness Finn hadn’t realized was there until he was standing in Poe’s apartment again, watching the keys fall _again_ to the kitchen floor. He cursed outright and threw them to the counter and moved about before _yanking_ Finn against him- “I’m _not_ this clumsy.” He assured but Finn laughed, his hands smoothed down Poe’s sides and waist, rolling down thighs, one hand sparing to his groin, to rub against that hardened flesh, the other slipped around and squeezed his ass, one cheek balanced in his hand- Poe rocked forward with a moan.

“It’s cute-“

“It’s fucking _embarrassing,”_ he hissed against Finn’s mouth, using his hands to claw Finn closer—they just weren’t close enough. “Bedroom, now.”

“So demanding,” Finn purred, beaming, but Poe was huffing at him, whirling around to wander back to his room. That he _pulled_ Finn along was sweet, even if the man was thoroughly embarrassed and a bit clumsy. When they reached the threshold to the bedroom, _that’s_ when Finn used his strength, to stop a fussy Poe from hustling about to do _whatever_ he’d set his mind on doing.

And most likely, it was rushing through sex. Not to get it over with but, certainly, if you were this embarrassed and nervous, letting one out helped to relax you.

Yet Finn wasn’t about to miss _out_ on all that Poe was showing him. If the man knew he had become more irate and bashful, he showed it through his glare at being held tight and yanked back from continuing his course- but Finn _wanted_ to see _exactly_ how Poe acted, what he did…

He wanted to see the man that the model had buried so deeply he’d suffer the models whining wrath. “You know what I thought, that night, coming here?”

 _“ ‘Good god, I’m getting into his pants finally?’ “_ Poe mocked, though there was a bit of sincerity in his voice, it lingered like their kisses.

“That I was special,” Finn lowered his voice, edging Poe into a serious mode, his hands sought waist, pulled the model in and the model followed suit, hands flattening against his chest, fiddling with his coat that hung from Finn’s shoulders. “I thought ‘he doesn’t bring anyone here’ and ‘it’s gotta mean something more than a fuck’. And then we didn’t _even_ have sex. I thought-“

“You thought _right,”_ Poe leaned in, his eyes finding Finn’s lowered ones, smiling as he caught his gaze. “It _was_ different and _you are_ special. Maybe I didn’t really see it then, or maybe I did and thought I could get away with it. I…” Poe sagged a bit, slack in Finn’s arms. “I thought ‘one night, we’ll see’ and when you were just as you were the next day? I thought ‘having him as a regular couldn’t hurt’ but the more I did it the more it _hurt_ . The more I saw my gaze following your smile than it did your ass- assets…” he cleared his throat then, shuffling a bit and Finn beamed brightly. “I wanted to spend _time_ with you instead of just fucking. It terrified me Finn. I… cracked and under the pressure fucked some other student and-“

“And we all know who gets to be your one and only squeeze now, yeah?” Finn started to lean in to capture Poe’s lips-

“You do,” Poe whispered then, stopping the kiss with a finger against Finn’s cheek. “You get to be that guy that tames Poe Dameron.”

“You’re not an animal,” Finn backed up slightly—

“No but how I treated you was brutal,” Finn shook his head and took off Poe’s jacket then, setting it to the dresser behind him.

“That’s all well and good, but,” and Finn drew his shirt from him, sliding it off with a sigh as he let it fall to the floor, as he moved to switch on one of the small lights at the dresser—just _enough_ light to see _all_ the details. To see the blush on Poe’s cheeks, the teeth imprints from worrying his lip too hard and too much. “I also liked that Poe- who was dominant and commanding, who was proud and confident…”

 “ _Now_ who’s getting kinky?”

“Whole point of tonight was to do some serious relationship bonding with a side platter of emotional recovery…” Poe’s hands were on his hips, this smirk playing on his lips that Finn recognized- he wanted _to_ draw this out as long as possible. To spend as much time _exploring_ as _having sex._ It forced a heat wave rolling down from Finn’s face to his dick, it twitched needy-like against his jeans, but he ignored it for the moment.

“That’s a shame…” Finn murmured as his hands slipped to those muscular hips, circled the jutting hipbones with his thumbs- “I was going to let you have your way with me.” Poe’s swallow _echoed_ in the room, hard, Finn wondered if it had hurt a little, going down. “However you’d like.”

“D-Definitely don’t have any those sit-down easels here that they have at school,” Poe moaned when Finn’s hands began to ascend, began to draw his shirt off. Finn made sure his thumbs crested over nipples as he stripped Poe of his shirt, tossing it to his left before his eyes fell back to Poe—the shadows cast from the dim lamp had his mouth watering to taste all of that golden skin again, to mark every piece he could and then do it again. “I think I can make do.” Poe’s eyes fell with a glint- “Though, how much I _love_ seeing you in tight pants, babe, they need to go.”

So Finn spun them, until his back was towards the bed. He stepped back and back, tugging Poe along by the belt loops of his dress slacks before collapsing on the bed. His mouth found Poe’s belly, kissed it, let his tongue delve into his belly button with a hum as Poe ran quivering fingers against his scalp, digging through his coiled hair as Finn mouthed his stomach. Finn’s hands were deft now, taking Poe out of his clothes, like taking himself out of clothes. His hands palmed Poe’s pulsing dick through the slacks as he popped the button open, Poe bucked slightly into the pleasing hand. His fingers undid the zipper and hooked into the hem, making sure to draw his underwear down with it, fishing out his dick. Poe gasped at Finn’s hand, shivering, reaching out to Finn’s shoulder to keep him upright as hot breath caressed his needy length.

        Finn, on the other hand, had _many_ more ideas than he was sure Poe knew of, for how this night was going to go. His hands reached around to squeeze his bared ass and Poe moaned, stumbled against the edge of the bed, bowing his head to look at Finn. His tongue reached out, Finn kept his eyes trained on Poe’s as the pink muscle licked the underside of his cock, salty, but Poe. Precum beaded out at the touch and Finn knew Poe saw it, moaned for it, shut his eyes tight when Finn sunk a little to _lick_ at the entire length of his throbbing dick- “F-Finn- f-fuck I said get out of _your pants_ n-not mine- oh _fuck_ don’t stop.” Finn beamed, rolling those firm muscles in his hands, watching Poe come undone by simply being _touched_ to no real end.

He was… different like this—before it’d been a lot of teasing, sure there was teasing now, the same energy… but there was something about Poe that had changed. His eyes seemed to become glossier, his cheeks a deeper shade of mahogany, his body reacted more intensely and Finn wondered if perhaps, even in sex, Poe had kept himself closed off. It was _hard_ to suppress _all_ that stimulation, but certain things could be doused to an extent. The way that Poe gripped his shoulder, tight, and unsure, whereas before it was tight and _sure._ He knew _where_ to grip, when to grip, _how…_

And now it seemed, that Poe was a bit… disabled. This was what Poe kept the world from seeing, kept his quickies from noticing—kept anyone getting to close, away.

“Poe,” Finn drew up, his lips landing to Poe’s stomach again, humming softly to gain his attention. Poe opened his eyes and stared down at Finn, tongue curling over his lips, mouth open to heave shaky breaths through his teeth. “I think I’m falling for you.” And for a long while… Poe just stared, his brows had furrowed which told Finn he at least _heard_ him in his lusty state, but for everything else, it hadn’t changed—his body was still sensitive to touch, cheeks still stained by red wine colors, his dick firm against his Finn’s neck.

“F-Fucking better be falling head over heels after that sappy family dinner,” Poe pushed then, straddling Finn as soon as he could, grinning broadly and smugly as he rolled his still clothed hips against Finn’s own straining erection. “Better just outright say you’ve fallen in love, that I’ve pierced your heart with cupid’s arrows-“

“You’re _really_ corny when you’re all hot and bothered-“

“You just told me you’re falling for me,” Poe countered- “I’m not about to let this chance get away from me.” Poe leaned up to him, to grab his chin and hold him as he spoke- “Not about to let you slip away again. So, woman up- gonna show you what everyone was missing, and something you’ll never tire of.”

“Good pizza?”

“Close,” Poe chuckled over his lips- “Something just as hot and just as delicious I assure you.”

“I like olives,”

 “ _Ugh,”_ Poe sat back- “We gotta break up, can’t deal with olives.” They laughed—and it felt good to do that. To do that _here._ Now. Their lips smashed together, but tongues were there to waggle across and soothe the pain, to slip and fight for dominance—Finn won out this time, his hands finding Poe’s ass again and rocking it against him, sucking on his tongue as Poe moaned deep in his chest, body tensing from quivering. Poe pulled back roughly, his hands on Finn’s chest as his tongue rolled in his own mouth, tsking lightly. “Now, I asked so nicely for you to get outta these pants, and you refused.” He wiggled his finger to and fro, but Finn looked just as _pleased_ as Poe did, and the artist saw the little flutter it made Poe feel—to know he was ready to play along. _Willing_ to. _Wanting_ too. “Now I’m going to punish you.”

“Oh yes, Mister Dameron,” Poe shivered at the title, swallowing hard again and faltering a bit. “Oh, that did you in, Mister Dameron?” Finn could feel the way Poe’s legs tightened at his hips, and he was beaming at him- he winked- “I’ll do as you ask, Mister Dameron-“

“F-fuck,” Poe cursed as he slid off of Finn with little grace. He’d meant to be more fluid and sexy, but hearing Finn call him that- his body was convulsing from the sight of him _anyway,_ he didn’t need _more_ reason to cum prematurely all over Finn. His hands deftly undid Finn’s pants, tugging them down with haste- though Finn knew they’d be rolling around in foreplay for another hour—this was a sight Finn hadn’t ever seen. The more time they spent like this, the more Finn had realized he’d miss that first time with Poe- what he’d missed _every time_ in fact. Shoes were undone, and he heard _four_ fall to the ground. When Poe finally popped back up, he’d apparently shed his pants too, in favor of just… _being_ naked _now_ instead of continuing their little clothed-rutting session.

Like that time before, Poe slinked between Finn’s legs, yet now, they spread with desire and want, lips chased after the tender spots in his thighs with a smile, a genuine and honest one. Hands found the ticklish spots of Finn’s knees, of his thighs, relentless in tickling him before sucking a hickey against his inner thigh, cutting off his roaring laughter with a louder moan. Hands meant to sear their touch against his skin, and Finn only begged for more of it too- delighted in the moment. Poe’s tongue lapped at his cock a few strikes before his tongue lavished his balls with attention, even a bit lower, and the model moaned for it- for Finn spreading his legs, one hand gripping his thigh. Poe’s hand met Finn’s hand against his thigh, looking up at him, licking his teeth as he dragged his bottom lip against his cock. And Finn knew then _exactly_ what he wanted.

He backed up along the bed, out of Poe’s reach, propping himself upon his elbows. When Poe began to stalk after, Finn waved a finger, tsking lightly at him, but Poe sat back to his haunches, bated breath and waiting, as patiently as he could. Finn sat up and kissed Poe, quickly, chastely…

Before he turned about, stood to his hands and knees, head dipped low, a bit embarrassed _now_ that he was _in_ this position. His fingers coiled in the blankets tightly, a weak whimper escape before his body trembled in anticipation. His eyes raised to glance over his shoulder to Poe—seeing the model’s mouth _hanging open_ like a fly trap and seeing his eyes blown wide? Gave him the confidence to speak.

“Poe, I want you,” A wiggle of his hips had been a secondary thought, and nearly unconscious. Poe’s mouth shut tight at the view, another thick gulp resounding against the walls.

“Y… you what?”

“I said I want you,” Finn repeated. “I want you to fuck me?” Now a bit of worry had begun to seep into his voice. “I want you to take me? Have sex with me- I-“ his voice choked a bit- “make _love_ to me.” This was said much quieter, in fact, Finn would say he _thought_ it loudly and pretended his voice didn’t crack too much over the plea. For it was begging.

“You want _me_ to…” but Poe never finished the sentence, and when Finn began to feel more foolish that sexy, his shoulders began to shake in anxiety.

Finn didn’t get another chance to speak because Poe’s hands were upon his ass, spreading his cheeks and his mouth fell upon his hole with such fervor Finn struggled to stay upright. The only thing that _did_ manage to stay upright was his hips, a few inches from the bed as Poe tongued his hole ravenously, hands massaging his ass cheeks, thumbs slowly digging towards the center where his mouth was. Finn felt like he’d been set aflame like a furnace, unmanaged heat swarmed at the pressing tongue against his ass, the suction and moans that resonated behind him had his hips rutting against the blankets and against Poe’s face—god and a part of him felt a bit wrong for it.

Poe on the other hand, was relentless. Desire had swelled to a crushing point and that simple acknowledgement from Finn had been all he needed for the dam to break open. When had been the last time he trusted someone enough for this? To really get down and passionate like this? Poe tried to recall a lay he had, anybody in fact, and not one had come into his mind except Finn.

Finn showered that morning. He could taste his soap, could taste the bodywash he relished and coveted from Poe. But under all that perfume, he tasted the man himself, like earth, like roasted coffee almost, dark like that, smoky too, if he was really pining a flavor profile on him. And he _loved_ it. Loved the coo’s and whimpers, the thrusts and shivers he elicited from Finn, loved that the man’s body was taut with need, with desire, rutting against his tongue, his muscles exposed, and watching them flex and work and twist _all_ because of him? He moaned when his hand reached between his legs to give his own dick a squeeze—

It seemed Finn did the same-

“W-Wh-whoa- w-wait- Poe,” Finn shuddered, breaking from the bed to lift his face, to eye Poe over his shoulder- “I’m gonna cum like this- a-and I don’t wan-want to yet.” Poe didn’t need to look between them to see Finn’s hand tight around the base of his dick. He saw the stains upon his comforter from Finn, that it had been such a _large_ stain only made him harder for it, not that it was really truthfully possible. His cock was a mahogany color, as he was sure Finn’s would have been if he was a shade lighter- but he could see from how tight the skin was- how sensitive Finn had become- “A-and we haven’t g-gotten to the main course yet.”

“That’s _awful,_ Finn,” he whispered over his tailbone, pecking it softly before sliding up against him, pinning him to the bed with his weight- “But you’re so close, and I doubt you’d stay soft the _whole_ time-“

“B-But-“

“I’ve _made_ my decision, babe,” a kiss to Finn’s neck- “You’re gonna see stars tonight.” And that warmth vanished from his back. Hands lifted his hips and his ass now hung in the air under scrutiny—Poe’s hand washed over his cheeks in comfort, watching Finn try to rock against the hand for a bit more. Poe felt sympathy, and caved. That’s what he’d say it was, sympathy, not his own _need_ pulsing within and nudging him to compulsion. His mouth descended again, this time without restrictions. One hand spared to part a cheek, pressing needy fingertips against the pucker of his ass, the other looped around his hips, found Finn’s hand holding his dick and removed it. “So, for a start, lemme take care of ya.” And his mouth didn’t make more noise save for his tongue lapping quickly, sometimes long strokes of the flat of his tongue.

It send trickles of pleasure through Finn’s spine, like little bolts of electricity bounding through his nervous system, tingling. He knew his voice would be rough tomorrow, if not right after _this_ , his moans echoing and careening off the walls- but they rang like angels in Poe’s ears. His tongue delved into Finn, hot, tight, squeezing him out with a shout, his back went rigid and Poe felt Finn’s cock convulse—oh.

Oh he’d spent his time _long enough_ with this man, he knew his tells nearly as well as Finn knew them. And he knew Finn was on the precipice of release, could feel it in the way his legs began to seize, and close, how his hands furled and unfurled in sheets. How the sweat began to gleam in the soft yellow light of his lamp—“Cum for me Finn-“ he whispered over that tight hole, watching the tip of his finger press in, his arm straining against working Finn’s cock fervently below- “Finn.” His mouth sucked and lathered his hole, felt it quiver beneath his tongue, felt his finger slip in further-

“P-Poe!” Finn collapsed to the bed and Poe followed quickly after, keeping Finn’s hips a few inches from the bed, though now his hand was spared to part his other cheek, to grope it, watch his finger dig into malleable flesh- “F-Fuck- I’m! Gonna cum, oh-oh fuck- yeah- Poe, _yes.”_ It was a little squeak before Finn came, unable to say more than Poe’s name over and over against the pillows, his tremors intense that he pushed Poe _away_ from his ass, that powerful muscle clenched tight as he ground against the bed and came. When his body began to lax, though still quivering, Poe slid a hand along his thigh, over the mound of his ass and down the swoop of his back and took _extra_ time over the scar that rose from his right hip up to his left shoulder.

Poe smoothed along his back then too, supplanting his aching dick between two firm wet cheeks and breathing against Finn’s ear. “P-Poe…” it’d been a whimper, a huff of air and the model smiled brightly for it.

“Never had someone moan so lewdly over that, my _jaw_ is aching,” he chided and tugged at his ear lobe with his teeth, planting a wet kiss to his neck. Finn mewled, trying to nuzzle away into the blankets- “Don’t hide _now.”_ He teased, chasing after his hands, kissing his shoulders in delight- “I want to see that face if we’re going to have sex, babe.”

“I came though,”

“Don’t need _you_ hard to have sex with _you_ , dearest,” Poe teased but Finn craned his head a bit, eyeing him, then his lips- Poe wiped at his mouth with a smirk- “It’s not your cum, but-“ he winked- “I guess my lips are a nice feature.”

“They’re bright red, Poe,” Finn murmured, reaching to kiss them, but Poe deepened it, relishing each little mewl he wrung from Finn. “Let me do you-“

“Oh no, I’m not embarrassing myself and cumming the moment you wrap your god damn godsend of a mouth around _me,”_ Poe exclaimed and went to the other side of his bed, rooting around in his nightstand- “I heard you wanted to have sex with me, and this guy isn’t passing up that chance.” But Finn watched him with a gentle smile, his eyes shining and when Poe finally turned to face him, he blinked. “What?”

“Just…” Finn giggled. “You seem different.”

“I am different,” Poe blushed a bit before returning.

“I like different,” Finn giggled and Poe sighed- “So, get to work, if we’re gonna do it, I’m _waiting.”_

“Yikes, such a demanding bottom I’ve bedded,” Poe teased, kissed his forehead before standing and heading to his dresser. Finn rolled to watch him, his eyes rolling over his back, down to the swell of his ass, watching his cheeks tense as he rose to his toes or moved a leg. “Dammit.” Poe spun about, rubbing his lips in thought before heading to his closet and pulling open a few small drawers- “You’re just _fucking me.”_ He groaned- “One more place-“

“Poe?” But all the model did was hold his index finger to shush him before he stalked off to the bathroom. Finn became a bit disconcerted, so he sat up and realized how _much_ he had come _all over_ Poe’s blanket. His cheeks flooded with heat and he quickly kicked the blanket off, relaxing that the sheets were still dry. When Poe returned he looked _haunted._ “Poe?”

“We can’t have sex,”

“Huh?”

“I don’t have any condoms!” Poe exclaimed like it was the end of the world. “I _literally_ don’t have any. I thought I did, thought I had more!”

“You… _really?”_ Finn found this apparently as hard to believe as Poe had.

“I’m happy you're unconcerned as to why I would have the Costco size-wholesale box of 100 condoms for 4 bucks instead of the box of ten for 20 bucks at Wal-Greens,” Poe deadpanned and Finn chuckled-

“Wasn’t exactly a secret you were a safe quickie,” Finn kissed his cheek. “Also, you told me so.” A loose shrug- “So… why _are_ you out?”

“I must have used the last one on that student when I… uh-“ He scratched at his cheek, suddenly feeling shame rise to his cheeks instead of arousal, his cock lagging just a fraction for it. “I stopped fooling around after… that.”

“You… did? Why?”

“Why? Because the person that I’d _been_ trying to sleep with walked in on me _fucking_ blatantly,” Poe rubbed at his eyes- “Ugh, can the conversation wait? We need to go the store.”

“You’re… kidding right?” Poe though, was already shuffling around the room to pick up his clothes, flicking on the overhead light as Finn scooted to the bed. “We can wait, you know.”

“No!” Poe huffed, tossing one of his clean shirts to Finn- “Last time I waited I…” He stiffened. “If I wait too long this time, who knows what’ll happen.”

“We’d have sex later?” But Poe didn’t stop in his effort to dress, so Finn followed suit, not sure how Poe could be comfortable, but he was wearing a pair of sweats and a tight shirt. Finn had his jeans back on and one of Poe’s shirts, dark blue with yellow script—“This shirt is _really_ tight Poe.” Poe paused to look and got lost in the contours of his pectorals-

“Let-let’s just g-go-“ But Finn stopped him, captured his arm and pulled him to the edge of the bed where he’d retaken his seat. “Finn.”

“We _can_ do it another night,” Finn promised. “As long as you’ll have me, I’m not going anywhere.” And Poe considered the words-

“As long as I’ll have you? We both know I shouldn’t be trusted-“

“Even now, you’re going to fight me?” Finn asked and Poe seemed to deflate a bit. “If you told me you weren’t going to sleep with anyone else, that I’m the only one, then, I’ll believe you.”

“Trust too easily,”

“You told me I would be the only one to ever forgive you too, so listen to your advice, sometime,” Finn snarled lightly,  his tone the slightest bit threatening. “Do you _really_ need to have sex tonight?” Poe considered the words- “I might have suggested it, but tomorrow, tonight, eh, tomorrow _morning…”_ he gave a little roll of his shoulders- “So long as I get it…”

“It needs to be tonight,” Poe clarified. “I… I want to do it, I… I want to make up for all the wrong I’ve done.”

“You’ll need more than a night,” Poe’s eyes lowered and his whole aura just… saddened. “Poe, I didn’t mean-“ so Finn stood and captured Poe in his arms, hugged him tight- “J-Just meant after _that_ little bit of fun, you need to show me _more_ of what you can do. I like you, Poe, and I want what you want- from us. I want a good boyfriend. I have one.”

“Where?”

“ _Ugh,_ put your shoes on, you asshole,” Finn pushed Poe who laughed and though he was pushed away returned and… just stroked Finn’s arms, looking at his hands, watching Finn’s play with his fingertips.

“You mean it, that I’m… somehow still worthy of…”

“I wouldn’t have gotten naked and let you just _destroy_ my ass with your mouth if I thought you were going to employ those wiles on an ass less worthy,” Finn declared proudly.

“Whew, ego, through the _roof,”_

“I know which… assets you’ve been appreciating,” he reached and squeeze Poe’s ass- “They’re the same ones I’ve been ogling.” Poe rocked against him, moaning- his cock still burning with desire against his sweatpants. “Besides, I want you too, Poe. In any way I can have. If you’ll have me.”

“It should be _me_ asking who can have who,” he sighed but stepped away- “Ugh, let’s go before I fucking just _rub_ myself off on your thigh. Talk about embarrassing starts to the new relationship.” They laughed and shrugged coats on, Poe having _great_ difficulty driving stick with a hard-on _beaming_ through his sweats. “This is going to be so embarrassing.”

“Especially if you’re going to buy the one with ridges,”

“Shut the fuck _up,”_ Poe glared, but Finn was getting out of the car. “Really?”

“Need to get the extra thin ones, whew have you tried them?” Finn shivered- “Yep, ridges, extra thin, Trojans.”

“I _hate you_ ,” Poe pouted but Finn patted him on the shoulder. Together they wandered into the retail store Target, since it was close and open. They found themselves staring and pouring over the condoms with Poe deliberating on picking up the box. “Ugh, you can’t be next to me when I do this.” So Finn went to stand behind him instead, not a hair’s space between them.

“Better?”

“F-Fuck me, Christ,”

“I’m not that good, but I’ll make do,” Finn teased at his ear and Poe shakily reached to buy the one _Finn_ asked for, stifling the moan when Finn groped his ass as they left the aisle. Somewhere between the aisle and the cashier Poe lost sight of Finn, but then found the man across the way- _buying_ a slurpee. _Really_ he thought and sighed, but when he finished and filled it up, he just… stood there. Smug. He was going to make _Poe_ buy them _alone_ with his cock _clearly_ just… _on display_ for the world to see, even through his sweats.

He didn’t _need_ a mirror to know his hair was messy, his mouth was swollen, a hickey on his neck-

“Someone getting a little frisky,” the cashier finally jibed. Poe rolled his head so _hard_ it _hurt_ to do so. “Anything else you might need, ‘big boy’?” she had put it quotes, with a wink. Poe reached for a pack of gum. “Really?”

“Yep,” his nose flared in frustration, but Finn, he was fucking _smug_ as _fuck_ over there at the Starbucks, nearly _bubbling_ over in delight. “And I don’t want a bag either.”

“Oh my god, Poe, it’s so good to see you!” Finn came, feigning like he hadn’t just walked into the store with him. Poe leveled a glare at him so intense that the cashier snorted. “It’s been so long, how are you dear?”

“Wonderful,” Poe swiped his card and Finn eyed the condoms with a smirk. _Don’t you fucking dare._

“Oh, someone is getting busy tonight, is he cute?” The cashier’s eyes _blew_ open as she processed the card.

“Cheeky little brat, really,” Poe sneered. “Needs to get his ass slapped for his bad behavior.”

“Be careful, he might like it,” the lady fumbled handing the receipt off, an awkward _have a nice night_ stumbled out and Finn beamed back- “Oh he will. I never disappoint.” Poe’s mouth fell open and he dropped the box of condoms to the floor. So Finn picked them up- “Be careful! How many times do you want to come here with your-“

“Shut your mouth!” Poe began to push Finn out of the store and once at the empty parking lot, at his car, he pressed Finn against the door, kissed him hard—full of teeth. His hands roamed fiercely over Finn’s body, palming his cock until Finn was moaning against his car, yanking at Poe to close the distance between them- “You’re terrible- I should always get you hard and leave you high and dry.” He groaned into his neck, biting down as Finn covered his mouth, but Poe yanked it away- “Ah, no, if you embarrassed me, I’ll embarrass you.” His mouth descended and he bit through his shirt to pert nipples, relishing how Finn rolled against him, moaning, cooing-

“H-Home, Poe, p-please,”

“Oh and who’s begging _now,”_

“We could do it the car, for fuck’s sake,” Finn careened, hands tight in his coat-“I’m sorry I was just having a bit of fun-“ and Poe relinquished his hold on Finn, opened the door for him.

“You should be happy that you’re special,” Poe huffed, kissing him before shutting the door a bit harder than intended and wandering around to his side and sliding in. “Because if you weren’t, I’d bend you over the hood and just… right here for all these people to see and hear. But I’m- I’m fucking _greedy_ as hell with you. If I get you, no one gets to _see_ what the fuck they’re missing besides _dreaming_ of your body. _I…_ get to touch.”

The drive home had Finn anxious- excited. He hadn’t realized how… well he should clarify. Truthfully, he didn’t expect Poe to be the jealous type or the easily roused and needy type. Perhaps he had been misguided by the way he’d seen Poe behave before, but the flustered man at the cashier and then that lusty desire that had pinned him to the car were things Finn had never anticipated with Poe—and he was not at _all_ disappointed by it. Poe never struck him as the type to claim and keep things personal, but then he’d only learned _today_ that Poe was a sort of private sort with _most_ things, and he was now included in them.

When they stopped, Poe turned the car off and took a breath- “I’m sorry for- if I made you uncomfortable- I just- you were being _such_ a brat, and I was so fucking-“ he took another shaky breath and looked to Finn.

“I am _not mad_ at _any_ of that,” Finn said with a bashful smile. “I uh- kind of liked it.” Poe’s eyes fell to his crotch, the tent popping there had him smiling. “I… I’m kind of…”

“Nervous?” Poe eyed his hands now rubbing on his thighs.

“Yeah,”

“Good,” they exited and Poe let them back into his apartment, locking the door and tossing his keys to the counter. Finn turned to watch him and Poe closed the distance between them- “If I’m starting over, then I’m doing it right, one hundred percent, Finn. I’ll…” he paused then, his brows furrowing. “I’ll _try_ not to hurt you again. I mean it- I’m not gonna-“

“I know,” Finn finished, hands drawing the box from Poe’s hand and pressing it against his chest- “You can tell me how you feel later. We have unfinished business. Someone agreed to fuck me, and I haven’t been fucked yet.”

“Oh _you_ will,” he bites his lip, and Finn pants for it- “You’ve always liked that.” He reaches up for a kiss- “always liked watching your eyes fall to my mouth whenever I’d bite them.”

“You did on purpose?”

“Hell no, half the time I _was_ trying to be serious, talk and shit,” He began to pull Finn back, and Finn pushed him onwards. Their jackets fell to the floor in the hallway- “I’d get so distracted looking at you.” He moaned when Finn rubbed at his dick, half hard now, waned from the time between and his probable worry over the car ride home. No matter, wouldn’t take long to rouse it back up.

They were naked again, piled on the bed, clothes strewn to the floor. Their tongues danced inside hot mouths, hands roamed over skin long since embedded into their brains. “You uh-“

“Yeah, you’re gonna need all three fingers,” Finn jibed and Poe shook his head.

“Not what I was gonna ask,”

“But I’m _not_ a virgin,” Finn declared proudly and Poe laughed-

“Oh, but if you were, I imagine this is how you’d be,” Finn let his hands fall beside his head as Poe straddled his waist, hands tickling across his chest, rolling his dark nipples between knuckles- “You’d be enamored, utterly, completely focused on your lover.”

“That’s _you now_ , by the way,” Poe’s lips quirked in this tiny little smile, this small shy thing. His eyes darted off and Finn stroked at Poe’s thighs, at his waist before dipping towards his cock, working it gently but firmly in his first. Poe careened forward, kissing Finn as he rocked into that hand, moaning-

“I promised a sexy artist I’d bang him tonight,” Poe finally stopped Finn’s hands. “Gotta meet him.”

“Shame, would have liked to see you come undone by just looking at me,” Finn pouted playfully and Poe grinned in return.

“Another time, I’m sure,” he winked and as he got off, his eyes couldn’t help but watch as Finn turned about, kneeling on his hands and knees once more- “T-Though, that is _quite_ a distracting sight.”

“You said you needed to _go,”_ Finn teased, wiggling his hips. “I’m only encouraging you along.” A slap came to his ass and Finn moaned for it, huffed at him—it hadn’t hurt, certainly, but the light sting that remained was…

Something new.

“You go wiggling that ass anymore, we’ll _never_ have sex at this rate,” Poe’s hands _still_ were fumbling with the bottle of lube and box of condoms like he was a child unable to open the child-proof packaging. Finn laughed when Poe finally opened the box, but he left it there at his side, drawing himself closer to Finn again, spreading his cheeks and grazing that pucker with his tongue- “Mmm, Finn.” He bit his lip, letting the tip of his tongue curl inside Finn, groaning as he spared a finger, pressing it against the tight hole, mesmerizing that it began to swallow it up- “F-Fuck.” His mouth spent several long minutes licking and sucking to soften Finn up, and that finger had wiggled its way within, completely- “S-Shit I might not make it _again.”_ He watched, eyes glues to his finger drawing out, Finn whimpering and tightening about the digit as it left-

“ _You_ might not make- I’ve _already_ cum and I feel like I could just…” and Poe eyes dropped, his hand slipped to Finn’s cock, heavy and hard in his grasp, leaking from the tip.

“Can I-“ he swallowed hard- “Can I take you like this?” For a moment Finn tensed- “I love seeing the back of you- loving seeing your face turn over your shoulder to see me-“ he moaned as Finn turned, eyes settling on Poe’s.

“Didn’t you do this with-“ but Finn turned his face around, a moment of vulnerability slipping through. And Poe understood, right then-

“Not all of them,” he murmured, stroking Finn’s thighs now, watching chills rupture across his skin-“But this was how you asked before… and I want to wipe their memories from my mind, replace them with you.”

“T-That’s… O-Oh…” Finn blushed, ducking his head. He felt like a fool for thinking Poe would just fuck him like he was one of the many. He trusted him. Perhaps a bit of him wasn’t sure, wasn’t completely understanding or trusting of Poe, but the man pushed him down to lay upon the bed, flat, and followed after—

“I’ve always liked this ,” his hand slid up his spine and Finn shivered for it, cooed against the sheets and Poe reached to Finn’s jaw, his chin, angling his head back, so his mouth could breathe over his ear easier- “Liked this position I mean, maybe I’ve just grown old in bed- and seeing you like this?” He moaned as his hips rocked gently against Finn’s ass, feeling the artist’s moan through the vibrations in his throat—“You _trusting_ me to take you like this, _that_ … that is what I’m enjoying.”

“I-I needed _very little_ c-convincing, Poe,” Finn explained, lifting his hips slightly under Poe’s weight which only ground _against_ the pressure- “O-Oh, bu-but you better get to it then.” Finn demanded gently, eyes gleaming over his cheekbone. “I’m not known for _my_ patience either.”

“That, I know,” Poe kissed him as his finger crept back down his spine and between his cheeks, circling his hole teasingly before pressing back in swiftly. Poe’s other hand still pressing at the base of Finn’s throat could feel the rumble of his moans, feel the tension in his muscles. God it was unlike anything he’d felt before, but he retracted his hand, lest pleasure make him squeeze his throat; no need to ruin a perfect night with uncontrolled extremities.  His finger twisted and teased, and eventually a second finger came to join- this round went a little slower, with little more lube added. Finn raised his hips once more to rock back against that hand, those fingers, shuddering as he felt teeth scrape at his skin, nibble his ass cheek. His fingers spread, and if Finn hadn’t known Poe to be a deviant man, he sure as hell discovered that right then, as his tongue slipped between his parted fingers; the wet, wiggling muscle was driving Finn _crazy._ His breath was short against the pillow, his hands aching and sore from their death-grip within the bedding below.

Poe hummed as he loosened Finn and Finn could hardly keep his eyes open, lost instead, swirling in his own imagination of what Poe looks like behind him, what his eyes are doing, is he grinning? The nip to his ass told him _that was_ a grin, the squeeze from his other hand tells Finn he’s _far_ too excited and horny, becoming a bit desperate to speed up the process. The third finger was _always_ the finger to hurt the most or take the most time, and knowing that, Finn took stock of every part of his body and relaxed it, letting that finger just _slip_ in.

Because slowing down and stopping wasn’t an option anymore.

If he thought _his dick_ throbbed in pain, he couldn’t and didn’t want to imagine how Poe’s must have been feeling; suffering through his lover cumming _and_ then having to stifle it to look publicly decent. Hah, Finn knew he could never have pulled any of off. When Finn felt those fingers retreat, he whimpered, pressed himself back until they sunk within once more—

“D-Don’t leave yet-“

“Damn, Finn, you gonna be like this when I get inside you?” His voice was thick, husky against his tailbone, against that little cleft of his ass- “Won’t let me go ‘til you're satisfied?”

“O-Only let you go so you could keep that pretty dick _attached,_ ” Finn demanded proudly, _smug_ , over his shoulder and Poe shook his head in disbelief.

“I’ve bedded a _beast,”_ he cooed and Finn gaped-

“How _dare_ you-“

“Oh, I get to call you that because I’ve _seen_ you,” Poe exclaimed as he drew his fingers out, tutting softly when Finn tried to clutch them close. “And I get to have you, I’m allowed pet-names.”

“Guess you’d be _hairy_ beast, then?”

“ _Ow,”_ Poe touched his heart lightly with a smirk- “All I’ll say is that you _like it.”_

“I do like it,” Finn was rewarded with those fingers slipping back in, easily this time, in one motion. Their girth uncomfortable, but the artist knew it would not be long before he could have something better and more _fulfilling._ True to the moment, Poe drew his fingers away to lavish another few licks against the reddened hole before he reached for a condom-

“My hands are shaking,” Poe admitted as he unwrapped one, carefully slipping it on, lest he cum right there- “N-Never had that happen before.” Finn knew Poe’s rambling was just a way to keep his focus, though it made his heart skip a bit that Poe was just as nervous. “Whew- alright-“ Finn watched Poe lube his cock, watched as dark amber eyes flitted up to meet  his- “Lay down.” He pressed a hand against a shoulder blade, the other hiked his hips into the air. He guided the head of his cock to that spasming him hole with a wobbly exhale- “Oh god.”

“D-Don’t ruin it, P-Poe,” Finn mewled.

“So t-trying not too,” and the model bit his lip hard to keep from opening his mouth again, from saying something to wholly embarrass them both. When the head of his cock began its dive, it took all of Finn’s willpower to keep from just _rocking_ back with abandon. Oh, he _wanted_ too. The desperate urge to complete himself with Poe, the nights spent thinking of this… Poe’s hand slid down his back, purposely again, over his scar and Finn nudged his head against the pillows—that Poe made it _clear_ he enjoyed that part of him as much as the rest… it made his stomach knot tightly, _that_ was what made this moment special. A streak of doubt slipped through, but it vanished as soon as Poe’s dick inched in further, a tingle shot up his spine that had Finn growling in delight, had Poe falling further into him.

And once fully sheathed within, Poe leaned over Finn, kissing his shoulder, his neck, his ear, keeping still, distracting them both from moving for something more, for something quicker. Quicker would come in time. “Finn. It’s happening.”

“K-Kinda… noticed that,” Finn spun his head a bit, lips dry from panting. “You’re fucking- _throbbing.”_ An appreciative squeeze had Poe’s hips grinding down- had them both shivering and moaning. Their bodies were wrought with tension, shaking from the minute touches of pleasure they allowed.

“I meant-“ Poe sighed- “I-“

“Talk later, maybe?” He rephrased Poe’s earlier request, and Poe responded _‘no’._

“I waited nearly a year,” he kept still, Finn would commend him later on being aware of his lover _and_ having the volition to stay _put._ Congrats were in order because _Finn_ was jealous of it. “I waited- like a fool- and I could’a have all this, to me, only. I’m not… well. Never mind me. I waited because I was afraid, and I let my past cloud all I could’a had with you.”

“ _Can_ have, Poe,” Finn corrected and Poe grinned-

“Yeah, can,” he said softly, and if it wasn’t for their particular position or desires, Finn would have mewled and sprawled for Poe’s sweetness- “And I will. I’ll only have you until you don’t want me. And… I might still only want you. ‘Til then, I’ll keep you. If you keep me. I’ll only have you.” Poe was usually articulate when prattling on to his lovers, Finn recalled what others had said, the tenderness he offered, and Finn experienced that before, but this was raw and bare, it stung his eyes and his heart and when Poe reclined back, Finn prepared to lose his voice the following morning.

Poe slid his dick out gently, moaning as he sprung free from Finn’s tight muscles before he quickly pressed back in, a little smoother. Each withdrawl made for an easier intake—and soon they were quick instead of steady. And soon Poe didn’t need his hands to guide him within, they clamped about Finn’s hips with surety, began to punctuate each thrust with a different angle until Finn screamed against his fists. Poe couldn’t withdraw his length, either, Finn had such a tight hold on him- “You alright?”

“You just- _rammed_ over-“

“Oh god-“

“A _good_ spot,” Finn waved, desperate to assure Poe- “J-Just. B-Been a while, you know? W-Was 19 la-last time my ass was hung in the air.”

“Well,” a finger reached for the cleft of Finn’s ass, moving up just a hair before marking an ‘X’ there- “I’ll remember it now.”

“I am not a fucking, _treasure_ map,”

“Oh, I don’t plan on digging any up, babe,” For this, Poe leaned to his ear, keeping the air tight between them, skin pressed against skin- “I’m burying some.”

“B-Better keep those promises,” Finn bit back and Poe grinned wildly before sliding back and throwing in after that. His pace drifted between slow and languid, to powerful and jostling, to quick rocking spurts, each brought a different wave of pleasure over Finn, _each_ kept him from enjoying it too much to release. It had been one of those quickened sets where Poe slipped out entirely by accident- whimpering at the pleasure taken away. Finn knew Poe was close. “Bet I could make you cum.”

“I decline that bet, I’ll lose money,” he returned his cock to Finn, who immediately squeezed in a quick series, causing Poe to become jerky with is thrusts- “S-Shit.” He collapsed against Finn, the artist not realizing how strained Poe must have been. It didn’t stop him though. He thrust against him, Finn keeping his hips elevated to allow himself to bounce _back_ against that pulsing dick, unable to get enough of him. “Cum with me, yeah? Mess up my sheets so I have to get new ones.” He cooed against his ear, reaching under them to feel Finn’s cock taut between his fingers. “God, you’re so close, am I hitting that little spot still? C-Can’t tell with how you’re convulsing-“

“Not f-fair to use big words, during sex,”

“Oh, I’ll read from the damn dictionary if it gets you off, Finn,” he thrust hard, rocking into Finn, demanding their bodies merge as one. And Finn just rolled _right_ on back, meeting each thrust with a whimper, a moan, panting. The slick of sweat glistened along his spine, made the slap of their thighs slick and deafening. “But let’s skip that for tonight- I want you to cum now, no hands, just from  me-“

“W-What do you think has been _happening?”_ Finn keened, arching his back to dig the head of that prick just a bit more into his sweet spot- “F-Fuck- j-just m-move already-“ and it seemed to set Poe off like a bomb. He threw all his weight into Finn, hard, slapping skin, the bed squeaked a few times under the duress. One of Poe’s hand kept to the bed at his waist, to keep Poe above him, to keep him huffing for breath at his ear, kept enough distance to slam deep into Finn. The other hand, oh, it’s what really had Finn losing all his resistance (if he even _had_ any at that point). It snaked around, sliding across his back muscles and shoulder blade, down a flexed bicep to Finn’s hand. There, it unfurled fingers and laced their hands together. Tight. His thrust became rampant and uncontrolled, each hit had a different sensation, a different spark,  and _each_ had Finn’s cock dripping and twitching.

“Finn, I wanted you so much,” he panted against his head, Finn could feel Poe’s muscles contracting against his own as he thrust, as he worked. “I’ve got you now, and I want more. More of _you.”_ Finn whined, he really wished he could tell him to stop, it made his ears ring hearing Poe breathe unevenly against his ear, like being caught in a sandstorm- could hear the sand scratch at your ear. “F-Fuck Finn, I… I’m fallin’ for ya too. Never thought…” He had a half-second pause- “Never thought I’d want to as bad as I do now-“

“P-Poe- s-shit I’m-“

“Close, babe?” And Finn choked, nodded as his eyes shut tight, sweat sliding against his neck, tickling almost, an irritant- “Babe- Finn-“

“W-what?”

“I really fucking like you-“ it was just a scream against the pillows. Finn clamped his mouth to his arm as he squeezed Poe’s fingers he swore he could have broken them. His body racked with convulsions, unbelievable heat and pleasure spread across him and he knew the spasms in his dick were matching those surrounding Poe’s. He heard his cum spatter to the sheets, felt Poe’s teeth gnaw against his shoulder- “Finn- I’m gonna-“

“C-Could love ya, Poe,” he was slammed into, hard, once, twice, enough that Finn swore he felt _bone_ smack against bone. Poe was deep, and over his own spasms, Finn could feel Poe’s cock twitching in earnest, his hips trembled and he collapsed, completely upon him, only digging his cock in further- “F-Fuck!” They squirmed together to rid the last bits of overwhelming pleasure from their limbs before the sweat began to cool their skin. “Fuck, P-Poe.”

“Yes it was,” Poe moaned, his cheek slumped against Finn’s shoulder. “I’ll have you know, I’ve always walked away without issue. But right now?  I don’t know if I can _roll_ over.” Finn laughed, short-lived as it was. “G-God you held on so _tight.”_  His free hand slipped down Finn’s side, patted his ass cheek before letting it slump onto the bed.

It was in the quiet of those few minutes that Poe realized what Finn had said. Gently and carefully, he straightened, drew his hands from Finn’s regrettably as he leaned back to draw his cock out. As he did, he could see pink, tugging to keep Poe buried in deep, and Finn’s guttural moaning and shivering didn’t help much. When he came free they both let out a long moan, quickly trying to fill their lungs with air again. Gingerly Poe removed the condom, leaking some of it to his fingers before tossing it to the trashcan at his nightstand.

As soon as he was within reach he fell against Finn who groaned at his weight. “Finn-“

“I-I need to roll away from the _mess,”_ he puffed, and Poe laughed, drawing up and over as Finn shuffled lazily away before falling face first back against the mattress. Poe followed suit atop of Finn. “I’m not gonna have a voice tomorrow.”

“Well, you don’t need one,” Poe assured. “I’m going to be doing a lot of the talking.” For this Finn began to roll to his back, Poe raising to allow the movement before settling on his chest then.

“Really?”

“I-“ and Poe took a breath- “You said you could love me, Finn.” Finn swallowed- “I wondered… what… is… could you… I mean…is that like, past tense? Or-“

“Thought I might scare you away, outright, passionately crying _I love you,”_ Finn smiled, his fingers dancing light around the ball of Poe’s shoulder. “I could. Love you, I mean. Learn too. I…”

“I want you too,” Finn squeaked out a whimper, an embarrassing noise which had Poe grinning widely, biting his lip. “I wanna experience it again, if I’m allowed the cheesy and overly romantic end-talk before nap time.”

“ ‘Nap time’?”

“Yeah, setting an alarm for like, two hours so we can do this _a different_ way,” Poe explained.

“D-Do… what?”

“ _That,_ ” Poe hummed- “Sex. I need to like- see ‘em all.”

“But _I’m_ the young boundless one,” Finn giggled into the pillows, his hands reaching to stroke Poe’s face, finding he missed Poe’s longer curls than he thought. “You _might_ need to grow it back out again. Or grow the top out. I miss having something to hold on to.”

“Because that statement _alone_ didn’t just make me stiff again,” Poe cupped one of Finn’s hands, kissed at the palm- the hand he had held through their climax- the memory- the recentness of it, had him gasping against his skin. “Please?” He whispered and Finn blinked at Poe-

“Please?” he echoed.

“Learn to love me,” Poe glanced back to Finn, guiding Finn’s hand back to his head, let it roam from there as he scooted up to be level with Finn. “Because I’m already learning to love you.” Their foreheads knocked together, noses touching and they just let their eyes close, let them _feel_ one another instead of _see_ one another. “I’m an idiot, you’ve seen. Probably at the worst too. Now that you know, could you… could you really? I mean… did you really mean to give me a second chance back there? At the restaurant? When you showed up at graduation?”

Finn kissed Poe. Not unlike many times they had done before, rough, smooth, delicious, tongues tangling, teeth tugging at lips, breath heavy and short in a matter of seconds… yet somehow it seemed a bit new. Maybe it was after-passion endorphins or thoughts, sex racing and the heart believing it was _love_ ever after. Whatever it was, Finn knew one thing- “Poe-“ he started, big amber eyes coming into focus then- “I have yet to tap this ass- I’m gonna keep ya until I at least decide if it’s worthy.”

Finn was satisfied that despite all of Poe’s misdeeds, he still remained humble.

His rich laughter was worth hearing, even if the model asked again if he was sure he’d have him again; Finn knew he could learn to love this bashful, hesitant yet playful Poe.

He already _was_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IS IT OKAY?! D: I deliberated long enough posting it (I wanted to at least have the epilogue near done, or at least a main idea of it composed so it won't be so long til I post again. So here we are.
> 
> Is it hot? Yummy? Too long? Too short? All the self-conscious shit really comes out during the smutty scenes. IS IT GUD?! (T__T)
> 
> And really, I think the epilogues will just happen, the next one I mean will probably just be more feels than anything, and more smut, but the OTHER other one will be a little stand-alone story XD I think. We'll see if I can write something for it. (I have like four other fics right now, and I'm choosing which one to put my focus into, omg, so many idea, vampires, lost prince, poker-playing.... guh. That last one would actually be canon-universe and all so I dunno, too much to write!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this, and obviously, let me know if its juicy enough.


	23. Chapter 23: The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "One thing that makes art different from life is that in art things have a shape... it allows us to fix our emotions on events at the moment they occur, it permits a union of heart and mind and tongue and tear." -Marilyn French

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long haul! Sorry for the delay (I actually had to write this when I posted chp 22, since I wasn't sure if I wanted this to be the "ending")
> 
> Anyway, its pretty explicit as the chapter progresses (much like chp 22) ye have been warned!
> 
> Enjoy!

Poe wasn’t sure what woke him, or if there was even something that did. He just opened his eyes, slowly, blinking as he took in the warm light of the sun trying its hardest to stream through his blinds. The warmth that peaked through laced the bed in golden delight and he snuggled in a bit closer to the heat at his back; the even breath of a person, the limp but held-fast arm draped over his side. Poe carefully turned to his back to stare, in a bit of awe.

He wasn’t sure how long he laid there, peering at the other man, or if it had all been a dream. Had his life flashed before his eyes that fateful night long ago? Told him what to do or what not to do? For a moment, he truthfully didn’t believe this was real.

Could not have been.

There were no caring people in the world; there was no man that would have welcomed him with open arms as Finn had last night, after all he’d put the innocent and kind man through. Maybe it was a flashback and he was just one of those lucky souls that could see what sort of bad decisions he’d make and would be given the chance to avoid them?

Finn looked at peace like this, content, the hint of a smile tugging on his plump lips; was the smile because of him? Was he dreaming of Poe? The way his heart tightened and sped had Poe reaching to steady it, a blush festering. He felt young again, felt  _ youthful _ … felt that innocent and almost naivety of hope one could have when they first fall in love.

He raised his hand and let his fingertips trace over Finn’s round face, so light he swore he wasn’t even touching the man if he wasn’t looking at him with his own eyes. His hand came and rested then against his jaw, feeling his pulse under his ring finger, felt his breath quiver—he wouldn’t be able to sense all of this in a dream right? Would he even know it? His thumb rest just under Finn’s lips upon his chin- “Could you really love me?” He whispered, knowing full well the man was asleep and wouldn’t answer—

“Are ya gonna kee’askin’ that ‘til Ah just say I lov’ ya?” came the muffled grumbling of his lover and Poe froze.

Oh.

Oh he didn’t expect Finn to be awake. What the  _ fuck. _ That’s not how these sweet tender moments happened- he scrambled to sit up but as soon as Finn’s eyes fluttered open, Poe went still again. “Ya always gonna-“ a yawn-“be this jittery when we wake up together now?”

“I didn’t expect you to,”

“What, wake up?”

“Yes- I mean-“ Poe rolled away-  _ what the fuck. _ Finn though could only laugh, deep, short, arms pulling Poe closer to him, kissing at his neck before nuzzling against the warm skin. “I just- you shouldn’t have been awake.”

“Would it embarrass you less or more that I caught you at the sweetest part of your ramble, or would you like to know I heard the whole thing?”

“You  _ felt it- _ oh fuck,” Poe groaned and Finn chuckled, arms tightening around his waist. Poe reached for them. Kept his fingers laced with Finn’s- somehow it grounded him. Helped him breathe, despite the man’s presence being utterly unnerving, and that was  _ all _ because of him. “This isn’t like- the middle of the semester right? This isn’t the first time we slept together? Please tell me I just had a horrible nightmare about all the stupid shit I did-“

“No, you really  _ did _ all that stupid shit,”

“Oh good- wait,” Poe huffed again, realizing  _ exactly _ how stupid it sounded, shut his eyes tight when he felt Finn smooth up against him, their bodies aligning pretty nicely together. “That sounds worse. Maybe it is. Ugh, this is never gonna work, I can’t even say good shit without…”

“If you’re gonna say ruin, you better go back to sleep, wake back up and start over,” Finn chided at his ear, the breath and rumble had Poe shivering, had his hands tightening, his body rocking against Finn’s. He was rewarded with similar reactions.

“That’s  _ definitely _ real,” Poe teased at feeling Finn’s morning wood pressing against his ass-

“Well, someone was waking me up through the night too,” he teased- “ _ all _ night.”

“My bad-“

“I was kidding,” deadpanned Finn.

“Ah,” but Poe rolled around again to face Finn, to map his face like it was the first time he’d seen it. His fingers gingerly stroked over Finn’s lips and he curled in to kiss his passing fingers- it had his heart stopping, the tender gesture. Finn caught his hand, kept them close to his lips, pressing a longer kiss to his knuckles. Those lips began to draw upwards over a fingertip, drawing one into his mouth, the delicate touch of his tongue against the pad of his finger had Poe moaning shakily at the sensation. Languid. Smooth. His hand was released soon after, Finn’s mouth drawing a straight line to Poe’s and placing the same amount of slowness to his lips as he had his finger.

And it was just a kiss. The slightest bit of tongue peeped only over lips, shy almost, unsure even, pecking the other muscle with hesitancy. It was bashful, really. Poe had never in his  _ life _ been kissed this slowly before, had never before been kissed this gently or passionately, his body thrummed with a liquid warmth, he could have gone back to sleep. “F-Finn…” his breath short, their lips just an inch apart, eyeing Finn almost fuzzily. “I don’t know how I’m gonna say all the things I want to say to you.”

“You don’t need to,” Finn clarified, his hand smoothing over Poe’s cheek, into his ruffled hair. “Mmm.”

“Mmm, what?”

“I like it short,” Finn scraped lightly at Poe’s scalp, combing into those tousled strands atop- “No handles anymore, but… I think I can deal with it.”

“I’d… I’d hoped you would like it,”

“Would it have changed your mind about keeping it, if I didn’t?” Poe’s silence answered Finn’s query- Poe knew it too, but the wide grin upon his lover’s face, the way he could hardly stop grinning about it.“You would have changed it?” Finn propped himself up to beam down at Poe, who now felt incredibly small and  _ stupid _ for thinking of such a thing. “Poe…” but the way Finn said his name, low, trembling as he bent down- “You’re precious.” He’d never been called that before, and the kiss that followed after was similar to the one earlier, soft, gentle, not timid. Just… content. “Come on.” Finn began to extrapolate himself from Poe who believed this to be a terrible idea. Yet, Finn already slid on a pair of Poe’s sweats and was waiting for the man to crawl from his nest. “You made breakfast last time, now it’s my turn.”

“Oh, I see, your stomach, eager to woof down my food, was just  _ kindness _ huh?” He groaned and stood finding another pair of sleep pants to slip into. “Show me up, master chef.” Poe watched Finn prep breakfast while he fed his cat who chirped, looking between them, then hissing at Poe and rubbing at Finn’s legs.

“Thought you said he hated strangers,” Finn bent down to scratch just behind BB-8’s ear, just where the fat cat liked to be scratched. He instantly plopped over, rolling about happily.

“He’s mad at me, for not bringing you over,” BB-8 glared at Poe who waved his hand and fetched the coffee pot to start a batch of coffee. “Pretty sure you aren’t a stranger either.” When Finn had finished their meals of scrambled eggs, toast, and some sliced banana’s, Poe slid in behind his lover keeping him from taking the plates to the table.

“Poe,  _ breakfast,” _

“What if I was thinking  _ sausage _ instead?”

“Then you’ll be sorely disappointed,” he tutted- “You didn’t even have  _ bacon _ .” Finn eyed Poe over his shoulder but the model was devious, kissing at his neck, feeling his shivers against his chest.

“Then I’ll be more blunt,” Poe clarified- “I want you on that table-“

“And we both need to eat. You especially,” Finn countered which had Poe pausing.

“ ‘Me especially’? What does that mean?”

“Well, you know, to have the necessary energy to keep up-“

“To  _ keep up-“ _ Scoffed Poe who stepped back, allowing Finn to turn in his arms. “Keep  _ up. _ I’ll have you know I could easily go two or three rounds with those students-“

“For how long though?” Finn began to stalk towards Poe, pinning him against the opposite counter. “If I’m going to ride you for hours, I need to know you can… keep up, cowboy.” Poe deliberated for a minute with Finn’s mouth on his neck, his hands tweaking his nipples and sliding down his stomach towards his cock-

“F-Fine-“ he gasped. “Fine. Just…  _ fuck.” _ Poe slipped from Finn’s hands and took a plate, setting it down with a bit of a jostle before shoveling food into his mouth. Finn laughed but settled to the table with his own plate, eating at a precariously  _ slow _ pace. Poe was done, fingers tapping on the table watching as Finn ate—he was suddenly impatient. He wanted Finn  _ now. _ He ate, like he was told! G-god and why that had his cock  _ burning _ proudly under his sleep pants he’d not question or comment on. When Finn  _ finally _ finished, Poe leaned over the table and kissed him, as hard and desperately as he could at this awkward angle- “Sausage now then.”

“A shower, first,” Finn declared with a wink and Finn had never seen Poe wipe down dishes as fast as he did, propping some of the skillets in the sink to soak before Poe was zipping around the corner. Poe was leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom, shower running, steam beginning to the fill the small cubicle. He looked smug, Poe did, eyeing Finn up and down- “I didn’t realize you were so interested in having sex again.” Finn murmured, reaching for Poe’s waist- “I thought you wanted to talk.”

This changed _all_ of Poe’s demeanor in an instant, and he refused to look at his lover. “Poe?”  but the model turned, hand taking one of Finn’s and guiding him into the bathroom, stripped their pants and stepped into the stream of hot water without speaking. Oh, yes, Poe knew why he’d shut down. Why he had wanted to fuck again and again- because somehow, he felt if he did it enough with Finn, Finn would understand what he was saying. He would just _feel_ his insecurities and worries, feel his sorrow and regret and _happiness_ at Finn agreeing to be _anything_ with him… “Poe? Are you alright? I didn’t mean it-“ the idea that Finn might not be interested in sex as a part of their relationship smacked him like the waves of a tsunami, and he felt his self-esteem begin to drown under this line of thought. Would Poe be this sensitive over conversations like this months from now? Would he feel demeaned any time Finn spoke of his inability to communicate? Would that impede their _relationship?_ “I know what you meant,” he finally said and dipped his head under the spray, sighing as he soaked his hair and then turned to face Finn—“I did want to talk.” He could not meet Finn’s eyes, if he did, he’d lose himself in those rich obsidian eyes, fall prey to feeling more lust than affection. “I don’t know how. I’ve never done this… talking bit before. If I seem unsure, it’s because I am.”

“The master of keeping his cool is  _ unsure,” _ Finn sounded disbelieving. 

“I am,” he fretted. “I’m terrified actually. I’m terrified this is just a cute little fantasy, or that you’re pulling my leg, to break my heart, get revenge. I know that isn’t true, but my entire body is telling me this is just a lie. Maybe because I’ve slept around so much, that it knows when to let go. I don’t know…” his eyes finally raised to Finn’s as the artist’s hand raised his chin. Poe swallowed hard, gasping when he saw his own worries mirrored on his face too. “I deserve that sort of prank, considering all the things I did to you, all the shit I pulled…”

“You deserve to be happy, just like everyone else,” Finn added firmly. “If I make you happy, then we have nothing else to talk about.”

Poe blinked.

Several times.

The silence weighed heavily upon him, urging him to speak but he was unable.

The shower spray pounded against his back, but it barely registered in his mind.  _ If I make you happy, then we have nothing else to talk about  _ seemed to be on an endless track, circling his head, trying to find grounding, and purpose and truth to the words. They rang so clearly, so fiercely, and so honestly, Poe stepped back, just out of Finn’s grip.  _ Happy. _

“I feel like there’s more to say,” Poe said after a while, returning to Finn, his hands reaching for arms, pleased to have hands intercept his own, tangling together. “Of course you make me happy. Fuck, I need something if I don’t get to smoke.”

“Did you really quit?”

“Yes, I fucking quit,” Poe tutted. “I stopped when I was… well, I tried to stop when I was with you before… then it just seemed like a bad memory, so I stopped completely afterwards.” He made sure his eyes were meeting Finn’s, to convince him he wasn’t just spouting off things to reassure his lover to stay. He would do  _ anything _ at this point, and that was  _ frightening _ .  _ I’d give away everything I was for you. I did it once, I regretted it. I would not regret it with you. _ Finn began to grin. Broadly. When Poe didn’t understand why, Finn began to cackle, that’s what it was, sheer  _ fun _ at Poe’s expense. “Okay, what? Bogey coming out or-“

“You speak honestly when you’re nervous,”

“I- what?”

“When you’re nervous!” Finn tried to speak through his laughter, having to step back to catch his breath, absolutely amused. “You just said the most fucking sweetest thing anyone’s ever told me and you don’t even realize you went on this tiny little rant. Because you think I would leave you, Poe-“ Finn captured his face in his hands, stroked his cheeks tenderly- “If I had any reasons to doubt why I would want to stay with you, they’ve all been swept and tossed away. It’s cute, Poe, whenever we have serious talk about ‘us’ you blurt out whatever it is you’re thinking, without realizing it. Sort of like me, when we… uh- got together and met.”

_ Oh fuck me. _ “I mean, I didn’t know if that was on the agenda, but if I would like to, some time.” Finn winked and Poe’s eyes owled. “And yes, you said  _ oh fuck me _ , just in case you’re wondering.”

Poe turned around, glaring at the floor angrily-  _ fuck  _ **_all_ ** _ of me, god dammit, I can’t even think without it becoming words. What the fuck- he’s psychic, the stupid little shit, he’s just sitting here in my mind reading it! _ Finn’s hands rolled up his arms and his chin nudged against his shoulder as he leaned against him- “Poe. If I were psychic I’d have called you out on your bullshit  _ months _ ago.”

“I’m doomed, I’ll never be able to lie again,” Poe declared, defeated. “What if I plan a birthday surprise, you’d ask what I was doing and I’d say ‘oh nothing’ and then right after ‘just planning this cute little party for you tomorrow’ or something. Christ almighty.”

“I can feign surprise pretty well,”

“I hate you right now,” Poe snarled back, though it held no fire, no scathe.

“If you did, Poe,” Finn’s hands soundlessly reached for Poe’s cock, it was stiff but it had waned from their conversation since breakfast. He gave it a few loose strokes, Poe bucking against the hand and reaching for the wall to support him. “You wouldn’t be so aroused about being in the shower with me.” Finn closed the gaps between their bodies, his chest sliding against the curve of Poe’s back and the model moaned, let his head dip back—

“Oh, I hate you so much right now,” Poe huffed- “Not even gonna touch you.”

“That’s alright,” Finn teased back at his ear- “I could get off just watching you  _ being _ touched.” He pumped his dick a few times and Poe felt how aroused Finn was, felt his dick slide and rub against his backside, slipping between his cheeks when pressed. He shivered, wholly- it had been  _ a long time _ since he’d let  _ anyone  _ close to his back entrance, simple rocking from Finn had  _ many more _ possibilities flooding his imagination.  _ In time, when I’m ready.  _ He thought for a moment, if there was one person who would receive that trust, it’d be Finn. N-not now, of-of course. The very idea was  _ troubling _ as it was, the ‘ _ take me now’ _ barely being held back behind teeth. Poe spun about and Finn’s hands moved to his waist then, circling hipbones.

“I wanted to be a better person for you, a better man,” Finn blinked at the sudden change in mood. “I thought, it’s the least I could do for him. If I never have him, then I’ll be better for someone else like him, who’d look to me like you did… like you  _ do.” _ His cheeks darkened for the statement, Finn’s hand reaching for his neck, his face, stroking his thumb along the length of this jaw. “Finn… I…” he felt strangled, but he pushed on- “I think I more than like you.” His eyes hesitantly flitted up, to see Finn’s reaction-“staying with you after that night wasn’t me pulling you along… I… for the most part, meant it. Following  _ your smile _ or how you laughed. I wanted to know your fucking  _ dreams _ and could have…” Poe found something fascinating with the floor today, it seemed, eyes gazing down to it once more. “I didn’t have to have a physical relationship with you, I wanted more than that. I’m still… terrified this is all some big fucking dream, or prank, a bit nervous I’m not the right… anything for you. But I won’t let that second chance go to waste.” His eyes were determined when they raised to find Finn’s again. “Let me have all of you and I promise I’ll never let it go.”

“P-Poe-“ Finn shook, his hands vice-tight against his waist, but he didn’t mind. Didn’t care. Wanted the bruises on them, the hickey’s to show, because now he’d be proud of them. Would show them off like trophies to his friends and family (because fuck Aria for being a bitch last night too).

“That’s- all I gotta really say,” Poe exhaled a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “I just… maybe in some way, I do… love… you. A-And now, in your position, I’m terrified I’ll be dumped. This is what dad meant, last night when he pulled me aside, I’ll know what you felt, when you walk away.”

“But I’m not going to,” Finn kissed away any protests Poe might have had bubbling up, his tongue slid along his lips diving into his mouth to coil his tongue with Poe’s. The model finally couldn’t resist, wrapping his arms around Finn’s back, holding on like the man was oxygen for him, sustenance. Fingernails scratched down lightly from shoulder to waist drawing a low hiss from Finn who broke the kiss, bumping foreheads with Poe. “F-For the man who really wanted to have sex, you’re awfully insistent in  _ not. _ ”

“I said I really wanted to tell you what I was feeling,” Poe admitted a bit bashful about it now.

“Even before breakfast-“

“I didn’t…” Poe blinked- “Didn’t really think last night happened.”

“You’re fucking adorable Poe,” Finn yanked him in for another searing kiss, both moaning into the other’s mouth, hands hot and fierce in their need to pull and keep close their bodies. “Glad I made that big of an impression on you, Mister Dameron-“

“You might be calling me that if I get a call back on Monday from this job,” he teased- “I might be teaching your classes the next few quarters-“

“You applied to be a teacher-“ interjected Finn, surprised.

“Can this wait?”

“Poe! That’s great-“

“Yeah, I’ll be able to throw you over whichever desk I like and no one can question why I’m keeping my star-student with me after hours,” Poe’s hands were determined to change the subject, rolling back to Finn’s spine, stroking one hand up while the other dipped between his cheeks, pressed against his pucker- felt those muscles give at the gentle intrusion-“You will let me do that once, right? Throw you over a desk and make you scream?” Finn moaned his answer, hands clawing at Poe’s arms and shoulders. Poe drew them both under the spray, angling them so Finn’s back was against the wall, the water spouting between them as his mouth found and sucked the water from his neck. “Love to do it in one of the big lecture halls in the brick building, A Wing, right?” He nipped at his earlobe, his free hand slid back around, down one trembling thigh to hike it to his waist, hooking it around him. Finn gasped, whimpering at the space created for Poe’s body to slide in.

Their cocks collided, completely erect now, beading with precum that even the spray of the shower couldn’t wash away. Their dicks were red, taut with need. Poe licked at Finn’s jaw, removing his hand from his leg to bring their dicks together, easy and smooth strokes, burning from watching the artist come undone. “Never did get to take ya over one of the easel’s-“

“P-Poe, don’t-“ he moaned when his thumb ran over the head of his dick, pressing against the slit, precum beading in eager anticipation. “D-Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“Heh,” Poe grinned and nuzzled into his neck again, nipping softly before soothing the bites with his tongue- “I wouldn’t be telling you them if I didn’t plan on making  _ good _ on them.” He purred and Finn’s leg yanked at Poe’s waist, their dicks bumped together, they moaned at the collision. “I’ll never make a promise I don’t intend to keep, babe. Finn. If I don’t have to let go, I won’t.” The promise, no, the _ guarantee, _ that Poe would do all he could to be what Finn desired, had the man swooning. The leg still planted on the tub floor gave an unsteady tremble. Poe’s hand, however, was there to soothe it, hike it to his waist too- “You stay put now.” Poe teased, kissing at quivering lips, down his chin to his chest- “I have some work to do back here before we get going.” Finn’s hands trembled as they tightened about Poe’s neck and shoulder, clinging tightly to the man holding him up.

“J-Just put your dick in. Fuck P-Poe-“

“Ah ah. We see your family today, I don’t want the question of ‘ _ why are you limping’ _ used against me,” Poe insisted and reached to the small alcove to bring out a bottle-

“You have lube-“

“I’m a busy man-“

“Poe, this is a shower, not another bedroom-“

“I do  _ not _ have lube in the kitchen or front room,” the model insisted. “Though, kitchen might need it.” Finn tried to laugh, but two slick fingers came to his hole, slipping in tightly ceasing his laughter. His back rubbed at the cold tile wall, his head knocked against it, and Poe left hickey’s all against his neck, shoulders, and chest; wherever his desperate mouth could plant itself upon fevered skin. Finn sweaty and tossing in his bed had been  _ hot- _ Finn sweaty and  _ wet _ tossing against the wall of his shower was another level. Poe knew he’d find a new level of arousal for every place he took Finn… there was no place the man would not look  _ inviting _ and delicious.

Two fingers twisted and stretched and when he drew them out, Poe tried for three but Finn shook his head- stopped his arm—

“You take me now,” the command was soft, whispered, barely audible over the thunderous sound of the shower, but it held power, compelled Poe to action. He instead, had Finn lube his dick, holding onto Finn’s ass as he did so, trying his best not to jostle his lover from the pleasure that coiled listlessly in his gut. Poe positioned himself and carefully began to slide into Finn. The artist was much tighter like this, body taut with its position, from meager preperation. Yet somehow, Finn took Poe’s dick in fully, body shuddering around Poe as much as he was around his dick-“Poe- don’t stop. S-Show me you love me.”

It felt like he’d crashed and had been hit with a solid wall that had him frozen stiff in place. The insistent, sweet  _ plea _ had unloaded Poe’s hesitation. He raised the man up and let him fall against his dick, meeting him midway. The slap of their skin echoed over Finn’s cry into the bathroom, had Finn desperate to find air, but Poe didn’t give him the chance. He began to bounce the man upon him, a hard and unsettling pace, brutal, is what Poe would later deem it. The friction was incredible, Finn gripped Poe so tightly he swore he might lose his dick in the process of their love making.

Yet it wasn’t enough- the pleasure was incredible, the angle, fantastic, but the speed lacked- and they both knew it, both gazed at one another when Poe drew him from the wall. That he could keep him seated on his cock, purely from his own strength had the artist keening- “Pu-put me down- P-Poe-“ he kissed him and Poe stumbled a bit, breaking the kiss shortly after- “I want to cum- I-I need you to g-go faster- f-fuck- w-wish we were in a porn-“ Poe laughed-

“Yeah, can’t do the manic thrusting,” he moaned when Finn clenched about his cock, another kiss followed after, thrusting tongue into his mouth like his dick was doing to his ass. Poe sucked on that tongue, moaned each time before he drew out of Finn, gingerly set him his feet to the floor—“But I can do it here. Like this.” He turned Finn about, pressing him to the wall and Finn arched his back, pressing out against Poe’s dick- “E-Easy- babe-“ a hand smoothed over a cheek, giving it a light slap, punishing his eager lover.

_ “Poe-“ _ g-god his voice whined against the tile, he sounded so  _ lost _ in pleasure, so  _ wanton. _ Poe slammed in, Finn rocking against him. It was Finn who began to draw off Poe’s cock, rolling his hips back on him, setting a fairly quick pace as Poe’s hands stroked, and slapped his ass  _ just _ to watch those muscles  _ jiggle. _

“Wait-“ Poe drew Finn close, pressing deep within him, leaning over his back to find his ear- “Let’s get out-“

“Po-Poe- fuc-k-“ his voice broke over the words, over the idea that Poe wanted to  _ get out. _ “I- I’m close- I-“

“I want to see your face,” Poe whispered- “I want to see you looking at me, only me, I- I want to see you come undone-“

“N-Needn’t look far,” Finn mewled in return,  _ regretfully _ pulling off of Poe’s cock- watching that hole gaping had Poe unsure if he could  _ make it _ very far. He spread a cheek to see that stretched hole and pressed fingers against it, watching Finn whimper and buck against the wall- “P-Poe! Out!” He reached for the faucet, turning the water off hastily and Poe threw back the shower curtain, haphazardly he threw the towels down to the floor-

“Lay right there-“

“You’re kidding-“ but Finn was already moving to sit down on the bath rug, Poe throwing another towel down before following after Finn, kissing up his legs and stomach to find his mouth-

“You thought I meant  _ go _ somewhere- I can’t walk, I-I’d cum- that’d be embarrassing,” Poe declared soundly against Finn’s neck, the sweet smell of fresh wood and oil addictive. A heavy inhale had him moaning when he exhaled, roused by his scent— _ like that isn’t an embarrassing fact. _ He scrambled for the bottle of lube in the shower before he returned, moaned when Finn spread his legs wide, holding them apart- “G-god you’re just- fucking gorgeous.” Poe whispered as he slicked his cock again, eyes focused upon his hole, licking his lips and teeth like a predator hungry for food. He lined himself up and his eyes flicked to Finn’s as he slammed in, catching Finn at the waist to keep him near.

Powerful thighs circled Poe’s waist, kept him buried until Poe reached to stroke his cock. His pace was quick and desperate, full of grunts and moans. They soaked the towels from the shower, the mat was wet too, but Poe didn’t much care of the mess they’d made together. His focus was upon Finn, upon how the water and sweat rolled over his skin, maybe it sizzled from how hot he was. He watched Finn’s cock bounce against his abdomen as he slammed in passionately, felt muscle shake from colliding together. Finn’s hands roamed over his skin as if there was fire in his veins urging him to touch, to reach—

So the model caved. He leant forward, arms planted on the floor by his waist, rolling deep into Finn as he kissed him. Finn delighted in the contact, his hands roamed over his back, scratching up, tangling in the wet locks atop his head—he wouldn’t let him move. Poe was alright with that, he could hit that spot inside Finn and make him burst-“Cum for me, just like this.” Poe said, harried, his breath heavy and his pupils dilated- “lookin’ at me. O-Only me.” Poe dropped his gaze to where they were fused together, then returned to Finn’s- “Love- Finn. Cum-“ The heels digging into his back were sharp, hitting against kidneys he was sure, but nothing compared to the pleasure of watching Finn cum, his hand fervently pumping his dick, cum splattering across his damp skin, reaching his neck even. Finn’s release harkened his own, the tremors around Poe’s cock had him lasting a few more thrusts before he came- buried.

He thrust as he came, pumping his cock further and further it seemed within Finn. Finn had a sure grip upon Poe’s dick, lovingly massaging it to release, to soften, and their foreheads knocked hard against one another, rattled teeth. They shared breath, kissing was too difficult, their lack of air unable to satisfy their needs. When they could kiss, it was chastely, short. “F-Finn.”

“Love,” Finn beamed weakly at Poe who grinned- “I think I like that pet name.”

“Beast it is,” Finn groaned, his laughter causing Poe to nearly double over in pleasure- “E-Easy on me- I’m still… still…” but then it dawned on him. He felt his cum move around his cock, not a new sensation…

What  _ was _ a new sensation was feeling it move  _ within _ Finn. His eyes snapped to where they were joined- big and rounded, they were. His release began to escape, puffing around Finn’s hole and as he drew out? “F-Finn…”

“Y-yeah?” Finn had his eyes closed, was grinning.

“We uh-“ his hands shook as his cock came free, cum still seeping from the tip onto the towel below- “We probably didn’t need to buy those condoms.” For a while Finn was silent, whether he was processing what Poe meant or why he brought it up now, Poe didn’t know. Finn  _ did _ sit up on his elbows, curiously, gazing at Poe to explain. His fingers moved to that twitching hole, wiping a bit of his release from it and showing it to Finn- “I just…”

“Oh,” Finn wasn’t shocked. Though Poe wished he could have maintained  _ his _ cool about this-

“I’m sorry-“

“What? Why?”

“I just-“ and for a second Poe was confused why he  _ had _ been worried. Or apologetic. It wasn’t like either of them were unclean- they’d said so before, both trusted the other- “I uh-“ Finn wiggled his hips, whimpering when more dripped out-

“M-Might need that shower again,” Finn admitted bashfully- “A-And I hope you have some aloe vera for this rug burn I got.” Poe stared blankly at him and Finn worried he’d upset Poe- before the model burst into laughter.

“You think your shoulders are bad? Well don’t look at  _ my _ knees _ ,” _ but of course Finn’s eyes dropped to the reddened joints- he didn’t get a long chance to gaze, Poe raised his head for a kiss. “Got so excited to be with you- forgot all that work we went through to get condoms.”

“I wasn’t about to tell you to fetch one and ruin the moment,” Finn teased back, grinning- “I hate to admit it, but  _ does _ feel better without it though.”

“Always does, that’s the risky part,” he grinned-

“That’s awful to quote your sex education from high school, Poe,” Finn shakily moved to his knees and stood, reaching for the counter with a pant. Poe leapt up too, catching himself and Finn at the waist, chuckling as they wobbled a bit together. “Guess you don’t need to worry about buying any more of them, then.”

“I might keep a few- never know when we might need them, inconvenient times, you know,” Poe began to draw Finn back to the shower, turning the water back on, devouring his mouth- “You know, at school maybe. Over the desk in my office.”

“Bite me,” Finn huffed and Poe did, at his neck, tenderly, along the muscle up to his jaw- “O-Oh-“ Poe guided Finn under the shower spray, parting his cheeks and allowing the hot water to rush down- “O-Sh-shit-“ Poe kept him close, felt his body convulse in his arms. “I might need to see this desk before you officially teach behind it.” Finn declared huskily. “I need to see if it’s strong enough to hold us both up under this kind of duress.”

“I am definitely getting one of those sturdy ones the admin guys got- nice oak desk, might creak when I throw into you-“ Finn panted against his mouth and Poe licked at his parted lips. “Finn?”

“Yeah?” When Finn opened his eyes to stare at Poe, he never expected to see such a serious expression on his face, to see him utterly focused. He wasn’t jesting, there were no laugh lines, no frown, he was just  _ focused. _

“I don’t  _ think _ I love you,” Poe began to reach in for a kiss- “I  _ know _ I do.” That Finn’s legs buckled under the admission, Poe would attribute to their glorious and mind-blowing sex. That Finn begged to spend the entire day  _ just  _ with Poe, doing whatever they wanted, Poe would say it was due to Finn being needy.

That when night began to settle, and they romped around in bed, satisfying the other until they laid spent against the sheets, Poe would attribute that to both desiring one another for such a long time without anything to hold them back now.

When Finn rolled into his chest and whispered, ‘ _ I know I love you too’, _ Poe didn’t understand how he deserved Finn. Poe was content to be loved, instead. Brewing over the why Finn loved him or even how he had come to love him would not change that Poe had found someone…  _ special. _

Someone who really  _ did _ make him a better man; together, they were better  _ together. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Delicious yes? I hope so!
> 
> I just want to thank aaaaaaaaaaaaaall the readers who stuck through, saw it to the end, and told me what they enjoyed, their feelings on the characters and what really made me keep posting was those comments, so I thank you all from the bottom of my evil little black-coal heart. Truly. It made this story worthwhile for me to enjoy again!
> 
> I hope this was a fic that was worth the wait for :3
> 
> So, updates to stories;  
> One, the vampire FinnPoe WILL happen, but the story I've concocted will need a bit of time. In lieu, I've been debating if I wanted to an Anastasia-esque fic, and I am, so that will probably be the next chaptered fic I post.  
> Second, I have a nasty nasty nasty and deliciously smutty fic I'll post in-canon universe, rate E for EXCITING I mean... ENGORGED. Because really, it's just awful porn I've written with sort of plot following Poe's inability to communicate his sex drive to his friend Finn, who sleeps through /anything/. Basically, where Finn takes drugs to help him sleep and cannot (really) be woken, so Poe abuses that. Kind of rapey, will have the warning (It is RAPE yes, but Finn will not think so, as he wants it to happen too, anyway, off topic) mostly its Guilty!Poe.  
> Third, the "secondary" epilogue to this story that follows them a year later will be posted soon, a week or two, depending on the other stories, and I'll make it into a series linked to this one, so you all can find it easier :D
> 
> Fourth, I just want to say thank you again, for following this story and being hardcore readers (following it everyday when I post and commenting) its so appreciated, and I'm so sad to leave this fic, but I hope you all will follow the other stories, I'll miss talking to you all!!

**Author's Note:**

> I don't normally look through prompts when new fandoms or current fandoms are made, it's *VERY* dangerous, as I get so many idea's as I flick through them- but I read a fic that was a prompt, and I chanced looking at the prompt and got a huge wave of inspiration. So, here were are with a full-fledged story. (I just can't write one-shots. A series of them, maybe).
> 
> Anyway, prompt's here: http://tfa-kink.dreamwidth.org/1841.html?thread=1922865#cmt1922865
> 
> I am aware someone else already did this prompt, I did read it, I did love/enjoy it, I am not stealing their idea, blah blah blah. 
> 
> I also know this chapter is incredibly short, they get longer the more I write (>__>) and yes, I have several chapters waiting for the scrutiny of my editor-in-chief.  
> I hope you enjoyed it!! (^___^)  
> (The title comes from a quote from Henri Matisse, if there are those that're curiousssss)


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